In my experience not only are bad boys sexier, regardless of their looks, more confidant because they dont care at all if they get you or not, better in bed because this is mostly all they really have in life.
In my opinion it is better to date bad boys rather than good ones because at least you know what to expect.
When a bad boy tries to hurt you, they are usually not very smart about it, you can see them coming from miles and immediatelly defend yourself, therefore doing some dammage control.
They are quite easy to get over with and even easier to replace !
When a good man stabs you in the back......that really hurts.
You had no idea he was gonna strike, you thought he was too good and too serious to hit below the belt. Truth is.....good men are really lethal when they hurt you, they are so much harder to recover from, and you feel so dumb for not having seen the signs.
Thats why I usually stay away from good men.
Each time I date one, Im terrified I wont see it coming and wonder when he is gonna strike. Can I allow myself to relax and feel safe around this really nice normal man ? After he stubs me in the back as they almost inevitably do, who else can I blame but my stupid self for having ignored the alarm signals that were flyng red flags all over ?
Looking back on what was said and done, one could almost pinpoint the first signs of danger, the first lies, the first withdrawals of affections, the first betrayalls. Why did we think it was our imagination ? Because that bitch was such a good man he couldnt possibly be manipulative and cruel.
Newsflash ladies : Goodies are capable of screwing you out far worse than bad boys ever would.
Because goodies have the element of surprise, with bad boys you are always prepared to get lied to, manipulated and hurt in some ways.
So unless you want boyfriend/husband material......enjoy bad boys while looking over your shoulder.
Thursday 30 December 2010
Once you go black.... do you really ?
You know that old saying : Once you go black you can never go back ?
Ive always wondered why people say that.
I happily butterfly on from blacks to whites or latinos without hesitation.
It is not the color of the man that makes the lover, rather his sex appeal.
I am a great lover of black men, it has been my good fortune to befriend and be intimate with many of them and I can truely say they are wonderfull !!
The contrast of the black and white skin alone is quite a turn on, and what about that smooth skin, those hard muscles, the perfect teeth,those sexy low intimate voices ? the friendly smiles ? Not to mention the warmth, loving and sexiness of most black men. Most black lovers not only give fabulous sex on tap but they also love to cook for their women, and talk and giggle. Isnit fantastic ?
Americans, British, French and African black men........yummie yummie yummie all of them, thats all I can say.
By now you might have guessed that I love my black lovers.
However, I dont love them exclusively. Why should I ?
Any man, no matter his colour or nationality or looks has something to offer.
There are numerous qualities in black lovers , like they are generally well endowed and they can shag for a long time without coke or viagra BUT most of them refuse to give oral sex, they think its gross but they love receiving it. They are so cuddly and kissy BUT after a few dates they will want a relationship, wanting you to commit and be faithfull while still dating lots other women thinking its perfectly allright, Africans especially are demanding this way. They are horrified if you cheat on them but conveniently forget their own daliances. This is less of a problem with european black men. White men may not always go on and on for hours BUT most of them love going down on women even on one night stands, white men cringe at the word "relationship" ( convenient for me ) and will only cook for you and pester you if they really are into you. Latinos are all about having fun, dancing, laughing, having sex. They already know it wont get serious and dont pretend otherwise.....ahhhh you gotto love Latinos !
Therefore once you go black of course you can come back and return and come back and come again and go back on white or latino lane before diving into black sea again and return.!
Enjoy the rides and screw preconceived ideas.
Ive always wondered why people say that.
I happily butterfly on from blacks to whites or latinos without hesitation.
It is not the color of the man that makes the lover, rather his sex appeal.
I am a great lover of black men, it has been my good fortune to befriend and be intimate with many of them and I can truely say they are wonderfull !!
The contrast of the black and white skin alone is quite a turn on, and what about that smooth skin, those hard muscles, the perfect teeth,those sexy low intimate voices ? the friendly smiles ? Not to mention the warmth, loving and sexiness of most black men. Most black lovers not only give fabulous sex on tap but they also love to cook for their women, and talk and giggle. Isnit fantastic ?
