They say I love you and they leave. WTF ?

Lately I have come to realise that the most dangerous words a lover can say to me are words of love.
Apart from the father of my children, whenever a boyfriend, lover or  shagbuddie says they have feelings for me, that they like me a little too much, that they think they could fall in love with me, that we couldnt kiss like that unless we were connected in some way or that they love me......my whole body prepares for the worse because it is exactly what happens next !
Why cant someone  just say they like me and carry on seeing me ?
Why do they have to complicate things with pretend words of love ?
I have never asked a lover to say they love me,  not ever. I occasionally thought that it would be nice for some people to say it at some point but I always controlled myself and swallowed my words before I could do some damages. If I can do this why cant they ?
How annoying is it that each time a lover start some kind of declaration it is always the prelude to blackmail, breaking up or hysterics !
This year alone from January to July, this curse repeated itself twice within 7 months. Martin breaks up with me in bed and say he has feeling for me, K once mentioned possibly falling madly in love with me and dumped me by text a couple of weeks later !
Guys !seriously. Why do you tell people you love them if it a lie ? A big fat ugly lie, unrealistic illusions.
Don't I always tell you I don't want to hear rubbish or lies ? How often have I told all of them as soon as they start these love lies that there is no need to lie to me to get me in bed, just give me what I want already !
Give me lots of mind blowing sex and do not, I repeat , do not talk about love under no bloody circumstances ! Ever !
Next time a lover say they love me I shall just jump out of bed and break up myself.

my way just works better

I may have been a little absent lately and I am back now richer from an amazing experience. Nearly 4 months ago I met someone wonderful and I have allowed myself to relax more than I usually do. At the same time my daughter told me while we shared a yummy pizza than she was beyond fed up with my refusal to commit. There are some great people around , she said, how can a loving person like you constantly turn down chances of something more substantial than just " cheeky cheeky boom boom ", her words , not mine. Since I have the highest respect for my daughter's opinion I opened up about my new lover being so extraordinary that I might actually be tempted not to be naughty. My daughter was delighted and even wanted to meet that wonder. My new lover is sane, articulate, caring, considerate, educated, sexy and smart. We have had nearly 4 months of absolutely fabulous sex, without any cheating at all, I kept turning every single offer down, even from really cute guys.  We would have great conversations, sharing thoughts and opinions. We were on the same wave length intellectually and even my cat totally approved. I was so enjoying that new found intimacy that I did  something I had never done with a lover before, I always keep my writing a secret from anyone I date but this time.... I basically handed my new lover the key to my mind. Reading my book and my blog was quite a tool to know how to handle me right. This took a lot of trust on my part but I took the risk anyway, suspecting I might get my ass kicked someday but it didnt stop me at the time. I always knew there was a heinous, hysterical  ex lover whom might be a threat to us some day but I never thought it would come so soon. Faced with a choice that I always knew might come, my lover opted for the past rather than the present. For tyranny rather than sweetness.
Why would someone settle for non love when they can have sanity and fun ?
Do you get my frustration and disappointment ? If someone else ever breaks up with me again saying I am " too good,  so strong, so this and so that,"  I swear I will slap them hard !
My point is I have had 2 wonderful affairs  that have confirmed big time that my way is best.
Last year I had this lover Martin with whom there was  passion but no communication at all, I allowed myself to give in ever so slightly  and got screwed in the end. This year I had this lover K with whom communication flowed freely and happily, the best ever. I opened up completely, and gave that person all the things I had refused Martin  last year and..... I still end up screwed anyway  !
Is this a huge cosmic joke or what ?
I have learned my lesson ( twice ) , and will get back to my old ways. fuck trust and fidelity, long live fuckbuddies and one night stands.
My way, being the boss of my sex life, my way is THE best way.

Why dont men listen ?

Why dont men ever listen to a word I say ? Everytime I date a new man , I always state very clearly what I want and what I dont want. No relationship, no strings, no faking love, no interfering my life or his, just great sex using condoms. Those who dont like the sound of that, just run. Fine.
Those who accept my terms stay and date me for weeks, months and even years.
Am I unreasonable to assume that if they do date me for a while, it might mean that they actually heard what I said on the first date and processed it ?
Then, why oh why , do they all end up doing the opposite of what we had agreed upon ? At some point they blackmail me into having a real relationship, living together or having kids. I refuse and they leave. Im so tired of the same charade repeating itself, what is it I say or do not say clearly ? A woman trying to change a man is always dubbed hysterical and stalky, a man trying to change a woman is just being a man ? Bitch please !
Crazy Angelo with whom I had an affair a hundreds years ago and broke up with me, actually facebooked me last week reminiscing and regretting walking away, apologized and asked if we could try again ! Nothing could have surprised me more , but I gently refused, he asked if we might have a drink somewhere, Crazy Angelo did not listen.
My number one stalker Karim , regularly has episodes of stalkisms where he keeps ringing and texting, asking when and where. Somebody tells me which part of   " stay the fuck out of my life, I want nothing to do with you " Karim doesnt understand.
Karim did not listen.
Mark, a gorgeous yoruba that also broke up with me because he decided I was girlfriend material but I reminded him that I warned that I am not, had not listened the first time and walked away with his nose up. Mark has tried to get back into my pants rather forcefully this month, calls, showing up in my shop with a girlfriend to try to make me jaelous, texts and ultimately another visit in my shop to talk me into letting him into my life again. I reminded him of why he had left, he said he will now accepts my conditions because I was really sweet and he missed my touch. It took four heated discussions for Mark to let go. He was not listening.
During my arguing with Mark, I asked him what is it he had not understood when I said on our first date that there would be nothing else that fabulous sex and a few giggles, did he remember that talk ?
He did.
Then why was he not listening to a word of it ??????   
Why did he not get what I said???????????
Why did he try make me do something I clearly said I would not do ???????????
Why had he not listened ????????????????????????
Mark thought about it for a while and he answered quite seriously :
-I dont know.
He did not know ?
He did not know.
Dont you just hate it when men play stupid in order to avoid a conversation ? Me too.
So if I understand men, when they have a good fuckbuddy they want the love and care of a relationship, When they do have a relationship, they get bored and long for the hot touch of a no string attached lover. And when you ask them why.....they dont know !
Im not sure if I should cry or laugh but I am accepting that men and women do not speak the same language, which is why it is so important to keep the power of our sexual freedom to fight them.

