Are real men sensitive and emotional ?

Some discussions I have had lately with my daughter and with some friends have made me wonder about it.
Are real men actually sensitive, emotional, fully equipped with a brain and a heart ?

In the 80's and the 90's, a man was supposed to be , heartless, selfish,  totally insensitive (except for football), tougher  than us, more academically educated than us, less smart than us, chain smoking, not involved in the raising of his children and absolutely clueless about female orgasm, giving equally bad sex to his wife and mistresses while demanding absolute obedience and fidelity from said poor wife and mistresses.
I am afraid many countries are still stagnating into this nonsense.

However, we in the free world have evolved beautifully, most men are careful about their diet, quit smoking and actually exercise because they do want to keep looking sexy for their woman and not impose on them.
More and more young men are immersed in the raising of their little ones and carry on looking after them even after a divorce. I see many men push pram around, shop for groceries and have parent teacher meetings.
Some even love being stay at home dads while mom is away working hard. And some dont even mind their women being better qualified and better paid !

By the time I was a mother and working fulltime, I would put in a 9 hours day work and come home to my husband who had done exactly the same and now wanted to be served a good home cooked meal in a spotless apartment, I actually had to work twice ! My husband and I use to clash constantly about his cro magnon attitude and even then I resented the lack of sharing the chores.
Now, most couple have worked it out brilliantly, I was invited to a friend's house for Thanksgiving and most of the delicious food had been cooked by her husband.. My daughter has many talents but she cannot cook to save her life, at the start of each new relationship she always warns her boyfriends who always answer that its ok because they can cook quite well.

So, they cook, they look after the kids, they do their share of housework.... what else do they do ? They look nice for us. New men take care of themselves, hygiene and grooming are no longer considered  unmanly.
And they even are better lovers....they read books and magazine  articles about it, they no longer just hump and turn around to snore loudly, they want us to scream their names and come all over the place and say they are the very best we ever had. 

Ever tried to watch a comedy or a sentimental movie with a guy ? First they will complain endlessly about that sissy stuff but soon they will be into the plot so much that they will groan if you put the movie on stand still just to see their reaction. They might not shed a tear but they will smile tenderly when Bridget Jones finally get to kiss Colin Firth in the snow. Awwww
In front of other men they will act as Cro magnon as can be , but once alone with you they will reverse to being loving big teddy bears.

Whilst we have had to toughen up and harden ourselves a little in order to combat them with their weapons, a lot of men have gotten in touch with their heart and are no longer afraid to talk, to open up, even to show their vulnerability to the one woman they do trust.
Is it that they dont want to be like their fathers were or is that they were raised by strong women ( like my son has been raised)?
Who cares ? what really matters is....more men are leveling out nicely with women and it can work beautifully.


Of course not all of today's men are like this, my point is : a real man is like this.

So if your man, treats you badly, pushes you around and trashes your feelings, if he fucks you selfishly but never makes love to you, never gives you an orgasm. If he cheats on you, lies  to you, never does anything around the house, always has his mates around but never lets you invite yours.
If he is brutal, ignorant, macho and dominant, then you know you do not have a real man....you have an idiot neanderthalian who imagines that real men actually behaves like apes.
Check my ebook

My german shagbuddy broke up with me ! WTF ?

