Its best to be single because :

After surviving two marriages and a couple of relationships, I am in a position to compare and I definitely recommend singlehood as a wonderful lifestyle. I didnt say celibate nor did I say lonely, I said : single.
Its best to live life as a single woman on every level.
Sexually, its best to be single as you can seduce anyone you desire without missing out on great sexual opportunities because of  loyalty to any boyfriend or husband.
Carreerwise, its best to be single as you can make your own professional choices yourself on the spot without considering a guy's opinion or be slowed down by him.
Socially its best to be single as you are free to go out or away on hollidays anywhere anytime without asking permission, having to negotiate or fearing.
You can read till late or watch any tv show, you can even talk on the phone as late as you want to without someone asking you what you are doing so late and order you back to bed. Mostly when you comply, once you are in bed they just go back to sleep anyway so what was the point of interfering with what you were doing ? They dont even have the sense to give you a nice quickie to thank you for the compagny. pffff.
Financially its better to be single because you are in charge of your earnings and spendings, no man to control your shopping and your groceries. Even if you are jobless or on low income, at least you dont have to beg a man for a box of  tampax or a new dress.
Famillywise its much better to be a single mom than being married or in a relationship in most case, because although you will have to deal with financial hardship at least you wont have to worry about your man beating or abusing the kids in anyway. It is much safer to live without a man for many reasons. When you are by yourself no one can hurt you.
Last but not least. Pleasurewise its much better to be single because... when you are part of a couple, desire will wear off within a year or two and you will have more of a brotherly connection, you will no longer be lovers, not unless you work hard at keeping your passion alive, it can be done but it takes work.
Single women have not only a lot more sex than married ones but we have better quality of sex too. One night stands are the best because men give it all they have regardless of consequences and that's great, no explanations are due on the next morning, no boring endless talk about feelings, no lies either. One night stands are our little perks ! You get laid, have great fun and go home satisfied with a smile on your face and a song in your heart. Not something that happens  a lot within a relationship ! Sexfriends or fuckbuddies are an another adventage of singlehood. I think of them as several-months-night-stands. Yummy , steamy sexperiences without consequences or obligations are the single woman's best friends !
Out of all the women I interviewed for my book and all my girlfriends I spoke to, 80% women said they gave up on a lot to be married or involved. No more great sex, no more dating and much less freedom in general.
My friend Michelle even added with a tear in her eyes : being loved and being married is not the same at all. I believe her.
Unless you find the perfect man for you and  yes there are some up there. Unless you find a truly decent man who is strong enough to let you be who you are, like my friend Renee  has, unless you got yourself an exceptional man... its best to remain single.
You will be happier, free and have more money , more options, more pleasure and so much more fun.
Before some start sending me weird mails, I am not against marriage or married people but I do resent smug married women who condescendingly tell unmarried women : Oh dear ! you are still alone ? Dont worry...you will find someone.  Bitch please ! You are so in denial.

Shower fun !

It had been so long since I had sex in the shower that I had forgotten how much fun it could be !
Yesterday afternoon I was swamped in an ocean of paperwork when an old flame rang. He was in Zurich, could we go out for a coffee. Yes, we could but not before two hours and he could pick me up at home. Deal. I put the phone down and went back to my boring calculations for some times till I saw on the desk clock that I only had twenty minutes to go home and get ready for my date. I packed up and rushed home, fed my cat and jumped in the shower. All the same I wasnt ready when Bastien knocked on my door and I just had to open the door, wet with a towel wrapped around me. Bastien's jaw dropped.
We hadnt seeen each other in a while since he is always travelling but I do have a fond memory of our last encounter. I apologised for not being ready yet.
Sorry Bastien, give me ten minutes, Ive just got out of the shower. I smiled.
Bastien's eyes shined up as he put a hand around the back of my neck and purred : You know what ? You are going right back in...with me.
I first thought of the inconvenients, getting my hair wet again, the mess in the bathroom, more towels to wash, but Bastien gave me such a sensuous kiss that I had to grant his request. He took his clothes off while marching me to the bathroom. Oh dear ! there wasnt even any candles lit, nothing romantic had been set up. All this changed when Bastien and I got into the shower and turned the water on, it became so sexy and so erotic than the set up didnt matter anymore.
I had not done this in a long time, it felt like something completely new to me.
Water running all over our bodies, getting into our mouthes, making our caresses slipery, forcing us to take care not to fall. At some point my shower shagbuddy was behind me, kissing my neck, I felt something rock hard trying to slide somewhere not allowed. I turned around gracefully and told him he should know by now that I do not let anything into my backdoor. He laughed, promessing that this  was further from his thoughts but should I be interested to experiment some day he would be happy to..Im not. End of story. We went back to making out slowly and shagged standing up against the shower wall since I wont  risk the  condom getting wet. It was sooooooooooo hot. When all was said and done, Bastien and I sat into the now filled up bath and cuddled till our heart beats went back down to normal. there was water all over the walls and floor of the bathroom, the shower curtain was off the rail and most of my folded dry towels on the shelves were soaked. We made such a mess !
But I was happy, content to have done something new so spontanuously.
When Jake and I were married we often had shower fun, in fact we were always looking for new places to kiss and to make love. The surprise and spontaneity of Bastien desiring to  have sex in the shower reminded me of that. Later on we were dryng each other up in front of a cup of tea, and he made a joke on my cat laying down elegantly and quite long on the couch. How are we gonna manage to even sit confortably when she takes up all this room ? he laughed. Well she is my cat and therefore she can make herself as long as she wants to, on our couch. I answered seriously, giving my sleeping cat a look of love that I had not given Bastien even when he was making me scream with pleasure dancing meringue in my body earlier on.
What is it with women and cats ?  silly question. It was time for Bastien to leave, we didnt get to go for coffee after all but I was very very clean. Much later on as I had my end of the day shower, I couldnt help giggling at my tub and what it had witnessed.

