on fire !

after a stressful day at work I was looking forward to a long shower and curling up on the sofa with my cat in front of a funny movie BUT my favourite shagbuddy of all time rang to say he had had an awful day and wanted to unleash all his sexual energy on me. Decisions, decisions. What shall I do ?
Long shower and mind numbing tv OR hot hot hot sex with Igor ?
What would you have chosen ?
I jumped into a pale green kimono after a quick shower, fed my darling cat and put on some Marvin Gaye music.
As soon as I opened the door to Igor on fire , I knew I had chosen wisely. He swept me off my feet, ripped my kimono off my body and kissed me with a hunger I had seldom tasted on him. Igor and I stumbled in my living room and made out heavily on the dining table. What is it with guys and dining tables anyway ? If this piece of furniture could speak.....
Sex with Igor was slow and sexy, then wild and out of control, then gentle, then crazy again. Just what I needed, 3 orgasms in an hour , last one happened at the same time as Igor's ! It had been many months since I had come as intensely. Afterwards we stepped out of the shower and talked about how fantastic this primal sensation of catching fire at the same time had been. It felt as though we were not people but just elements of nature completely atuned to the univers but not knowing our names or where we were. We became, for a short moment, pure energy. Im surprised Igor went through the same at the moment I did, he reckons it could happen because we actually trust each other sexually so this is what we can achieve even if we are not in love romantically. See ? Thats exactly why Igor is my favourite of all time. He doesnt pretend to be in love nor to want more. He is very clear about what we are doing together. Why oh why arnt all men just like Igor ? Pure pleasure and no bullshit.

You dont need to be in love to have orgasms !

At last !  My favourite shagbuddy Igor and I had a fabulous romp last night. I had turned Igor down  a few times lately but last night, I was in the mood and very much delighted when he accepted to come over after my call. Igor walked in, swept me off my feet, gave me big slopery kisses while taking his shirt off. Undressing a guy in my hall,  seconds after he walks in , is so much fun to me !
We stumbled all the way to my bedroom while kissing, fell on the bed half dressed and fireworks were on. Igor was on fire last night.  He didnt bother say that he had missed me and neither did I. None of those hypocrital stuff, Igor knows I dont go for time wasting lies and banalities.  We just focused on giving each other a good time or should I say a really really great time. After nearly two hours of mind blowing sex and a couple of orgasms, Igor and I just fell back on my pillows to catch our breath. As hot Igor was spooning me,  I was basquing in the aftermath of  coming so hard when I remembered how Martin and I use to lie down and look at each other lovingly,  post sex, I was really annoyed at the thought and pushed it away.  When Igor went back home , we hugged and said thank you for a magnificient screw, I remembered how Martin and I used to french kiss goodnight endlessly before he would leave. This time I embraced the thought and after Igor left, with a happy I-just-had-a-great-fuck- look on his face, I decided to agknowledge that what had happened before had happened and that was fine. Now when  I do compare, I do accept that it is better with feelings but the price is too high, Sure Igor and I did not lock onto each other and kiss lovingly for hours but we did give each other orgasms and when he left I felt good about myself. I enjoyed a long shower, had a hot chocolate, cuddled up with my cat and slept like a baby. I did not wonder when I would see him again, I didnt text him, I didnt relive each moment with him, Nothing at all. Imediate satisfaction without regrets nor consequences. The kind of sex I love ! YAY ! That's how its gonna be again from now on.
To those who still dont understand what im doing, I have one answer : You dont need to be in love  with whom you sleep with to have an orgasm ! or two !

There is no such thing as a painfree life

Nothing we can ever do will keep pain out of our life no matter what we do to avoid it.
We can more or less keep away from obvious impeding disasters, we may even do some damage control but we can never avoid pain alltogether and that is it.
28 years ago I suffered atrocious labour pain to give birth to my daughter only to end up having a caesarian anyway. I was so frustrated  that I demanded straight away to have a caesarian when I went back to have my son three years later. I thought I would spare myself the pain of long, useless labour. I bypassed the hated labour BUT I hurt anyway as it took me much much longer to recover.
When my last boyfriend Ismet, broke my heart by giving into a forced marriage and terminated our love, I hurt so very much I decided never to fall in love again in order to keep the agony of love pain away from my bruised heart. YET every ten years, one special man cleverly squeezes his way into my feelings only to try and rub my face in it. It isnt heartbreak painful but it is still frustrating and sadening.
When my beautiful guinea pig Speedy died many years ago I swore all animals off, I never wanted to feel that crushed again. BUT what did I do a year later ? I adopted my  beloved cat Shabanne and she gave me three wonderful kitten. I knew that meant having my heart broken another four times in the future but I loved my cat familly too much to stop loving them  ( no regrets here ). I was devastated when Shabanne departed this world because of bone cancer and felt immense sorrows when her sons followed with kidney failure. The pain of their death was unbearable and I miss them to this day. I love her daughter T and take great care of her, giving her all my love unconditionaly even though I know this friendship will also crush me one day.
Two Christmases ago, I lost a friend of mine who was the salt of the earth, the kind of man you can only dream exist , a young man who was decent, honnest, open, tolerant, kind, exciting, smart and very attractive. This beautiful soul died on Christmas day with his fiancée in a horrible car accident, although driving in dangerous conditions was his favourite sport. He lived in utah  and I was stricken by this tragedy,I cried for days and I always remember my friend at Christmas.
I have never smoked YET, since 6 months I have a stupid condition that forces me to sleep with some kind of  machine at night in order to keep breathing when Im asleep. It is not painful per se but rather annoying at night, thanks Heaven I am single !
You see ?  So much efforts in every aspect of my life in the hope to escape pain YET the bitch always catches up somehow. Is pain necessary ? does it keep us humble and grounded ? Perhaps , but does it have to creep up when it is most unwanted  and unexpected ? Is it there to teach us something ?
Pain is unanavoidable, it is part of our life. I will just take it graciously and thank my lucky stars that it is not worse than it is , be grateful for the areas it is keeping away from.