Americans, British, French and African black men........yummie yummie yummie all of them, thats all I can say.
By now you might have guessed that I love my black lovers.
However, I dont love them exclusively. Why should I ?
Any man, no matter his colour or nationality or looks has something to offer.
There are numerous qualities in black lovers , like they are generally well endowed and they can shag for a long time without coke or viagra BUT most of them refuse to give oral sex, they think its gross but they love receiving it. They are so cuddly and kissy BUT after a few dates they will want a relationship, wanting you to commit and be faithfull while still dating lots other women thinking its perfectly allright, Africans especially are demanding this way. They are horrified if you cheat on them but conveniently forget their own daliances. This is less of a problem with european black men. White men may not always go on and on for hours BUT most of them love going down on women even on one night stands, white men cringe at the word "relationship" ( convenient for me ) and will only cook for you and pester you if they really are into you. Latinos are all about having fun, dancing, laughing, having sex. They already know it wont get serious and dont pretend otherwise.....ahhhh you gotto love Latinos !
Therefore once you go black of course you can come back and return and come back and come again and go back on white or latino lane before diving into black sea again and return.!
Enjoy the rides and screw preconceived ideas.
Thursday 23 December 2010
Merry Christmas everybody ! love and kisses !
Dear readers
I wish you a merry Christmas or a happy Hanooka, rebirth of the new sun or simply a wonderfull couple of days off, whatever your beliefs might be.
Let me take this opportunity to thank you very much for reading my blogg. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Merci, Danke, Ta, Domo Arigato, Grazie,Spaciva, Gracias, Obrigadinha, Hvala liepo, Kussenem, Rumba Nandri.
Those of you who are blessed with a familly, loyal friends or even a loving dog or cat, Im happy for you.
Those of you who are all alone, whatever the reason may be..........know that
there is always someone who will think of you.
Wherever you are at this time of your life, working on an oil rigg, serving a humanitarian mission in some far away land, sitting in a wheel chair, risking your life in a dangerous job, queuing up for a warm soup at "les restos du coeur" or crying yourself to sleep over your ugly divorce, licking your wounds after another broken heart, maybe you are on a hospital bed on pain medications or perhaps you are depressed watching the world go on without you.
It will get better, maybe not right this instant, but it will get better, life never stagnates and things do improve, life will be worth living again someday.
So dont be too sad or scared, do not intoxicate your body with drinks and drugs ( these only make matters worse).
Remember you are unique and you have value, no matter what anyone might say. So chin up and relax, lets make 2011 as enjoyable as we each can.
As to me, I have chosen to turn down 3 booty calls this week because at Christmas Im in familly mode. shopping for presents, writing cards, stoking on lots of groceries so that I can hybernate a little and perusing over new recipes so that I can cook a feast for my familly although I always end up cooking a good old fashioned turkey dinner !
Im also in business mode , checking bills, doing accounts and planning january business already.
So not in the sex queen mood during the hollidays but thats ok because there is a time for everything.
I will go back hunting next year, I mean next month, since good sex burns calories faster than swimming or jogging ever could. There's a brilliant excuse to pig out and have lots of great calories burning sex if I ever heard one ! lol
I wish you a merry Christmas or a happy Hanooka, rebirth of the new sun or simply a wonderfull couple of days off, whatever your beliefs might be.
Let me take this opportunity to thank you very much for reading my blogg. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Merci, Danke, Ta, Domo Arigato, Grazie,Spaciva, Gracias, Obrigadinha, Hvala liepo, Kussenem, Rumba Nandri.
Those of you who are blessed with a familly, loyal friends or even a loving dog or cat, Im happy for you.
Those of you who are all alone, whatever the reason may be..........know that
there is always someone who will think of you.
Wherever you are at this time of your life, working on an oil rigg, serving a humanitarian mission in some far away land, sitting in a wheel chair, risking your life in a dangerous job, queuing up for a warm soup at "les restos du coeur" or crying yourself to sleep over your ugly divorce, licking your wounds after another broken heart, maybe you are on a hospital bed on pain medications or perhaps you are depressed watching the world go on without you.