Why should we always change for them ?

Mirjam is a pretty, smart, strongwilled and opinionated woman in a thirties. She has a good computer job and is quite independant. She also has a handicap that has her sitting in a wheelchair since birth and  that has never stoped her from having boyfriends, both valid and not. Mirjam broke off her last long term relationship because her boyfriend  was getting a little too dominant. Since she decided to have a try at being the boss of her own sexlife, she told her new love interest that she would prefer to stick to a physical connection rather than an actual relationship. We are both pretty sure this guy noticed that Mirjam was in a wheelchair after sleeping with her for a few weeks. The day came when he said  he wanted a real relationship with Mirjam and do couple things with her. She reciprocated his feelings therefore accepting to have a real relationship with her lover. He started to get bossy and unpleasant as soon as he was certain of Mirjam's feelings for him. His demands are unreasonable and evil. He has ridiculous expectations  such as the two of them taking walks with Mirjam not using her chair, which means she has to painfully uses special crutches for short distances. Why does make her do this ? Simply because he doesnt find the chair nice looking and he doesnt want to be seen dating a woman in a wheelchair ! Did the chair not bother him all those weeks they were shagging ? He must know she needs her chair to get around and yet he has the cruelty to force her not to, and all for the sake of how it looks ? If the dude doesnt want to date a disabled girl then he shouldnt date one. Or , he should have stayed in the closet like they were at the begining. The point Mirjam was making last night as we discussed this, is we always change who we are in order to suit our men. Why do we do this ? When we like our man we either change to fit the mold or we change as he tells us to. We diet to lose weight,  we dress to please him, we even change our hair dos and our hobbies for him. Must we always change who we are and what we do in order to keep a man ? Aparently we do. Being the boss of my sexlife means I dont have to go trough this nonsense anymore because I dont want to have my own man. That was one of the first benefice I enjoyed in my new philosophy. As to my mate Mirjam, I know her intelligence will kick in and trow the creep away when she reaches breaking point.