Martin and I have been enjoying meeting secretly for evenings of fabulous romantic dreamlike love making for 2  months and a half now. I texted him yesterday about something casual and he came running saying I am quite transparent, he knew that if I text him it means I must need him.
Need him ? Does'nt he mean want to shag him ?
Last night he was acting a little differently, he hadnt shaved and he jumped me straight  away, so not like him.
However we were soon rolling over on my bed, kissing passionately ( ahhh the way he kisses !!!!) the magic was on again, he was cupping my head with his left  hand, had his right arm around my waist , he was gazing into my eyes, whispering how beautiful this was....so schöne....It was perfect !
And I allowed myself to think this was exactly what I wanted, it cant get any better. And this magical kissing again.......the thought of it.
At some point I gave him a fabulous blow job but when he got back on top SPLASH !!!! he came too soon and I had it all over my thorax , some landed on the right side of my face ! Yuck !
He smiled  that funny crooked smile of his...oops sorry ! I wiped that mess and saw his manhood go limp again. Sigh ...
He held me close to his heart, held me so tight for so long I should have known  some serious back stubbing was going to happen.
He was caressing my back slowly, he was playing with my hair, he was kissing my neck, he was whispering sweet nothings in my ears, everything was as it should be....I was in no way prepared for what was coming.
He started to get dressed and I was teasing him with little kisses on his neck and I even got him to lay  down on my bed again. My cat came up to say hello and Martin started to pet her.
Suddenly he said : I cant do this anymore.
I misunderstood and thought  I wasnt not getting laid anymore tonight because he cant get it up again.
Then he said something that set my inner alarm  off :
-I dont want to hurt you.
Generally when people say that it means they are going to  try to hurt you.
It went like this :
M- we cant go on like this
C- what do u mean liebling ?
M- This is too much, its not a one night stand anymore.
C-So its a several night stand, I believe the word you are looking for is shag buddies, we are shag buddies thats all, you are thinking way too much .
M-We kiss so much and so deeply, we make love so closely, you cant get enough of me and its confusing me, in here ( pointing to his heart)
C-I cant get enough of your body when it is inside mine , yeah but this is purely sexual. When I have sex I really get into the moment , just like when I eat chocolate I close my eyes and really enjoy that moment, its about savouring thats all, nobody is going to fall in love here, stop worrying about nothing.
M-Thats the point, when we make love its so incredibly good and we get so intimate and so close, dont you think its a little weird doing something so profound outside a loving bond ?
M- come on Martin we are having  fun, I got great times to give you, without any complications or strings attached, what more could you want ?
M-I dont want to have just fun I want to be loved, I want a woman for life.
C-Did we not agree on no relationship from day 1 ? U want one now ????
M-No I dont want a relationship. I want a soul mate.
C-A what ? All I have to give you is fabulous sex, tons of it.
M- I know, but  I just want to have that kind of sex with the woman who will be my soul mate.
C- you wanna deprive yourself of great sex for someone you dont even know?
M-No I am gonna have sex with lots of others till I find her but not the kind of sex we have, I just think such deep intimate love making should only take place between 2 people who love each other thats all. I want sex but not like this, its too good, its too much.
C-I have known the kind of love you are dreaming of, and its beautiful beyond description, however the price of it is extremely high, and when this love gets yanked  out of your heart as it always does , one way or another, the pain is excruciating, thats why I decided to quit love, it hurts too much. 
M-look that thing we have is no longer just fucking, we have reached a point where we either develop a relationship or we break up. I decided that we need to break up because its going too far. The next time I feel this, I want it to mean something, not fun, not casual dating.
C-......................
M-say something.
C-.....................
M-its ok if you want to cry.
C-......................
M-Promess me that you are not gonna cry.
C-Dude, why should I cry, it is you who is making a Greek tragedy, not me. I think its pretty silly to lose all this for an illusion, you could have been my shagbuddy for years without any official involvment till you found somebody. Too bad.
M-Look Im so confused, maybe we should have a break so that I can work out what I want, or maybe we should just breakup. but I cant carry on like this.
you need to chuck me out and get mad at me.
C-Nah its ok, Im just not gonna call you anymore till you make a move.

He told my cat he was going to  miss her, the silly bitch broke up with my cat too!
I remained ladylike and kissed him goodbye as I opened the door.

Goodness me ! have you ever heard of anything that ridiculous ?
Stupid German boy missing out of lots of hot sex for no real reason, settling for ordinary sex so that it doesnt get too much for him. pffffff
However I wasnt gonna give him the power to have me waiting , Hell no !
I texted him later and wrote : it was beautiful between us but you are right, we must stop now.

There !  that will show the bitch how to work out what he wants.

This has happened to me before, countless times and it still annoys me. Most of my shaggbuddies always give me an ultimatum, relationship or break up.
I cant believe I got dumped without having a relationship to be chucked out of.