some men are like crack

Some men are like crack. Impossible to get rid off. Highly addictive straight away, extremely toxic and they cost a lot. Im not talking about money here, Im talking about what such men cost in terms of time wasted feeling sorry for yourself, thinking endlessly about the situation without ever finding acceptable solutions and obsessing over him when he is not around. Im talking about the nervous cost when you are crying or feeling worthless, wondering why he treats you the way he does and why you allow it. Im talking about thoughts of him distracting you while you are at work and getting in the way of your real life.
Some men are like crack. You are fully aware that he is bad for you and will prove destructive in the long run yet.... you just cant stop helping yourself to your regular dose of him and a little more. Each time he looks at you lovingly you tells yourself that maybe he is not so bad after all. Each time you have fabulous sex you just give in and put your brain on hold. Each time he holds you for a post sex cuddle you forget all your resolutions and you just  know you will do anything to keep that. Each time he switches back to asshole mode you decide this is the last time he will ever hurt your feelings again and each time he walks away, you tell yourself it was the last time you gave him an opportunity to be a pig.
There ! You made up your mind. The bitch is out of your life................................ But he keeps calling. He keeps calling and he keeps texting. He might even turn up out of the blue. He keeps reminding you of how wonderful he makes you feel, how he makes your head spin with his kiss. By now you have dated other men, worked on projects, moved on....but.... your body still craves its crack/man, You convince yourself that now you are strong enough to play without fallingback into that bad habit and you make the terrible mistake of tasting that highly addictive, bad bad bad crack/man one last time and..................you are hooked again !
Anxieties, deceptions and insecurity return to your daily life and off we go again for another round of misery with this  really hot but inapropriate, highly desirable but so dangerous, cuddly but prickly wrong wrong wrong guy. I compare this a lot to coming off addiction because this is how it feels, you know that stuff/man is toxic beyond belief yet you keep doing this to yourself. Even when you have weaned yoursel of it you still have some moments of crave when you contemplate giving it one last go. You will have flashbacks and there will be a million little things reminding you of crack/man and good times shared together but if you go back you will endanger your whole future.
When a man is wrong for you, he is wrong for you. What makes him wrong for you ? age difference, bi polarity, weird religion, tough carreer, alcoholism, drug use, bad temper, his mother maybe ?  Who cares ? No matter what it is that makes him wrong for you, the fact is that wonderful man is poison when it comes to you, so lets make a comitment to ourselves not to have anything to do with the creep ever again before he destroys you. Of course you will be tempted, you cannot help it, but you can control how you will handle that temptation.
Delete his texts, mails, anything old and new. Refuse to have any contacts whatsoever with him and push away any thoughts of him. Toxic men will keep returning but some day their narcissism will take over and they will hunt down someone easier to fascinate.
Just like the best way out of alcoholism is total abstinence, the best way out of an addictive toxic man is having no contacts with him ever again. Ever.
Some day the pain and the temptations will be gone and you might giggle at the good memories of him.

What's with the baby craze anyway ?

A neighbour of mine, a surgeon in her late forties, started an affair with a consultant in his late fifties, five minutes later they moved in together even though she had a teenage son. They seemed to be happy for a couple of years but then he started to obssess about having a baby to the point that he hardly ever talked about anything else. How ridiculous ! At their age and already  having a young adult child each, what was the point or the hurry anyway ? His constant blabering ruined the quality of their relationship and she eventually left him. A friend of mine told me the other day that he always ends up being dumped by his girlfriends when they demand to have a baby and he refuses. At the age of 45 and having raised a teenage son, he considers his job is done and cant be bothered with bottles, tantrums and diapers anymore. I totally understand his position, why dont his girlfriends ?  I lost my favourite shagbuddy for this very reason, and it also happened to me when I was younger. It would seem some people figure that they must pregnate or procreate with each new significant lover. How irresponsible is that ?
I once turned down a guy who really wanted to date me by pretending I wouldnt date him because I had a boyfriend already, I liked him enough to let him down gently with a little white lie. His reaction was to ask me if I had any kids with my bf, else it was not a real relationship. What is that all about ?
A connection is a connection if you have a great time, tons of fabulous sex and whatever else feels good, wha do people ruin everything with the baby obligation ? Specially those who already have been through it. I have raised my children and now I am entitled to having fun. I know Im not the only adult in that case. So enough of the baby craze already !
 When a man or a woman tells you at the first opportunity that they dont ever want to have children , why try to change their mind and emotionally blackmail them ? This is a silly and very dangerous game where no one ever wins. If a child is conceived for this sad reason, he will not be loved, he might be abandoned or mistreated, at the very least ignored. You see ? No one wins.
Having a baby, creating a life, should take  even more important  thinking and planing than buying a house or studying for a degree.
This is not a tool to force a man to stay or a woman to submit. Babies are not tools !