The mad Macedonian

Many years ago I had stayed at a hotel in a Lugano for a couple of weeks. The cute macedonian breakfast waiter was always flirting with me. I slightly flirted back but nothing took place  since I was married at the time.
Years later, there he was again, bar tending in another restaurant in a city nearby. I was surprised to see Mehmet ( name changed ) and this time I let things take their course since I was no longer married and therefore free to do  anything and anyone as I pleased. After a couple of months Mehmet and I had a huge argument. The suposedly long divorced wife he had in Macedonia was still relevant and even pregnant. And on her way over with their three children. I was disgusted at the deception and immediately decided to break up.
Why do married men always lie about their status ?
How is one to know who is free and who is not ?
Instead of calling him to say I was leaving because of his treachery, I was dumb  enough to go up to his appartment to actually tell him in person.
Not a good idea. Not a good idea at all.
You would think he'd feel embarassed and apologetic, well you would think wrong. The adulterer was quite arrogant about liyng to his wife, to me and to a couple of others. Yes, the creep was two timing everyone.
During a very heated discussion I called him a liar and a cheat and expressed how sorry I felt for his poor wife.
His reaction ? You will never guess in a million year.
But you are a cheater too,he smiled, you have always cheated on me from day one, Ive been putting up with you sleeping with another man for years he complained !!!!
Scuse me ? for years ? I was dumbfounded, what years ?  Ive only been dating you for a couple of months, how could I do anything to you for years ?
I truly did not understand, I bet you dont either.
Maniac Mehmet had somehow counted the day we met in his old job, years ago, as the first day of our affair !
Are you joking ? I gasped with horror, I was married to Jake back then, I was married and I didnt even know your name. I never  even touched you.
Liar ! Mehmet yelled, we had something going on in our hearts and you were flirting with me, and sleeping with Jake at the same time, you are a whore ! you betrayed me with your husband back then !
Speechless. I was speechless. Not an customary state for me to be in.
I began to understand he must have been a very disturbed man and probably had dillusions about the nice  customer who  innocently smiled at the breakfast table.
Suddenly he grabed my throat and forced me to lay still on his couch. I realised I was in danger when he grabed a bottle of beer, looked at me coldly and quietly said :
shut up bitch, you are not going anywhere anymore.
While he was doing this very threatening act , his phone rang and he started flirting with some girl ! whilst still half choking me !
The nerve of that mad man was astonishing. Accusing me of cheating on him with my own husband at a time when I barely spoke to him, and flirting on the phone in front of me with some unsuspecting other woman.
I was furious with myself , how could I have been so stupid to get into such a dangerous situation ? Mehmet was obviously mentally ill and even if he killed me tonight, his lawyer would get him of the hook because of whatever mental condition caused his vicious  actions. What would my familly think if I got murdered in a grotty appartment from a crazed married macedonian ?
Could it be more embarrassing ?
Suddenly I had a stroke of genius, or of sheer desperation. I whispered to my potential killer :
Baby, pour me a drink and give me a fuck.
Mehmet was so not expecting me to say something like this he released my throat straight away while shaking his head in disbelief,  since when do you drink ?
The couple of seconds  the psycho was flabergasted  were enough for me to jump off his couch, grab my purse and litterally fly down the stairs.
I was almost on the ground floor when he screamed from the window :
Cherie ? Where are you going ?
To get you some cigarettes from the corner shop, I yelled back.
Was he kidding me ? If he really was  crasy , I would play the game too.
I can truly say I have never run that fast in my entire life. He rang repeatedly till I switched my phone off. I ran nearly an hour to get back home. So scared was I ,that I wouldnt even stop running long enough to hail a cab or board a bus.
I got home noiselessly and locked myself in the bathroom to vomit my guts out. What had happened ? I could have been dead because of my own stupidity.
How did I not notice he was insane ? How did I get so lucky tonight ? Did I even deserve this incredible blessing of getting away intact ?
I cried and I puked for a while, then I silently went to my bedroom, grabbed the  photos of Mehmet and I  from my diary and tore them to tiny pieces before flushing them down the toilets. What he tried to do to me was absolutely unforgivable. I chose not to report it to the police since I had no injuries and therefore the police would not have a case against him. But I never forgave the loony.
Mehmet , stalked me for months, I made sure he always saw me in compagny of men. He had called me a whore, I supposed that was what a free woman was in his eyes, I decided to take that as a compliment. Better be called a whore by a psycho, that be his submissive victim. I had long forgotten about him when, years later, I was having a meal alone in a sushi bar, after an argument with my second husband. He spotted me and came to sit at my table. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I recognised him. He looked different. Mehmet started to apologise about attacking me that night, many years ago.
Post traumatic stress due to the war with the serbians and alcoholism had driven him insane and unaccountable. Thats was his excuse for his agressive behaviour, but he didnt drink anymore, he was with alcoholic anonymous and had a stable job. At the time I felt vulnerable from the fight with my husband so I accepted Mehmet's apologies and I left with a hand shake. During the next month I bumped into him a few times. At the money automat in the bank, in front of a shop window I was admiring, at the tea room where I was waiting for Leila. Each time he said hello and asked me out, each time I answered no thank you. When Leila saw him leave the tea room she noticed he had been working out and looked really hot.
He may look hot but he is a very deranged psycho so it is not worth it.
Why did you forgive him then ? Leila wanted to know.
Just cause I forgive it doesnt mean I want to put myself in that trap again. I explained.