It will get better, maybe not right this instant, but it will get better, life never stagnates and things do improve, life will be worth living again someday.
So dont be too sad or scared, do not intoxicate your body with drinks and drugs ( these only make matters worse).
Remember you are unique and you have value, no matter what anyone might say. So chin up and relax, lets make 2011 as enjoyable as we each can.
As to me, I have chosen to turn down 3 booty calls this week because at Christmas Im in familly mode. shopping for presents, writing cards, stoking on lots of groceries so that I can hybernate a little and perusing over new recipes so that I can cook a feast for my familly although I always end up cooking a good old fashioned turkey dinner !
Im also in business mode , checking bills, doing accounts and planning january business already.
So not in the sex queen mood during the hollidays but thats ok because there is a time for everything.
I will go back hunting next year, I mean next month, since good sex burns calories faster than swimming or jogging ever could. There's a brilliant excuse to pig out and have lots of great calories burning sex if I ever heard one ! lol
Tuesday 21 December 2010
Monday 20 December 2010
Positions......my favourite
My favourite postion is the time honoured missionary, Im on my back and he is on top of me, this is great because we can look at each other, we can kiss and we can touch while making love. I just love it.I also like it on the side and I go wild when we do the rocking boat thing.
But my number one is him on top of me.
Because of watching too many porn movies and not shagging enough real people, a lot of men imagine that sex is about fitting in as many acrobatic and uncomfortable positions as fast as possible within 10 minutes, silly I know.
Im not saying we gotto do only the position I like and never experiment any other, im saying this is not a competition.
Sex is give and take, not a porn show.
I really dont like the doggy position, I hardly feel a thing, most men take advantage of this to slap my bum and I cant even see my lover's face or touch him. Of course when a lover is really nice to me and has been doing my favourite positions for a while before he asks me to turn around, then Ill be happy to oblige, considering he deserves it and I will give him his doggy style.
If he really is good , sensual, cuddly, creative, if he drives me wild with desire, if he is the kind of man that has me scream his name and want more and more of it , Specially if he whispers cheekily .....Gira ti, turn around, retourne toi.....da la vuelta mi amor.
Ladies, if your new man just grabs your head and pulls it to his dick demanding a blow job right after a kiss without even turning you on first then you know you are on to a a selfish and uncompetent time waster. Worse even if he shags you for 5 minutes and turns you around for doggy position then you definitely got a loser there and you might as well drop the idiot there and then.
Because a guy who treats you like that on a first date will never make love to you , he will just take and take without even the courtesy of giving you an orgasm or two.
The whole point of having sex is indeed to come, right ?
I remember Justin, a hot black londoner who had shagged me almost an hour before he nearly pleaded for me to give him his doggy fashion.... and I did because I came a couple of times already and thought I might as well reward him. Why do men love that position so much anyway ?
It looks like something one could do with a german shepard.
I remember Mehmet a really cute guy to whom I patiently explained why he musnt jump on me, why he should take his time with sex and never ever treat me like a rug doll changing positions so often I couldnt even come ! Twice.
I explained it to him twice, and yet he didnt get it, although he promissed not to do that again.
Because he was really hot I gave him 3 chances and the third time he had my legs around my neck then around his neck then up in the air then when put me on my knees.... I just walked out.
Was the dude not listening at all or did he just not care ?
I jumped out of his bed and asked if he had gone to stupid school or if it came to him naturally ?
C-I told you I hate it when u do acrobatics with my body ! I dont even have time to come ! what is wrong with you ?
M- But I like to change positions often .....
C- Then I suggest you change woman.
M- Whaddaya mean change woman ? I ve never had a complaint before.
C- Yeah, I bet you never kept a lover more than 5 minutes either.
M- Bitch who do you think you are ?
C- Im a woman and I deserves lovers who will give me real sex, not fake porn like im a rug doll or something !
As we were yelling at each other, I discretly got dressed and run out of the door. I actually run, in high heels, to the nearest taxi rank.