I still maintain this is extremely stupid, my friend MN, a man whose opinion I value ,says that a lot of men are more sensitive than we think. My son to whom I said it happened to a friend ,( without the gory details,) said he has many friends who say this to girls just to watch them plead and sometimes its because they want to force a relationship on the girl.
What says you ?
I am still too fuming to think clearly.
Check my ebook here

Confort sex

An old friend ( well a shag buddie of mine ) that I hadnt seen in a couple of months while he was visiting his familly in Nigeria, returned to my city this week. I was quite pleased to see him and we decided to meet for coffee today. He was telling me all about his holls but I could see something was wrong , there was sadness in his eyes, I insisted he tells me whats wrong.
He was aproached in a club by a white lady to have sex, he turned her down as he was not attracted to her. She then offered him money ! He still turned her down because he is not a whore. Then her husband offered  him more money if he could watch ! He was upset that this rich white couple was not only insulting his character, they were not listening as well !
How obtuse can some people be ? Just because they are bored and have money it doesnt mean they can force working class people to degrade themselves at will ?
Had Mike  been a professional hustler , this couple probably wouldnt have looked at him, they just wanted the evil cheap thril of hurting someone's feelings or breaking down his spirit.
And it is not the first time this has been pushed on Mike but this time was the last straw ! I do find Mike  very hot but I still would have done what I did if he had been plain.
What did I do ?
I cupped his face in my hands......kissed his face, kissed his lips, till he began kissing back. Soon we were making out on my couch  and I made gentle love to him till he relaxed and felt good about himself again.
It wasnt the best shag ever for me but that wasnt the point. Mike was hurting, he needed to be comforted and I comforted him big time.
It wasnt about me today, it was about putting a smile back on a shagbuddie's face.
Mission accomplished !
You see ? I can be generous too when the occasion calls for it.


Later I asked Mike if he would have prostituted himself, had he liked the woman......and he said no.
Why not ?
Because he has heard of too many African young men who sold themselves like this and once you start you cannot stop, this to Jerome, is pretty terrifying.


So the best way to not be swallowed up by evil is to stay well away from it.

The most heinous question a man can ask

There is a really ridiculous and rude question some men ask women, it has always driven me bonkers. This is such an intrusion in my private life !!!!
Women never ever ask that most heinous question to men.
Women might ask : How often have you been in love before ?
Men stupidly ask : How many men have you slept with before me ?

Of all the idiotic questions to ask ?
How dare they ? Who cares ?
They dont ask how many men we have loved, No, they want to know how many penises  have been there before theirs.
Why ?
For crying outloud why ?

Never ever answer this intrusive question because you will never win.
If you havent had many lovers, your man will think nobody wanted you before he did.
If you have had many lovers, he  will call you a whore, yes he will.
There is no winning this.
No matter what you do, dont tell him ! or the one after that or the ones after that !
A famous german ladies mags run a story on this and advised readers to lie and make up a number according to how old they are so that it sounds plausible but keeping the number down anyway. So now we have to lie about the amount of pleasure we were lucky to have in our lives so far ?
Sounds a little hypocritical to me.
If a man is happy to enjoy sex with someone sexually competant who gives him mind blowing orgasms then we can suppose he must have figured out that she didnt learn this overnight from a couple of quickies, right ?
So , gentlemen, if you are happy with what you are beeing freely given, just enjoy and do not try to analyse.
I have always refused to answer that ridiculous 3td degree.
I remember Carlos who was an alcoholic and a cheater asking me this repeatedly till I bursted : Hey ! You think I could get that good in bed by doing only one man ?
To Dylan, a sweet one night stand, I just distracted him with kisses.
To Vaclav, a cute slovaquian movie husher, I answered he didnt know me enough to ask perssonal questions of this nature.
To Tony, a sexy confidant spaniard, I answered, probably as much as you have had, that got him laughing wholeheartedly.
To most others I just reply  : I didnt ask you how many you have been with, so leave me alone. And if they try to talk about how many girls they scored,  I just refuse to listen, you know they will lie about it anyway so that would be  a pretty pointless exercise.
I just argue that this is none of my business, it happened before you met me, therefore it is ancient history. ( unless they got infected with some crap from their exes. )
I do have two exceptions however, it is apropriate to answer this question to your very first man, and specially if it is the man you have chosen to be your husband. I was so very proud to tell Jake, my then fiancé that I was a virgin and he was extremely surprised but happy.
So unless this is the man you are gonna marry, any other sex toys, oops I mean any other men you play with, is not entitled to ask the heinous question. Ever.
To almost everyone else I will smile and whisper sweetly: its really none of your business, just enjoy the ride will you ?
 Ladies please, dont answer that, men dont want to know you can actually compare them to many others, and they dont want someone no one wanted. Unless they are religious men and want a virgin but thats an entirely different debate.
In the mean time :
Men : do not ask !
Ladies : do not answer !


