We must not submit to everything just to keep a man

Denise and Jeff were lovers for years and were very happy together. Same hobbies, same line of work, so very much in common. Their connection was absolutely marvellous until one day....Jeff asked Denise to give him anal sex which she refused to because she found it painful and unnecessary. Jeff asked and asked again, arguing that lube would stop her from feeling any pain. When questioned about why he wanted to sodomise her, Jeff had no real answer to offer.
" Sounds like fun, everybody is doing it, I want to keep things exciting between us " those are hardly good reasons to do something one does not want to do.
Since she really did not want to have her back door broken, even with lube, Denise clearly told her boyfriend that not only was she never going to do that, she also wanted him to stop requesting it, as it was getting a little annoying. Jeff promised not to mention it again and Denise felt it was safe to have sex with him again until a couple of nights later he actually tried to insert his manhood where the sun does not shine.
Denise jumped off the bed screaming !
What was wrong with him ? was he stupid or plain disrespectful of her ? She made her position quite clear before, she does not want to have anal sex, not now, not ever.
Jeff pretended it is not such a big deal.
Denise then asked him to buy a dildo the size of his, considerably large, manhood so that she could fuck him in the ass next time they went to bed.
Now Jeff sat up quite angry and asked if she was insane.
Now, she said, she was not insane but if letting a huge penis into one's anus is not such a big deal, then Jeff should start by giving Denise his butt, if only to know what it feels like to be penetrated.
Only then would she accept doing something against her will just to please him.
Jeff was so horrified he never mentioned it again.
Denise felt she had won, they could go back to enjoying great sex without threats...... a dark thought
kept nagging at her however..... what if Jeff gets anal sex from another woman ? what if her refusal to do something she loathes drives her man into the arms or should I say the butt cheeks of another woman ? Surely he would not leave a great person like her for something so trivial ? would he ?
Should she make this sacrifice just to keep Jeff ?
Is it what their life is going to be like ? She will cave in to any demands just for the sake of not losing him ? If she lets Jeff wins this battle, what will he ask her to do next ? How far can this go ?
Still Denise decided not to let Jeff submit her to his will and she never brought this up again.

And what had to happen did happen. Jeff cheated on Denise with a girl who wanted him so much she gave him everything he asked for.....starting with anal sex as much as he wanted.
He confessed to a shocked Denise who was so disgusted at his treason that she immediately broke up. She packed his suitcase, threw away all the lingerie, books and ornaments he had given her within a couple of years, tore up all their photos together and sent everything to his office.
Jeff argued and pleaded and insisted it was her fault but Denise had enough self respect to know she deserves better than someone who will blackmail her each time he does not get his own way.
Jeff misses her to this day and has only recently accepted that he has lost, something he is not accustomed too. Butt girl thinks she has won but should be prepared to be cheated on because this is who Jeff is. Denise is currently taking a break from dating as she is profoundly nauseated from the sordid outcome of this affair, but she is extremely proud of the ladylike way in which she handled herself and saved her dignity.
I as her friend have seen her suffering and rejoice in her recovery. She was right to let him go, we must not accept to submit to our partners every whim , no matter how brilliant an gorgeous the guy is, if they don't treat us right, there will be a price to pay.
The price is....the will no longer have access to our bodies and will be ejected from our lives permanently. Jeff has lost a good woman here, good luck finding someone better.

Merry Christmas and happy new year dear readers

Merry Christmas dear readers, may you have a beautiful time during Christmas whatever your conditions are. Maybe you have a family or friends who love you, maybe you are alone with a dog or a cat who loves you or maybe you are by yourself at home. Are you sick or recovering in a hospital ? Are you behind bars ? Are you depressed ? Are you working far away abroad or serving in the army ?
Remember you have managed to survive another year, make a mental list of what you have learned this year. What feels good about 2013 ? What went not so good and what could you have done better ?
Next year is your chance to change what needs to be changed and to apply all the lessons you have learned in 2013. I wish you lots of love, mountains of pleasure and oceans of fun.

My sexual freedom doesnt give you the right to disrespect me

Many moons ago when I decided to become the boss of my sexlife, I knew it meant that in order to avoid the lows of love such as heart breaks, betrayal and deceptions of all kind, I would also have to renounce the highs of it such as the excitement of falling in love, sharing secrets, baring my soul, trusting and the magic of loving sex.
This was a conscious decision, it probably wont work for every woman but it sure works for me.
Even so, I sometimes let someone in a little too close for comfort and they always try to be the one who brings me to my knees.
Why do men always want to try to boss me around ? I have no idea nor do I even care.
They just cant stand it when they see I wont let them break me and it always end in a split.
There is a pattern emerging  which is quite interesting from an anthropological point of view and it never falters :
we meet, he is excited by my unavailability , impressed by my strength and love bombs me for days, weeks, months or even years.
I am enjoying him, loving his passion, giving all I deem givable within my limits.
Then one day he decides he should be in charge of the connection, he not me.
He tries to cajole or screw me into submission, I recognize the pattern and take my distances.
He either leaves or stays and tries to manipulate me.
This fails too and he either leaves or try to emotionally blackmails me.
Again to no avail because I rather walk away from a man I really like if he mistreats me than keep him at the risk of losing my dignity and self-respect.
If he is smart he leaves and seeks someone easier to push, if he is not..... as is the current situation, he will try and try to provoke me, insult me, seduce me and even blame me.
I want to use my sexual freedom for my own fun and to have complete control over my life most of the time. which is why I only play with people who are single. Never have I used it to harm anyone but it would appear some lunatic gave himself the right to judge me and use my freedom against me. Again with no luck.
My sexual freedom is no excuse for a man to boss me around. My sexual freedom does not mean there is a lack of dignity on my part, just a terror of being badly hurt again. My sexual freedom is not an open invitation for some Y chromosome cro magnon macho to be the boss of me.
Ladies remember, you are free to love or not love whom you please, being sexually active, players even, does not mean that men have the right to abuse you in any way.
Do we all understand each other ? cool.
Any of you with question can email me privately or leave comments.
Go have fun !