I would have avoided this embarrassment if I had listened to my instinct and dropped the S.O.B. after the first encounter. So ladies dont do what I did, if he treats your body like a sex toy and does not concern himself with your pleasure..... Dont call him back and dont take his calls ever again.
Go find yourself a real man who wants to make love and see the woman in his arms twist and turn and shake with an earth shattering orgasms.
Wednesday 15 December 2010
Hurray for quickies !!!!!!!
This morning at 8am as I did my laundry whilst reading a book, checking my emails and planning my day, I was feeling a little under the weather.
Im upset about a couple of things , besides I havent had sex in 3 weeks, I feel ratty , im starting to have withdrawal symptoms.
I have a dental appointment ( not my favourite activity ! ) and im behind in my paperwork, not to mention i havent even reserved my usual bio turkey for Xmas.
Out of the blue, Igor rang at 8.05 am.
I- Good morning schatzie.
C-hmm hey you.
I- I was just thinking about you after driving my son to school and it is such a beautifull snowy day, I was wondering if you...
C-Sorry Igor Im not really in the mood today, I dont feel sexy, Im gonna go to the dentist this afternoon, I have a ton of paperwork to do, books to read, stuff to file, my back is a little achy and I havent even had my morning chocolate yet ! so , thank you for thinking of me but no thank you.
I-Hey ? want a quickie ?
C-what ?
I- got this massive hard on with your name on it, you fancie a quickie ?
C-Now you re talking ! come on up honey, I feel better already.
hahahahahaha dont I always say Igor is the perfect shagbuddie in everyway ?
No nensense, no lying or pretending, straight to the point.
no time wasting nor teasing. I dont know about you but I just love morning sex.
I havent had a quickie in such a long time I forgot how funtastic they feel.
He comes in, unshaved , no tie on, shallow breath and shiny eyes, looks at
me with his mouth slightly open, pushes me against the wall to start undressing me feverishly whilst kissing me hard.
Igor's desire is out of control.
In such cases you either fall on the floor with your clothes around your ankles or if you are lucky you might actually drop on the couch or the bed whichever comes first.
But Igor is already inside me before Im totally naked and we are still standing against my front door !
So glad I had a condom in my shirt pocket when I opened the door.
My naked thighs really enjoy the feel of his blue jeans, the zip of his black leather jacket is rubbing sensously against my almost naked breasts.
This leather smell is driving me crasy and I dont even mind the roughness of the wall digging in my back.
My fingers are running frantically trough his dark blond curls and I cant stop feeling small waves of fire washing over me.
He is practically dancing in my body as deeply as his tongue is doing tango with mine, yum.
Since Im much smaller than Igor is, he has lifted me a little and is cupping my buttocks to secure me in that position, and what a position it is !!!!
Its not romantic at all but it is extremely hot, viril, manly, almost primal.
I feel so alive and sexy as Igor stares at me with half closed eyes and whispers :
....I love your ass...I love your small mushi that holds my dick so tight.....
I could kiss your tits all day.....hmmm I love your mouth.....i love what you do with it.......I love your eyes......I love to watch you come....come for me......
come with me...... come with me.......
We rock into each other slowly, ever so slowly, until we explode.................
Later we are sitting on the floor, wordlessly , exhausted but happy !
My head is resting on his shoulder while his arms and legs are wrapped around me.
Igor didnt even shower ,said he wants to keep my taste all day during business meetings and remember this morning.
Wow ! how is that for a sexy statement ?
One more kiss and Gregor goes back to his day, I feel so energized by this fabulous quickie that Im ready to take on the world ! roll on laundries, books, tax forms, gift wrappings and time tables ! Im ready for you now !
But .....not before I have a long long hot shower.
A quickie with Igor seems like the purrfect way to start the day !
naughty, I know but hey Im single therefore I am the boss of ..............
....what ?
Exactly !
Im upset about a couple of things , besides I havent had sex in 3 weeks, I feel ratty , im starting to have withdrawal symptoms.