One day I was queuing up at the movies when a couple of guys gently tapped me on the shoulder.
Hello ! how are you ? they said quite friendly, 
Is Mehmet here ? This doesnt look like his kind of movie.
His two younger brothers ? How did they remember me ? It had been years.
And why would they wonder if he was at this movie with me ?
I greeted them back and asked what they had been up to. It turned out they had immigrated to Sweden and were here for a visit. Somehow they thought I was still dating their big brother. Why would they think that ? What was going on here ? When I asked how they recognised me after years, they talked about the framed picture of their brother and I in his living room. What ! Not to mention the small photo of us he carried in his wallet to this day ! re what !
In his sick mind Mehmet still thought we were an item. Worse even he had lied to his brothers for years about it. Obessive  much ?
This was even worse than I had feared. I rang the lunatic to confront him with this ridiculous obsession of his, this time I was smart enough to do it on the phone.
He pleaded with me not to tell his brothers the truth, besides  " it was not really a lie since he knew I still harboured strong feelings for him and we belonged together, he was only anticipating things."
Im not repeating the exact words I hurled at him, suffice it to say it involved a lot of F's. The sick obessesive S.O.B. was truly dangerous and I had narrowly escaped it. Again.
I never spoke another word to the psycho even though he phone stalked me for years. Im guessing he finally got it by now.
Frightening how quickly a man can turn into a monster when you want to leave. Think twice before you trust a guy and please please please, if you are leaving a guy, do it in a public place with a quick access to your car or taxi rank.

The power of words

There is a saying in English," sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." Ever heard of it ?
I always knew it was not accurate as words do hurt you according to which words are said, in which tone of voice and by whom.
Words have immense power.
Words can hurt you, delight you, confort you, they can make you cry or want to throw up. Most importantly, words can turn you on like crasy and even make you forget principles and caution.
Whenever an old lover tries to get back into my pants after a bad break up, he always uses strong words that will provoke a reaction.
I dont suppose you will remember me. I made such a big mistake. Can you forgive me ? Lets give ourselves a second chance. Did you put a stone on it ? I havent given up on us, have you ?
Words designed to make me feel guilty, as if  I  were guilty of something. When a man breaks a connection off, he mostly slams the door on his way out. When he wants this connection back, he uses big words that are meant to make you feel it is your fault if he left in the first place, therefore the very least you can do is spread your legs for him as soon as he calls.
Why cant they be honest and just say  : Im not into you anymore but tonight I cant help desiring you because you are after all a really great fuck. Tomorrow however I will want you out of my life untill I decide otherwise.
Of course it would sound a little arrogant but it would be honest and appeal for an honest response without any guilt or pressure.
Carlos, a portuguese alcoholic who had put me trough hell during our liaison, texted me out of the blue, in the midle of the night, Do you hate me yet ?
those words had triggered such a guilty reaction ( guilty of what ?) that I immediately texted him back No I dont actually hate you but....  and it led to another round of trouble I could have done without. Another classic is when the guy makes puppy eyes at you saying :
I dont deserve you, I know Im not good enough for you.
Which of course has any girl kissing the guy to prove him that he is. We all know how this ends, dont we. He leaves later on with his balls emptied and her feelings crushed, again. And again a few months later. And again later.
Just like most of you, I used to fall for this cheap trick too.
As I decided to become the boss of my sex life, this dirty trick no longer had any chances of working on me ever again.
A few evenings ago, I actually was the recipient of the " trick " again but Im pleased to say it failed parlously. Volker, the east german kid who broke up with me three months ago, really wanted another fabulous roll in the haye with me that night. Since I was not answering his many texts favourably, he went for the kill with some pretty strong words.
He texted me : DVD ?
This word alone triggered some sexy memories, our first date starting to watch a dvd and developed into beautiful romantic gentle shaging. Yes I did remember our first night together BUT I also remember our last night too. Had Volker left a door opened, saying that he would like a break before seeing me again, I would have welcomed him with opened arms. His decision to break up was final. Fine, let it be final and dont come back.
As I ignored him, he tried another trick and texted :
Wanna watch a dvd with me tonight ?
Just in case I had not gotten the message the first time. Did he think I was stupid or did he  push in the hope that I would say : Come back, all is forgiven.
Dont you just hate it when men do that ?
As I texted back NEIN. He  answered : Shade, shade, shade. (What a great pity.) Now he wanted to make me feel guilty !
A few years ago I would fallen for it after the first text.  Now, with my maturity and wisdom in all things men... I identified the con in progress and made a delibarate choice not to fuel the issue by not texting back all the reasons why I wanted nothing to do with Volker  anymore. Had I written that I didnt trust him anymore because this and because of that, he would have come up with some lies to justify his "mistake" and the dialogue would have gone on till I would have surrendered. After that, Volker would have had a moment of clarity, declaring this to be another mistake and I would have been humiliated. Instead, Volker was fuming and frustrated while I rejoiced in the fact that his words had no power over me.
Some men will abuse the power of words to make you vulnerable, all you have to do is analyse the situation coldly and refuse to let their empty words get into your head. Think you can do that ?