some men are like crack

Some men are like crack. Impossible to get rid off. Highly addictive straight away, extremely toxic and they cost a lot. Im not talking about money here, Im talking about what such men cost in terms of time wasted feeling sorry for yourself, thinking endlessly about the situation without ever finding acceptable solutions and obsessing over him when he is not around. Im talking about the nervous cost when you are crying or feeling worthless, wondering why he treats you the way he does and why you allow it. Im talking about thoughts of him distracting you while you are at work and getting in the way of your real life.
Some men are like crack. You are fully aware that he is bad for you and will prove destructive in the long run yet.... you just cant stop helping yourself to your regular dose of him and a little more. Each time he looks at you lovingly you tells yourself that maybe he is not so bad after all. Each time you have fabulous sex you just give in and put your brain on hold. Each time he holds you for a post sex cuddle you forget all your resolutions and you just  know you will do anything to keep that. Each time he switches back to asshole mode you decide this is the last time he will ever hurt your feelings again and each time he walks away, you tell yourself it was the last time you gave him an opportunity to be a pig.
There ! You made up your mind. The bitch is out of your life................................ But he keeps calling. He keeps calling and he keeps texting. He might even turn up out of the blue. He keeps reminding you of how wonderful he makes you feel, how he makes your head spin with his kiss. By now you have dated other men, worked on projects, moved on....but.... your body still craves its crack/man, You convince yourself that now you are strong enough to play without fallingback into that bad habit and you make the terrible mistake of tasting that highly addictive, bad bad bad crack/man one last time and..................you are hooked again !
Anxieties, deceptions and insecurity return to your daily life and off we go again for another round of misery with this  really hot but inapropriate, highly desirable but so dangerous, cuddly but prickly wrong wrong wrong guy. I compare this a lot to coming off addiction because this is how it feels, you know that stuff/man is toxic beyond belief yet you keep doing this to yourself. Even when you have weaned yoursel of it you still have some moments of crave when you contemplate giving it one last go. You will have flashbacks and there will be a million little things reminding you of crack/man and good times shared together but if you go back you will endanger your whole future.
When a man is wrong for you, he is wrong for you. What makes him wrong for you ? age difference, bi polarity, weird religion, tough carreer, alcoholism, drug use, bad temper, his mother maybe ?  Who cares ? No matter what it is that makes him wrong for you, the fact is that wonderful man is poison when it comes to you, so lets make a comitment to ourselves not to have anything to do with the creep ever again before he destroys you. Of course you will be tempted, you cannot help it, but you can control how you will handle that temptation.
Delete his texts, mails, anything old and new. Refuse to have any contacts whatsoever with him and push away any thoughts of him. Toxic men will keep returning but some day their narcissism will take over and they will hunt down someone easier to fascinate.
Just like the best way out of alcoholism is total abstinence, the best way out of an addictive toxic man is having no contacts with him ever again. Ever.
Some day the pain and the temptations will be gone and you might giggle at the good memories of him.

What's with the baby craze anyway ?

A neighbour of mine, a surgeon in her late forties, started an affair with a consultant in his late fifties, five minutes later they moved in together even though she had a teenage son. They seemed to be happy for a couple of years but then he started to obssess about having a baby to the point that he hardly ever talked about anything else. How ridiculous ! At their age and already  having a young adult child each, what was the point or the hurry anyway ? His constant blabering ruined the quality of their relationship and she eventually left him. A friend of mine told me the other day that he always ends up being dumped by his girlfriends when they demand to have a baby and he refuses. At the age of 45 and having raised a teenage son, he considers his job is done and cant be bothered with bottles, tantrums and diapers anymore. I totally understand his position, why dont his girlfriends ?  I lost my favourite shagbuddy for this very reason, and it also happened to me when I was younger. It would seem some people figure that they must pregnate or procreate with each new significant lover. How irresponsible is that ?
I once turned down a guy who really wanted to date me by pretending I wouldnt date him because I had a boyfriend already, I liked him enough to let him down gently with a little white lie. His reaction was to ask me if I had any kids with my bf, else it was not a real relationship. What is that all about ?
A connection is a connection if you have a great time, tons of fabulous sex and whatever else feels good, wha do people ruin everything with the baby obligation ? Specially those who already have been through it. I have raised my children and now I am entitled to having fun. I know Im not the only adult in that case. So enough of the baby craze already !
 When a man or a woman tells you at the first opportunity that they dont ever want to have children , why try to change their mind and emotionally blackmail them ? This is a silly and very dangerous game where no one ever wins. If a child is conceived for this sad reason, he will not be loved, he might be abandoned or mistreated, at the very least ignored. You see ? No one wins.
Having a baby, creating a life, should take  even more important  thinking and planing than buying a house or studying for a degree.
This is not a tool to force a man to stay or a woman to submit. Babies are not tools !

romantic sex does not mean he loves you.