                       

The hypocrisy of open relationships

When i was married or even in a serious relationship, I considered fidelity came with the territory of officially belonging with the man I loved.


Since I decided to remain single and claim my sexual freedom and my fun , I have simply refused to be involved in a relationship again.
Besides, a man would be quite unhappy with me now, Im still a kind, loving, nurturing woman but I just cant go trough the servitude of relationships or marriage again, constantly making compromises, pretending to seek his aproval, yuck !


Hence my  behaviour, Im not anyone's woman therefore Im not cheating on anyone, no man gets hurt because of my bed hopping.


My conscience is therefore in peace.


However i know at least 4 long term couples, one of them gay, 2 of them married, who practice open relationships.
People say an open relationship is an excuse to cheat without consequences.
I guess anything goes between 2 consenting adults, but are they really all consenting to their man/woman getting bouncy with others ?
How much of this is based on fear and intimidation I wonder ?
Of course it is much more honnest to have an open relationship that to lie, deceive and cheat on your partner, but does the  non cheating partner really really not  mind at all ?
I was once asked by this mate of mine if I would please have sex with her husband so as to rekindle his failing interest in physical pleasure, WTF ?
Her master plan was we would have sex and she would join us later in bed to take over. I politely declined after pointing out all the flaws in her plan.
This really beautiful bisexual married librarian once asked me to sleep with her while her husband would watch,  its ok, he doesnt mind,  Oh but I do bloody mind !
2 of my shag buddies have asked me to 3some and went quiet when I glared silently at them.
I understand  men asking their wives for a 3some as a birthday present, i do, altough I wouldnt give that to no men of mine, but to just go out and say you are gonna shag that new girl from the office but it wont mean a thing ? Duh !
It is not cheating if we both agree,  come on guys, are you serious ?

I once read this article in a famous ladies mags about a woman who had agreed to an open relationship in order not to lose her husband. It was pathetic, she had a whole list of do's and donts that he swore he would stick to.
Unrealistic  rules like :
He cant know their names, cant exchange phone numbers and emails,cant give them head,  cant french kiss them , cant gaze into their eyes and so on, whats next ? he is not allowed to come ?
Bitch please !

Can you just visualise such a scene :
2 people having sex, sweating, moaning, coming all over the place, having a good time and remembering the whole time not to kiss and not to lock onto  each other's eyes , not to get too carried away ?
"oh wait Ive just kissed you passionately !I shouldnt have done that, I feel ever so guilty !" he'd say or : "oops ! I'd ask your name to shout it while I come but Im not "allowed"
to which she'd answer " its perfectly understandable, I really dont want to disrespect your wife" or " would you mind not twirling your tongue there ? my husband did insist that I only do this with him"


Sex is the only time when we are really free, totally attuned to ourselves, to nature, to life. The very time when we have no restrictions. So to temper with that , seems plain wrong to me.


I used to quite like my shag buddy  Djamel, but  he wanted a real relationship with me, at some point I actually had the weakness to offer him an open relationship, he had never heard of that, I explained what it was  and he was so horrified I wonder what had possessed me to offer it in the first place. So I broke up instead.
There you go, lesson learned.

When I was a teenager I read "les liaisons dangereuses" and I used to think it would be cool to have a boyfriend like Valmont I could really be naughty with, share sexperiences and compare notes with.
When I did meet such a man, I realised it wasnt cool at all, at least not for me.
There you go, lesson learned , again !


What is it with guys and open relationships, porn, 3somes  and all that crap ?

Im not saying this is wrong , im saying it is not for me and it certainly should not be forced on women.
If you have no desire left for each other, settle down for a loving friendship instead, like my  ex husbands and I have, this is a really wonderful connection that cannot be messed up.
What says you gentlemen ?

Great sex without love

To all the ladies of all ages, credos, race and social conditions, for crying outloud : STOP PLAYING VICTIMS !
YOU CAN HAVE THE JOY OF SEX WITHOUT THE PAINS OF LOVE !!!!

Are you paying attention ?
Ok, here goes :

Sexual attraction is purely physiological, your body is getting aroused by another body.
Your whole beeing is sending signals and so is his (or hers as the case may be )
-It can be someone you have just met and suddenly as you shake his hand you find you like the feel of his skin, his temperature, his firm muscles, you look into his eyes and you really like what you see.
-You are in a crowded room and suddenly you look across and see someone that you cant take your eyes off, he comes over to say hello and your mouth goes dry, you almost mumble and your heart is racing.
-You have known this person for a while and are comfortable with him, then something is said or something happens that make you look at him in a different way and you wonder what he would look like on top of you with his hair messed and his eyes drowned in  pleasure.