I have a dental appointment ( not my favourite activity ! ) and im behind in my paperwork, not to mention i havent even reserved my usual bio turkey for Xmas.
Out of the blue, Igor rang at 8.05 am.
I- Good morning schatzie.
C-hmm hey you.
I- I was just thinking about you after driving my son to school and it is such a beautifull snowy day, I was wondering if you...
C-Sorry Igor Im not really in the mood today, I dont feel sexy, Im gonna go to the dentist this afternoon, I have a ton of paperwork to do, books to read, stuff to file, my back is a little achy and I havent even had my morning chocolate yet ! so , thank you for thinking of me but no thank you.
I-Hey ? want a quickie ?
C-what ?
I- got this massive hard on with your name on it, you fancie a quickie ?
C-Now you re talking ! come on up honey, I feel better already.
hahahahahaha dont I always say Igor is the perfect shagbuddie in everyway ?
No nensense, no lying or pretending, straight to the point.
no time wasting nor teasing. I dont know about you but I just love morning sex.
I havent had a quickie in such a long time I forgot how funtastic they feel.
He comes in, unshaved , no tie on, shallow breath and shiny eyes, looks at
me with his mouth slightly open, pushes me against the wall to start undressing me feverishly whilst kissing me hard.
Igor's desire is out of control.
In such cases you either fall on the floor with your clothes around your ankles or if you are lucky you might actually drop on the couch or the bed whichever comes first.
But Igor is already inside me before Im totally naked and we are still standing against my front door !
So glad I had a condom in my shirt pocket when I opened the door.
My naked thighs really enjoy the feel of his blue jeans, the zip of his black leather jacket is rubbing sensously against my almost naked breasts.
This leather smell is driving me crasy and I dont even mind the roughness of the wall digging in my back.
My fingers are running frantically trough his dark blond curls and I cant stop feeling small waves of fire washing over me.
He is practically dancing in my body as deeply as his tongue is doing tango with mine, yum.
Since Im much smaller than Igor is, he has lifted me a little and is cupping my buttocks to secure me in that position, and what a position it is !!!!
Its not romantic at all but it is extremely hot, viril, manly, almost primal.
I feel so alive and sexy as Igor stares at me with half closed eyes and whispers :
....I love your ass...I love your small mushi that holds my dick so tight.....
I could kiss your tits all day.....hmmm I love your mouth.....i love what you do with it.......I love your eyes......I love to watch you come....come for me......
come with me...... come with me.......
We rock into each other slowly, ever so slowly, until we explode.................
Later we are sitting on the floor, wordlessly , exhausted but happy !
My head is resting on his shoulder while his arms and legs are wrapped around me.
Igor didnt even shower ,said he wants to keep my taste all day during business meetings and remember this morning.
Wow ! how is that for a sexy statement ?
One more kiss and Gregor goes back to his day, I feel so energized by this fabulous quickie that Im ready to take on the world ! roll on laundries, books, tax forms, gift wrappings and time tables ! Im ready for you now !
But .....not before I have a long long hot shower.
A quickie with Igor seems like the purrfect way to start the day !
naughty, I know but hey Im single therefore I am the boss of ..............
....what ?
Exactly !
Wednesday 8 December 2010
This is not a very sexy month for me
Last december, I had sex 6 times and 2 of those were brand new one night stands. This december , however, feels very different. I am swamped in work, not only hands on but I also have many reading assignments to complete , 5 classes to take, 1 to teach and Xmas to prepare for.
Is that my new bed ? the poor thing hasnt yet been given a proper welcome.
Is it that I lost a friend and am not really trying ?
Is that the snow ? these non stop icy droppings that outstay their welcome ?
Is that the fact that I accidently cut myself last week and sport a couple of dressings on my neck and tummy ?
Jerome saw a piece of dressing sticking out of my collar and stopped right in the middle of asking me out. WTF ?
Igor rang me 3 times before I picked up and when I explained about the dressings...oops he had to go back to the office for a video conference.
What ? a couple of dressings make me less sexy now ?
