Why should we always change for them ?

Mirjam is a pretty, smart, strongwilled and opinionated woman in a thirties. She has a good computer job and is quite independant. She also has a handicap that has her sitting in a wheelchair since birth and  that has never stoped her from having boyfriends, both valid and not. Mirjam broke off her last long term relationship because her boyfriend  was getting a little too dominant. Since she decided to have a try at being the boss of her own sexlife, she told her new love interest that she would prefer to stick to a physical connection rather than an actual relationship. We are both pretty sure this guy noticed that Mirjam was in a wheelchair after sleeping with her for a few weeks. The day came when he said  he wanted a real relationship with Mirjam and do couple things with her. She reciprocated his feelings therefore accepting to have a real relationship with her lover. He started to get bossy and unpleasant as soon as he was certain of Mirjam's feelings for him. His demands are unreasonable and evil. He has ridiculous expectations  such as the two of them taking walks with Mirjam not using her chair, which means she has to painfully uses special crutches for short distances. Why does make her do this ? Simply because he doesnt find the chair nice looking and he doesnt want to be seen dating a woman in a wheelchair ! Did the chair not bother him all those weeks they were shagging ? He must know she needs her chair to get around and yet he has the cruelty to force her not to, and all for the sake of how it looks ? If the dude doesnt want to date a disabled girl then he shouldnt date one. Or , he should have stayed in the closet like they were at the begining. The point Mirjam was making last night as we discussed this, is we always change who we are in order to suit our men. Why do we do this ? When we like our man we either change to fit the mold or we change as he tells us to. We diet to lose weight,  we dress to please him, we even change our hair dos and our hobbies for him. Must we always change who we are and what we do in order to keep a man ? Aparently we do. Being the boss of my sexlife means I dont have to go trough this nonsense anymore because I dont want to have my own man. That was one of the first benefice I enjoyed in my new philosophy. As to my mate Mirjam, I know her intelligence will kick in and trow the creep away when she reaches breaking point.

The scariest words a man can say to me

I just saw a really funny show about a 40 something divorcee who has a young lover and breaks up with him when he tells her he loves her, egged on by her girlfriends. The reality is not half as funny but not too far either.
There is a  movie that starts with Angelina Jolie beeing damped by her current lover because he was demanding a real relationship and she couldnt commit.
Im not unacustomed to such situations.

Younger lovers of mature women do have a tendance to get carried away strongly but they come down just as fast. Thats why if you date a younger man and he says the L word, its best to put a stop to it before starting a chain of events that will lead to serious heart break.
In fact if any man you are dating says the L word, run for your life, or if you really like the guy tell him you dont want to hear that word again if he wants to carry on whatever it is you got going. ( unless you want to devellop a relationship, then you need a different strategy ) .
People , specially women, often misunderstand sexual extasy for love, they confuse sexual compatibility with completing each other.

Sometimes a sexual encounter is so intense and so beautiful that you cant stop thinking of it and you absolutely need to recreate the magic , you want to feel again what he made you feel because it was so extraordinary that you sometimes wonder if it really happened at all.
Thats when you are lucky.
Which is great  for the lovely memory of a wonderful one night stand, but what happens if you repeat the same experience with the same guy and feel the same wonder again and again ?
Most of the time the novelty will wear off and the magical lover will turn into a friendly poker that will turn around after 10 minutes to snore and fart and you will be left wondering what it is you ever fancied about him in the first place.
Thats when you are quite lucky.
Sometimes, the sex is so good that you will cross a few lines and break a few rules and suddenlly your shag buddy is not a sex toy anymore, you know his history, you know his likes and dislikes, you understand his point of view and agree without arguing, you began to establish a rapport of trust, something that should be reserved for friends only.
You even wonder if maybe this could be "the one" , you are more and more relaxed around him and the day he offers to take things further into a relationship you jump in with both feet. That wasnt what you were looking for but you stumbled on a love story so why not chance it ?
The day he tells you he loves you, you want to believe it so much that you allow yourself to be completely exposed to all sorts of harms, you even begin to change your life to suit his and at first it feels really good...

Men always want what they cannot have so a woman like me is often viewed as a challenge to them, many have tried to break me, 2 of them nearly made it.
The most scary words a man can say to me are : you are safe with me.
When a man says  these words I tense up and get ready for battle. It is as when a man says: I dont want to hurt you, he is going to hurt you within 5 minutes of saying this. And when a man says I love you right in the middle of a fabulous romp or right after it or during a special moment, how can you trust him ? is it sexual gratitude ? is it a trick to make sure you will be faithfull ? is it a con to make you defenseless so that he can tear you apart ? is it because he is at a low point in his life and he thinks you might make a fine compagnion ?
How can you trust a man when he says I love you ?
Most of them have an agenda. Good or bad, it always ends up with him submitting you to his will with the option of flashing you down the toilet once you have given him everything and you are no longer a worthy opponant.
You end up broken hearted, distrusting of people, and humilated.
Thats when you are not very lucky at all.
Is it worth the risk ? I put it to you that it is not.
Last year I got dumbed by 3 of my bedmates whom I had really liked, Djawad, Mark and Volker, I didnt even get annoyed because this often happens in my connections to men, they end up wanting more, I dont want to give more and they flee. Or they try to tell me what to do, I rebel and they flee still !
Im used to it, I hate it but I rather go trough this regularly than say yes to a relationship and get seriously hurt.
Am I overdoing it ? Probably. But thats the way it works for me,
would it work for you ?
I  havent gotten my heart broken in years ! yay !