You got the picture now ? Physical attraction is mainly physical, you dont need to be in love or pretend to be in love or tell everyone about it. You dont need to make plans or play hard to get or worry about what he will think of you. He certainly does not.

So somehow you have managed to be in bed/in a car/the club's bathroom/against a door/on the carpet/on your desk.... whatever !
The point is now you are getting sexual with each other, the secret is :

Live the moment to the full ! enjoy this extraordinary gift life is giving you. A moment or a night of sexual pleasure with someone cool who wants to share it with you at that very moment.
Just give yourself as much as you want to give and whatever you want to give as far as it is acceptable to you, in my case I dont do anal sex and I dont sado maso brutal stuff but everything else goes ! So give your body as much as you like at that very moment and take as much from your lover's body too.
Give yourself permision to let go.
Enjoy enjoy enjoy !
Making love is give and take and share and lets go round again, yoohoohoo !

Please do not do any serious thinking during sex, this is the only thing that you get to do for yourself only, no one can take it back, this moment belongs to you, and to the man sharing it with you. Please put your brain on hold once the condoms are on and the feel good hormons start flowing.

When I was young, stupid and vulnerable, I use to intellectualise my sexual relationships way too much, my boyfriend/lover/husband would be shagging my body and my brain would wonder why he had said this and that before and prepare what i was gonna tell him afterwards. I use to wonder if he truely loved me or  would he still respect me in the morning or was he comparing me to the girl he dated before me, or how or why or how or why.....
The result was, I didnt really come and he would aways be on my mind even when he wasnt there, trying to thing back to the shag and make some sense of it.
How frustrating !
Many women make the same mistake because of the hypocritical sacralisation of sex, designed only to take our power away.

Just enjoy the guy when he is inside you and dont think about him until he is back in your arms, thats all.

In my mid thirties , I got my heart broken for the third time and had a year off sex. Yes, yours truely took a break from sex for a whole year.
Actually my intention had been to never have sex again after my husband. I was in shock and behaved like an old spinster.

One night in Interlaken, I was having dinner with my girlfriend Leila who lamented that I had chucked  love out of my life for a man who had already rebuilt his, a really cute irish waiter called Collin ( name changed )was serving our food with a lovely smile, big green eyes and pouty lips. When my friend Leila's words kicked in, 
I thought :
 love is a bitch, im still suffering and he has another woman ! this would not have happened if I had been cold and bitchy and manly.

So I looked at Collin and said : Hey Collin, I havent had sex since my husband and I broke up a year ago, do u wanna get together after work and shag ? no strings attached , I just want to feel the joy of sex again, whaddya say ?
Poor Collin almost droped his tray and giggles : Im your man ! meet me back here at 11.30 pm and Ill show you the stars.
I said , fine, its a date, and ordered some creme brulées for dessert.
Apetite for good food was returning to me too !
How can I describe my friend leila's face.....red, white, red again. She was utterly shocked :
-You are not really gonna do this are you ?
-Yes I am, didnt you say I was turning into a spinster ?
-What do you know about that irish kid ? and how will you feel afterwards and
 im not letting you do this ! Are you mad ?
-I know what i need to know about that kid, he is sexy, he is willing and im getting laid tonight after a long dry spell. I dont want to give it any thinking, im not mad im just tired of living in the memory of my past love, and im not asking your permission.


As I paid the bill, Collin asked me if I really meant that, I answered i never would have said it otherwise.
I came back at the said time, with Leila on tow, still trying to talk me out of it.
Collin arrived and we left.
Back at his place he was a little nervous, much more than I was and it was MY first experience of loveless sex. He started asking me my name and if i had brothers or sisters , where I came from. I just undressed and commented about the football world cup which Italy had won that very day.
And it happened, we had really really good sex ! For me it was a way to admit to myself that my marriage was truely over. But soon it became much more than that, I had so much fun in Collins arms, I had forgotten what it felt like to be kissed , to be held, to have hands playing in my then long hair, to feel a muscular body swinging hips against me, it was magnificient and it went on all night. Italians would hoot their horns contantly, pleased that they were to have won the world cup but it didnt matter to us. As some point Collin whispered "fucking italians !" and I giggled " a propos fucking ..... ?" it was brilliant! I could laugh again, I could make jokes.
Take the drama out of making love and it becomes so alive ! Thats how I felt that night in my irish waiter's arms, alive, sexy, born again me !