Does it alter my looks ? Does it affect the quality of my sexual prowess ?
I put it to you that it does not.
Since when do men demand perfection anyway ? do they have some to offer ?
So much for looks not mattering that much ! Or am I the only one putting sexyness and character before looks ?
Back a few years ago I was very sick for 3 months, I had 2 catheters and a urin pouch attached to my thigh. I felt so ugly and just turned down everybody who rang me. I did try telling a couple of guys I knew then, what the problem was......their reactions was to cut all contacts immediatelly.
I was outraged. not really surprised , but sad that men can be so shallow. When I was healed and back on top of things, they suddenly remembered me but I never dated them again, I forgave them but I just didnt want them around anymore.
In fact , the only guy who not only gate crushed my hospital room, came to see me at home during my convalescence to make me some soup and give me kisses like I were still a hottie .....was crazy Djamel !
As I began to heal enough to consider beeing a nice normal sexual beeing again , it was Djamel that I entrusted with my fears and unsecurities and he made love to me in spite of all the remaining plastic tube and plastic pouch that made me look so undesirable to the rest of the world.
That was so cool to feel like a human beeing again, like a woman, a woman who can give and be given orgasms.
Djamel may be a crazy, lying, obssesive son of a bitch, but he did help back then.
Now why is it that the only man who gave me the time of the day when no other would, had to be a crasy stalker I cannot trust at all ?
Was he trying to bind me to him ? did he think I should be forever grateful and would move in with him ? He must have had an agenda.
All the same, it was the bad man who behaved descently those days.
You see thats another reason why I like bad boys, they are there when the goodie are not .
Or was just it because it was me ?
Is that my new bed ? the poor thing hasnt yet been given a proper welcome.
Is it that I lost a friend and am not really trying ?
Is that the snow ? these non stop icy droppings that outstay their welcome ?
Is that the fact that I accidently cut myself last week and sport a couple of dressings on my neck and tummy ?
Jerome saw a piece of dressing sticking out of my collar and stopped right in the middle of asking me out. WTF ?
Igor rang me 3 times before I picked up and when I explained about the dressings...oops he had to go back to the office for a video conference.
What ? a couple of dressings make me less sexy now ?
Does it alter my looks ? Does it affect the quality of my sexual prowess ?
I put it to you that it does not.
Since when do men demand perfection anyway ? do they have some to offer ?
So much for looks not mattering that much ! Or am I the only one putting sexyness and character before looks ?
Back a few years ago I was very sick for 3 months, I had 2 catheters and a urin pouch attached to my thigh. I felt so ugly and just turned down everybody who rang me. I did try telling a couple of guys I knew then, what the problem was......their reactions was to cut all contacts immediatelly.
I was outraged. not really surprised , but sad that men can be so shallow. When I was healed and back on top of things, they suddenly remembered me but I never dated them again, I forgave them but I just didnt want them around anymore.
In fact , the only guy who not only gate crushed my hospital room, came to see me at home during my convalescence to make me some soup and give me kisses like I were still a hottie .....was crazy Djamel !
As I began to heal enough to consider beeing a nice normal sexual beeing again , it was Djamel that I entrusted with my fears and unsecurities and he made love to me in spite of all the remaining plastic tube and plastic pouch that made me look so undesirable to the rest of the world.
That was so cool to feel like a human beeing again, like a woman, a woman who can give and be given orgasms.
Djamel may be a crazy, lying, obssesive son of a bitch, but he did help back then.
Now why is it that the only man who gave me the time of the day when no other would, had to be a crasy stalker I cannot trust at all ?
Was he trying to bind me to him ? did he think I should be forever grateful and would move in with him ? He must have had an agenda.
All the same, it was the bad man who behaved descently those days.
You see thats another reason why I like bad boys, they are there when the goodie are not .
Or was just it because it was me ?
Friday 3 December 2010
Am I grooming guys to be better men ?
I have decided to quit love a few years ago after my second husband broke my heart and live the way I do now. It works for me.
It doesnt mean I never form any bonds to the people I date, I even have something that could be described as feelings for some of them. Specially the ones I often dally with.