They say I love you and they leave. WTF ?

Lately I have come to realise that the most dangerous words a lover can say to me are words of love.
Apart from the father of my children, whenever a boyfriend, lover or  shagbuddie says they have feelings for me, that they like me a little too much, that they think they could fall in love with me, that we couldnt kiss like that unless we were connected in some way or that they love me......my whole body prepares for the worse because it is exactly what happens next !
Why cant someone  just say they like me and carry on seeing me ?
Why do they have to complicate things with pretend words of love ?
I have never asked a lover to say they love me,  not ever. I occasionally thought that it would be nice for some people to say it at some point but I always controlled myself and swallowed my words before I could do some damages. If I can do this why cant they ?
How annoying is it that each time a lover start some kind of declaration it is always the prelude to blackmail, breaking up or hysterics !
This year alone from January to July, this curse repeated itself twice within 7 months. Martin breaks up with me in bed and say he has feeling for me, K once mentioned possibly falling madly in love with me and dumped me by text a couple of weeks later !
Guys !seriously. Why do you tell people you love them if it a lie ? A big fat ugly lie, unrealistic illusions.
Don't I always tell you I don't want to hear rubbish or lies ? How often have I told all of them as soon as they start these love lies that there is no need to lie to me to get me in bed, just give me what I want already !
Give me lots of mind blowing sex and do not, I repeat , do not talk about love under no bloody circumstances ! Ever !
Next time a lover say they love me I shall just jump out of bed and break up myself.

my way just works better

I may have been a little absent lately and I am back now richer from an amazing experience. Nearly 4 months ago I met someone wonderful and I have allowed myself to relax more than I usually do. At the same time my daughter told me while we shared a yummy pizza than she was beyond fed up with my refusal to commit. There are some great people around , she said, how can a loving person like you constantly turn down chances of something more substantial than just " cheeky cheeky boom boom ", her words , not mine. Since I have the highest respect for my daughter's opinion I opened up about my new lover being so extraordinary that I might actually be tempted not to be naughty. My daughter was delighted and even wanted to meet that wonder. My new lover is sane, articulate, caring, considerate, educated, sexy and smart. We have had nearly 4 months of absolutely fabulous sex, without any cheating at all, I kept turning every single offer down, even from really cute guys.  We would have great conversations, sharing thoughts and opinions. We were on the same wave length intellectually and even my cat totally approved. I was so enjoying that new found intimacy that I did  something I had never done with a lover before, I always keep my writing a secret from anyone I date but this time.... I basically handed my new lover the key to my mind. Reading my book and my blog was quite a tool to know how to handle me right. This took a lot of trust on my part but I took the risk anyway, suspecting I might get my ass kicked someday but it didnt stop me at the time. I always knew there was a heinous, hysterical  ex lover whom might be a threat to us some day but I never thought it would come so soon. Faced with a choice that I always knew might come, my lover opted for the past rather than the present. For tyranny rather than sweetness.
Why would someone settle for non love when they can have sanity and fun ?
Do you get my frustration and disappointment ? If someone else ever breaks up with me again saying I am " too good,  so strong, so this and so that,"  I swear I will slap them hard !
My point is I have had 2 wonderful affairs  that have confirmed big time that my way is best.
Last year I had this lover Martin with whom there was  passion but no communication at all, I allowed myself to give in ever so slightly  and got screwed in the end. This year I had this lover K with whom communication flowed freely and happily, the best ever. I opened up completely, and gave that person all the things I had refused Martin  last year and..... I still end up screwed anyway  !
Is this a huge cosmic joke or what ?
I have learned my lesson ( twice ) , and will get back to my old ways. fuck trust and fidelity, long live fuckbuddies and one night stands.
My way, being the boss of my sex life, my way is THE best way.