next morning at 7am I met Leila for breakfast and told her all about it. She couldnt have been more horrified, she said I should feel empty, how could someone have sex without any meaning or emotion tied to it, I might as well have used a vibrator on myself in her opinion.
I reply cooly that this was the new me and she should be happy for me, when was the last time she had seen me smile like this ? she didnt remember,  right.

I dont like solitary pleasures so as long as I  can get laid I will  get laid, and fuck emotions ,fuck love, fuck meaning  and all this hypocrisies that slow us down and makes us vulnerable, The joy of sex witout the pains of love was gonna liberate me ¨

And liberate me it has indeed ! I never looked back since, I did of course have a couple of near relapses  but it got under control soon enough and it comfirmed my position.

So dear ladies, this is how its done, and man does it feel good !
Check my ebook here

raw sex vs romantic sex

2 days ago I hit the sheet with  Igor again, he is all about raw sex. He rips his clothes off trows me on the couch , kisses me hard and gets down and dirty.
I love it !!!!

BUT yesterday I felt like seeing Martin and he came running, I hadnt seen Martin in a while so that felt like something new, I actually had butterflies in my stomach waiting for him, I treated myself to a long bubble bath and a facial and enjoyed the butterfly thing. When he rang the door I  checked myself in the mirror and saw that I still had bits of facial cream on my neck ! yuck ! luckily I live on the third floor so by the time Martin knocked on my door the misshap had been wiped cleaned.

Martin is the opposite of  Igor, first he greets my cat properly and then, we will kiss and make out for ages, with our clothes on.
It feels like when you are teenagers and you wont go all the way with your boyfriend because you want to reach your wedding night as a virgin, so you put all your sensuality in your kissing.
Oh what a great kisser !  He really takes his time to kiss my lips, to cup my face, to touch my neck , to caress my legs, his kisses are not foreplay kiss or even sex kiss, his kisses are orgasmic ! His kisses are full of love.
I love it too !
Last night was all about me, he managed to get some wood and wow !
but even then, it wasnt  Igor's crazy pounding, it was tender and gentle and soft and warm and romantic.
He kept gazing into my eyes and moaning so sexily.
it was mind blowing !
I love men who voice their pleasure.
Igor screams  we he makes love .....Martin moans softly.
It was so magical I wanted to at least give him a nice blow job to show my appreciation but he wouldnt let me make love to him ! He was making love to me and feeling such pleasure from it.
Even when I sneakily managed to get on top of him and plant a few kisses on his tummy, he pulled me back up for a deep kiss and bang I was underneath his body again !
That is the first time in history a man does this with me. What an incredible treat ! Im not saying I'd want this all the time but last night... I felt like a queen, being pampered like that.
At some point he was resting on me, I laid there feeling how nice this was, that long skinny pale body ( yes another giant ) on top of mine, his heart beat thumping hard on my chest, his head nestling on my shoulder, his hands still holding mine.
Yum what a magical moment.

I love those moments when you are both exhausted but happy, empty but energised, looking at each other smiling without talking, thinking at the same time : wow that was beautiful !  feeling grateful for what you just gave and received.

Martin  looked at me, kissed me some more and off we went again on a magic carpet of creative body exploring.
After 2 hours of this beauty, he was fighting against the temptation of sleeping in my arms some more and jumped in the shower.
After he said goodnight to my cat, I was kissing him good night too, saying that it had been absolutely fantastic, he stared at me seriously and whispered in that funny eastern German tone " weiss du, mit kussen kan man sich verlieben".......
that means : " you know, one can fall in love kissing "
I giggled that falling in love in more complex than that, its not physical and besides he is perfectly safe with me.
It would never occur to  Igor to say such a thing, to even think it.
I looked in the mirror while brushing my teeth and notice my  eyes were sparkling like diamond ! my eyes were as shiny as my cats eyes, also something that never happens with  Igor.