However I am very serious to the commitment I made to remaining single and I occasionally am reminded of the price Im paying for my independance.
As intimacy devellops between a shagbuddy and myself, there will be times where things get deeper, not just sexually, you start to talk about your life , you even council and comfort each others, compare notes on life's many issues. You even have a hard time letting go sometimes and you will be hugging and kissing good night by the door a lot longer that you should.
I often have shag flash backs on the next day , thinking how fantastic last night was or hmmm that thing he does with his tongue or the way he moves his hips or the scent of his skin when it sweating against mine, that vein that pulses on his forehead, how intense his eyes are, how he screamed, how he.....
Ok ! moving on.
Thats what I always tell myself to snap out of this lovely flashbacks.
Whenever I feel like sending a nice text I will resist the impulse and send a saucy one instead, thats my way of saying :
"sure I like you, I like you a lot but this is only sex.
Tenderness and loving are not part of the deal mister."
I have been known to run away from guys I knew I would lose control with, I even go as far as beeing quite obnoxious to someone I really really have strong feelings for, I make sure they jump out of my life and never come back, I double lock all the doors to my heart to make sure whoever he is can not ever get back in again.
Dont you feel sorry fo me, this what I want.
The funny thing is....I often get dumped by my lovers because there always comes a time when they want more. Or I walk away from them because I want more, lol.
How many times have I had this dreaded conversation with a shagbuddy :
we get on well, you make me feel wonderfull, you are girlfriend material, I know you like me more that you say, you and I have got a good thing going .....bla bla bla .....if you are not gonna take what I have to give I will find a girl who will.
And after the closure of our sexual friendships, most of those men end up marrying or living with the very next girl they date after me !
Im thinking of this cute saoudian I saw for months, when it became clear to him that there was no more I was willing to give...he left and next time I bumped into him he wore a wedding ring and held the hand of his pregnant wife !
Mark, hot gorgeous nigerian, slammed the door shouting he wondered what it was about him that I figured was not good enough for me. Last time I saw Mark he walked proudly hand in hand with an unsuspecting girlfriend.
Byron, always complaining that I never called him except for nookie, Byron is settling with a cute blondie and Im happy for him because he deserves it.
Pesha, hot blond, forever swinging from a "lets have a shagfest" mode to an "I want to be loved" mode, is now living with a girlfriend who probably is unaware that the whole city of Bern and Zurich, men and women included, have revisited the kamasoutra with her man. lol.
Jawad, the best shag in Bern, told me he wants a woman who will wash up after he's cooked for her.
So yes, they were ready for commitments, but I dont like beeing pressured and I dont want to belong to one man in particular, I really dont.
There are so many many men who have got so much to offer, I would hate to miss out on great sex with a hot stranger just because Im bound to one very man.
Since open relationships and unfidelity are not an option for me.......singlehood is the answer to my sexual happyness.
But I cant help wondering..... how did those men, who were into one night stands and casual sex when I met them, how did they suddenlly turned into boyfriends and husbands ?
Is it me ?
Do I mess them up so badly they will quickly grab a nice girl who will make them feel safe and in control ? Could it be that anyone else will be easy to handle after me ?
Or do I give them a taste of something so wonderfull they want to have this all the time , and for real ? Once Ive put them in the "girl" position do they realise they have been pigs and now they understand how women feel therefore they will settle down nicely.
It cant be entirely bad for an asshole to feel first hand what he made many women feel before he met me, can it ?
If at least they stop hurting women after they realise how painfull it is, then I have served some purpose, and made a few ladies quite happy, lol.
Am I screwing my lovers up ? or am I grooming them for other women who will make some good out of my left overs?
What says you ?
It doesnt mean I never form any bonds to the people I date, I even have something that could be described as feelings for some of them. Specially the ones I often dally with.
However I am very serious to the commitment I made to remaining single and I occasionally am reminded of the price Im paying for my independance.