Discussing with an old friend today about our current lovers and how happy we are with them, the subject of past lovers came up. At some point Mirjam mentioned  Martin ( ex shag buddy ) must have loved me. What on earth made her think such a thing , I wondered.
Mirjam recalled all the the wonderful sex I had described to her and how he and I used to lock onto each other' eyes and cuddle endlessly post sex. To Mirjam this kind of romantic behaviour means he was in love with me. To me, it means we had great  sexual chemistry and more. He did admit he had feelings for me when we parted so I wont deny it, however he never actually said those three words. Therefore my conclusion is .... when a connection between a man and a woman is so strong, when the sex is so magical that post sex includes romantic cuddles, loving gazing and endless spooning...it means gratitude for the joy shared together, it means he is fully living the moment , it means he is totally relaxed and maybe a little connected to you in that very moment... it means many precious things  BUT it doesnt mean he loves you.
You cannot know for sure that this means love until he shows it in more concrete ways.
Mirjam is making the classic female mistake to confuse sexual happyness for love. I should know, I almost fell for it myself. Men know exactly what it is, most women dont and I admit it is really hard to tell the difference if you are not the boss of your sex life.
Ladies, stay on your guards when he is wonderful post sex too. He might be romantic and cuddly but he does not mean that he loves you.

What is the perfect lover ?

What makes the perfect lover perfect ?
What is a perfect lover ?
Let me share with  you what a perfect lover is to me anyway.......Sexually speaking this person rocks your world in and out of bed. Not only gives you fabulous romps but gives you exactly the kind of sex you love, as much of it as you want. He or she finds out slowly and sensuously what makes you moan or not, observes what makes you come hard and what makes you scream. Such a lover makes sure your needs are met before theirs. They give and give and when you return their caresses it turns to a fabulous feast of exchanging mind blowing pleasure till you drop in each other arms marvelling at what you have given each other.
Afterward it is cuddle time or talking time, or both.
You look at each other lovingly, no one is in a superior position, you feel entirely equal to each other. Domination is nowhere to be feared. This kind of lover never blackmails you sexually, never plays silly mind games and never tries  to take advantage of you showing your vulnerability. This person is smart, articulate and always gets your meaning.
You feel cared for and you glow in a circle of trust with your lover.
Socially.... he or she makes you feel very wanted but never stalked. Charming calls or texts to let you  know that they think of you,  make you feel warm inside but never threatened. That kind of lover actually listens when you talk and might surprise you with little treats out of the blue. If he or she can cook, love animals and has a solid sense of humour then I would say you caught yourself THE most perfect lover in the history of perfect lovers.
Someone who accepts the way I live and doesnt  want to change me. Someone who doesnt want children or living together. Someone who never pressures me for anything, someone I can be myself with and talk freely without calculating risks and fearing some  weird over reactions, without holding back all the time. Someone I am not afraid of and is not afraid of me.
That's what I call the perfect lover.

Finding great sex where you are not looking for it

Today at work, my boss surprised me with a huge bouquet of beautiful flowers. I couldnt believe it when she said they were for me. I started working at the center exactly ten years ago today ! How classy of her, I had totally forgoten. As I walked home with my wonderful velvety looking flowers in my arms I reflected on what working ten years at the center has done for my social life. A lot.
I have made some mates I still socialize with today. Formed some solid sexfriendships that are still on today, almost fell in love twice. I had many interesting conversations with really good people. I have on occasion helped women with bad men problems or councelled teenagers who couldnt talk to their parents, encouraged those who needed it and comforted those who sought solace.
Last but not least I have met many gorgeous strangers who gave me all sort of sex. Dangerous, mysterious, exciting, wild, dirty, quick, long lasting, experimental, loving, and really beautiful sex.
Working there, I found tons of fabulous sex when I was absolutely not looking for it.
Who knew I could get some of the best sex of that decade by standing behind a counter in that little center, not even in the most famous part of Zurich. Not only was it a sound business decision but it did wonders for my dating life. It would have been so frustrating to work here had I not been single !
The crasiest, most incredible but also loveliest men of Zurich all walked in to ask about a product on the shelves and walked out with the promess of a fabulous sexperience with moi !
Who needs to go cruising in bars ? I just go to work, lol.
What an incredible ride this has been. Here is to the next ten years of madness, yay!