The most heinous question a man can ask

There is a really ridiculous and rude question some men ask women, it has always driven me bonkers. This is such an intrusion in my private life !!!!
Women never ever ask that most heinous question to men.
Women might ask : How often have you been in love before ?
Men stupidly ask : How many men have you slept with before me ?

Of all the idiotic questions to ask ?
How dare they ? Who cares ?
They dont ask how many men we have loved, No, they want to know how many penises  have been there before theirs.
Why ?
For crying outloud why ?

Never ever answer this intrusive question because you will never win.
If you havent had many lovers, your man will think nobody wanted you before he did.
If you have had many lovers, he  will call you a whore, yes he will.
There is no winning this.
No matter what you do, dont tell him ! or the one after that or the ones after that !
A famous german ladies mags run a story on this and advised readers to lie and make up a number according to how old they are so that it sounds plausible but keeping the number down anyway. So now we have to lie about the amount of pleasure we were lucky to have in our lives so far ?
Sounds a little hypocritical to me.
If a man is happy to enjoy sex with someone sexually competant who gives him mind blowing orgasms then we can suppose he must have figured out that she didnt learn this overnight from a couple of quickies, right ?
So , gentlemen, if you are happy with what you are beeing freely given, just enjoy and do not try to analyse.
I have always refused to answer that ridiculous 3td degree.
I remember Carlos who was an alcoholic and a cheater asking me this repeatedly till I bursted : Hey ! You think I could get that good in bed by doing only one man ?
To Dylan, a sweet one night stand, I just distracted him with kisses.
To Vaclav, a cute slovaquian movie husher, I answered he didnt know me enough to ask perssonal questions of this nature.
To Tony, a sexy confidant spaniard, I answered, probably as much as you have had, that got him laughing wholeheartedly.
To most others I just reply  : I didnt ask you how many you have been with, so leave me alone. And if they try to talk about how many girls they scored,  I just refuse to listen, you know they will lie about it anyway so that would be  a pretty pointless exercise.
I just argue that this is none of my business, it happened before you met me, therefore it is ancient history. ( unless they got infected with some crap from their exes. )
I do have two exceptions however, it is apropriate to answer this question to your very first man, and specially if it is the man you have chosen to be your husband. I was so very proud to tell Jake, my then fiancé that I was a virgin and he was extremely surprised but happy.
So unless this is the man you are gonna marry, any other sex toys, oops I mean any other men you play with, is not entitled to ask the heinous question. Ever.
To almost everyone else I will smile and whisper sweetly: its really none of your business, just enjoy the ride will you ?
 Ladies please, dont answer that, men dont want to know you can actually compare them to many others, and they dont want someone no one wanted. Unless they are religious men and want a virgin but thats an entirely different debate.
In the mean time :
Men : do not ask !
Ladies : do not answer !


                       

The point of beeing single

Ive been feeling pretty horny since yesterday, it has been a very busy week with very little me time , as was the week before and I had not had sex since that time with Volker 2 weeks ago.
I could have, but there was no one that i liked that was free, Stupid Djamel turned me off with his constant calling, and I think i recently did the whole town so..........I would bump into some of my play mates but we were all running to and from work, Jerome went to senegal, Byron is organising a concert, the other ones i dont want, there was no one new.

Yesterday Volker texted at 3 am, i was actually sleeping. He has done this before, why is he up at 3 am anyway ? Never mind.
Yesterday at work I was thinking about the hotness of  Igor and the romantism of Volker, comparing them, wondering who is hottest, who is best, who makes me feel more. And today I woke up really horny, as I kept wondering which one I should invite over for a " coffee ". I really felt like calling Volker but then he might suspect I like him, which I do, silly I know.
I turned down a booty call from some idiot im not interested in at all.
Bang !
Igor ,the king of wood called , right when I was in my bath....I was pleased
to hear that he was showering and shaving thinking of me, we agreed he could come a couple of hours later and I enjoyed my bath imagining how good this was gonna feel.
He came and we had fabulous mind blowing sex for an hour, at some point I told him to open his eyes and look at me and he was overwhelmed  by how intense this made the whole thing, declared he looooooves shagging me.
Really ? really Igor ? I had no idea ! lol

Later we are relaxing. making small talk, im trying to talk about sex, he is talking about his holls he just returned from, his little girl and works he is having done in his kitchen. Dude ! what did I say about no personal stuff !
Anyway this time he actually made a fuss of my cat when she came to say hello, brownie points for him !
I admit the sex was incredible, it was exactly what I wanted but it was nice also when  he left and I could sit with  my cat, finishing "the Canterville Ghost " by Oscar Wilde, in some old jammies and my face cream on.
The whole point of beeing single is to be able of doing exactly what I wanna do when i want it, without pressure or fear.
Turning down the booty calls I dont want without worrying he might not come back, taking the booty calls I do want without worrying about if he'll respect me in the morning or something stupid like that.

The point is : Having an orgasm or two, knowing I dont have to put up with a snoring and farting idiot  in my bed afterward, my cat and I are quite capable of doing that ourselves thank you,  I can just wear socks and jammies and read all I want without said snorer asking me to come to bed or to turn the light off, YAY !

Besides, a date actually shaves and showers before he goes and get laid, a husband or a boyfriend demand their conjugal right without seducing you or making an effort.

Man I love beeing single, it is wonderfull when you understand the benefits of singledom. What was Bridget Jones complaining about ?