I cant decide what is best :  the passionate crazy raw toe curling sex with Igor who is the perfect shag buddy in every way.
OR
The romantic gentle warm touchy kissy expertise of  Martin who turns making love into a fairy tale dream but always says something dumb afterwards.

which one are you and which one do you prefer ?

Check my ebook here

I cant sleep with someone I like

Lately Ive had a comfirmation of something I had suspected for a long time.
I put men that I like into 2 categories : 
the shag material and the friend material.


Classic Christian education has women think that the man in our life has got to be all in one : lover, friend, confidant, co bill payer. The same man should be able to party with us, play tennis or cards, host dinners, get on with your friends, share your taste and opinions, decorate the bathroom and buy groceries with us, be there for us, a shoulder to cry on and of course the source of physical pleasure too.


yeah right !


Many women believe that and it leads to so many dillusions and heartaches.
A friend of mine always says that a husband is a really good girlfriend with a dick.


Why oh why then,  do men receive  opposite teachings ? to a man, most of them anyway, they need one or several women for sex and fun, lovers, mistresses etc... And they want another woman to serve as compagnion to raise chidren, run their household, perhaps help promote their carreer, put their life on hold , the woman who will be their concubine or wife, with whom they will stop having sex and fun after a few years but to whom they will stick to the end.


If they can separate women in 2 categories, so can we.


I have to say this system works brilliantly for me :


The friend material are the men which are smart,opinionated,  funny, charming, warm, kind, articulate, have a sense of humour, and share a few centers of interest with me like books, movies, music, religion  or football.
Those are men I like to befriend, can talk to for hours about anything. Im proud to introduce them to my friends and my familly.
I value their advice and cherish moments with them, they might even be some flirting involved BUT I never ever have sex with them because I like them or even love them too much to risk losing such precious people.


The shag material are the men who are hot, not always very good looking but sexy to me. They are funny, charming, smiling, dance well and ooze sexyness.
I never aproach any serious topic with them as I dont want to know their favourite colour, food or credo.
Of course I do have to know that they are neither animal/women/children abusers nor racist or sadist because that would definitely turn me off.
To my shag material Im only prepared to discuss neutral subjects or sex topics, I never discuss my past, my life, my job or my familly.
It has happened that one would ask me how my children are and i would freeze asking why they want to know, usually that is enough for them to understand.
I never ask them personal questions, besides the normal lover stuff, and when they ask me  perssonal stuff I either elude them or distract them with kisses.
My shag material men are in my life for the sole purpose of sharing pleasure that we give each other, thats all,I dont want to get to know them better , I dont want to have to answer their questions and I dont want to be their friends or their girlfriends. It is quite clear what we are to each other and what we are not.
Everytime that I had a moment of weakness with a shag material it never ended well.


Friend material however are welcome to my real life, any aspects of it, but I cant mess this up with sex. I once made the mistake of sleeping with a friend I liked and our friendship was damaged beyond repair. Lesson learned.


Those 2 categories, friends and lovers, need to be separated in order to survive emotionally and sexually.
It works for me, it might work for you too.

I looove gay men ! yay for gay men !

I just looooove gay men ! they really give a woman a good time without playing mind games or tryng to be dominant.

Not only are they charming, educated, cultivated and articulate, you can really talk to gay men, you can relax with them.

Every woman should have at least one or two gay men as best friends.

 Of course there is the small draw back that I cant actually sleep with any of them but I dont even need to because they make me feel so good and make me laugh sooo hard.

On saturday my daughter and I attended the black party in Zurich, this is the major gay social event in Switzerland happening on the first saturday of november.

Since we have a few friends that are gay we love going to this party with our mates.

This saturday nite was absolutely fabulous and I really needed something wonderfull.

there was hundreds of people, straight and gays, men and women,swiss and foreigners, young and old, caucasians, blacks, asians and latinos, all united, all dressed in black, leather, silk, feathers, jeans, latex and many different make ups, wigs and outrageous staff.

there was several dance floors, very loud thumping music, laser shows, pyrotechniques, lots of flammes throwing, it was perfect !

One of the wonderful things about gay parties is that there is no violence going on at all ! Hundreds of happy excited men of all age, race and credo dancing and cheering, drinking too, and not a single fight broke out ? not even raising of voices ? try to achieve that in a straight party !

We danced till 3.30 am , what a great night ! i returned home to my cat the next afternoon feeling great and I actually slept 7 hours non stop ! quite an achievement for sleepless me.