Sex with my ex ? No thanks !

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaack !
Sorry about my silence lately, a bout of flu and hours of sleeping in front of meaningless tv programs later, I am happy to be bright eyed and bushy tailed again.
What are we talking about today ? Oh yes !
Should we take back an ex lover who has been very naughty and not in a nice way ?
Let me think about this for a second....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Absolutely not.
There is a reason why you left him in the first place, remember what did not feel good about him or her. Why did you have to forego the great sex to get rid of the drama ? Was it cheating ? lies ? manipulations ? pushing you around ? bad manners ? disrespect ? broken promises ? constant lateness and let downs ? Why did you stop shagging him or her ?
There must have been a good reason for it or else you would still dance  samba together between your sheets.
What did he do that made it impossible to carry on even a sex friendship or a platonic friendship ?
What did he say that made you feel so little, so insignificant that you couldn't even  argue at the time , busy as you were trying not to cry in front of your tormentor.
In my case I remember clearly that the gorgeous man who sends me flamboyant yellow roses and emails me pages and pages of heartfelt apologies mixed with seductive mentions of how perfect our bodies fitted together and how very much he misses my company, my tenderness and my passion....I clearly remember this very man coldly telling me that he was shagging someone else in Geneva since a number of months and how they tested so that they could do it bareback ! To make matters worse, the idiot actually told me this while making love.
Who does that ?
Igor did. Igor tried to screw me into submission.
He came into my bed that day with an agenda, to impose his will onto me and hit below the belt at a most vulnerable moment. This is despicable to say the least.
To this day I cant figure out what it is Igor was hoping to achieve.
Was he trying to display power ? Well it coasted him his best sexfriend ever.
An attempt at domination maybe ? it failed parlously.
Making me jealous ? It turned me off completely.
Trying to make me give him something I always denied him ? Well he lost it all now didnt'he.
Yes I do miss Igor, his huge dick, his voluptuous caresses and his skilful lovemaking. I miss his culture and his refinement. I miss his voice telling me how much he wants me. His smile, his glances. Hmmm I miss everything about Igor BUT there is no way I am handing him an open invitation to hurt me again.
Now he regrets being so aggressive, now he misses me so badly, he misses everything about me he says, now he is sorry. Is he ? I'm sorry too, it is too late to erase what he did, too late to beg, to late to get on his knees, to late to take away the humiliation, too late to charm his way out of this mess, too late to take back the back stubbing and lowliness of his deed. It is too late I don't trust Igor anymore. No matter what I will never let him touch me again and he will have to accept that.
Men can be like children, they push and push to see how far you will let them go and if I let him get away with such a mistreatment, there is no telling how he will stub me in the back next. My friend C was telling me this morning that sometimes we need to be hard on ourselves just to avoid a really bad situation.
I have done this before with my last  boyfriend , I have done this with my favourite sexfriend too, it shouldn't be too hard to do this where Igor is concerned. Let him learn from this and maybe he might treat his next lover with a tad more consideration, unless she allows the macho crap that failed with me. But I am after all the boss of my sexlife, how fortunate for me !

When a man breaks your trust, quit him.

Once  trust has been broken you can not ever get it back.

A very wise and clever young man told me this :

" Sometimes you know a woman is not right for you but you still have to have her not matter what, you will do and say absolutely anything to conquer her and once she is yours.... after a while, reason will kick in and you will realise that you need to let her go because of such and such reasons that will make your life better or quieter without her in it.
Someday you realise something is missing and you can no longer deny you miss her terribly.
You simply must have her back. Passion takes over and you will apologise and plead and beg and provoke and threaten and make promises you know you cannot keep. You will even argue and use reverse psychology , if you have to you will fight to gain her trust again.
You must have your girl back at all cost, including hers.
For a while you are happy but then somehow....reality bites you in the bum and you remember that the two of you just don't function together outside a bed and you will again walk away from her, breaking her trust and wrecking  her altogether.
This is a vicious circle that might happen just once or repeat itself many times and it never ends well.
Someone always gets hurt if it does not stop in time. "

A lot of men and women go through this. I certainly have at least twice, men somehow land on their feet and get the best of both worlds. Most of us women feel devastated at losing their shred of happiness each time.
What can we do to protect ourselves against this delicious Sisyphus rock ?
Do not take him back
Do not take him back
Do not take him back

Sex with an ex can be excruciating if one of you still has feelings for the other.
Igor wants me, even after all he said, the cheating , the lies and the pathetic attempt at domination. Igor still wants me. So sure was he of the power of his huge manhood, that he thought he could do such a number on me and come back into my arms with a flashy smile and all would be forgiven.
I reacted in a way Igor did not expect. I used the good old silent treatment trick.
Yes it still works in 2013.
At first he tried casual friendly texting.
Silence.
Then he asked me out in a flirtatious way.
Silence.
Then he texted a heartfelt apology for having hurt my feelings.
Silence.
Now he is trying to manipulate me, scare me, force a reaction out of me, control me.
Silence.
I really can not  shag Igor anymore. I would still want him but I can never trust him again. How could I relax in his arms while I would be wondering when he is going to pull the macho crap or if he is going to say something hurtful ? How could I come when I would have to constantly anticipate his attacks ? I am just not going to risk it, instead I shall accept that when a man betrays your trust ..... you just don't give him another chance to hurt you again.
Sex with an ex ? No thanks.