As intimacy devellops between a shagbuddy and myself, there will be times where things get deeper, not just sexually, you start to talk about your life , you even council and comfort each others, compare notes on life's many issues. You even have a hard time letting go sometimes and you will be hugging and kissing good night by the door a lot longer that you should.
I often have shag flash backs on the next day , thinking how fantastic last night was or hmmm that thing he does with his tongue or the way he moves his hips or the scent of his skin when it sweating against mine, that vein that pulses on his forehead, how intense his eyes are, how he screamed, how he.....
Ok ! moving on.
Thats what I always tell myself to snap out of this lovely flashbacks.
Whenever I feel like sending a nice text I will resist the impulse and send a saucy one instead, thats my way of saying :
"sure I like you, I like you a lot but this is only sex.
Tenderness and loving are not part of the deal mister."
I have been known to run away from guys I knew I would lose control with, I even go as far as beeing quite obnoxious to someone I really really have strong feelings for, I make sure they jump out of my life and never come back, I double lock all the doors to my heart to make sure whoever he is can not ever get back in again.
Dont you feel sorry fo me, this what I want.
The funny thing is....I often get dumped by my lovers because there always comes a time when they want more. Or I walk away from them because I want more, lol.
How many times have I had this dreaded conversation with a shagbuddy :
we get on well, you make me feel wonderfull, you are girlfriend material, I know you like me more that you say, you and I have got a good thing going .....bla bla bla .....if you are not gonna take what I have to give I will find a girl who will.
And after the closure of our sexual friendships, most of those men end up marrying or living with the very next girl they date after me !
Im thinking of this cute saoudian I saw for months, when it became clear to him that there was no more I was willing to give...he left and next time I bumped into him he wore a wedding ring and held the hand of his pregnant wife !
Mark, hot gorgeous nigerian, slammed the door shouting he wondered what it was about him that I figured was not good enough for me. Last time I saw Mark he walked proudly hand in hand with an unsuspecting girlfriend.
Byron, always complaining that I never called him except for nookie, Byron is settling with a cute blondie and Im happy for him because he deserves it.
Pesha, hot blond, forever swinging from a "lets have a shagfest" mode to an "I want to be loved" mode, is now living with a girlfriend who probably is unaware that the whole city of Bern and Zurich, men and women included, have revisited the kamasoutra with her man. lol.
Jawad, the best shag in Bern, told me he wants a woman who will wash up after he's cooked for her.
So yes, they were ready for commitments, but I dont like beeing pressured and I dont want to belong to one man in particular, I really dont.
There are so many many men who have got so much to offer, I would hate to miss out on great sex with a hot stranger just because Im bound to one very man.
Since open relationships and unfidelity are not an option for me.......singlehood is the answer to my sexual happyness.
But I cant help wondering..... how did those men, who were into one night stands and casual sex when I met them, how did they suddenlly turned into boyfriends and husbands ?
Is it me ?
Do I mess them up so badly they will quickly grab a nice girl who will make them feel safe and in control ? Could it be that anyone else will be easy to handle after me ?
Or do I give them a taste of something so wonderfull they want to have this all the time , and for real ? Once Ive put them in the "girl" position do they realise they have been pigs and now they understand how women feel therefore they will settle down nicely.
It cant be entirely bad for an asshole to feel first hand what he made many women feel before he met me, can it ?
If at least they stop hurting women after they realise how painfull it is, then I have served some purpose, and made a few ladies quite happy, lol.
Am I screwing my lovers up ? or am I grooming them for other women who will make some good out of my left overs?
What says you ?
Thursday 2 December 2010
You cannot help a self destructive man
Carlos (name changed) was a witty sexy very charismatic portuguese bartender. He hit on me straight away when we met 9 years ago.
I have tried to occult this truely unglorious affair but it might help you ladies to learn something vital : YOU CANNOT HELP A SELF DESTRUCTIVE MAN WHO DONT WANT ANY HELP !!!!!!!
Was that big enough ? did you all see it ?
Ok, here is what happened.
For some reason I was feeling a litte vulnerable at the time so when this hottie went out of his way to make a pass at me I asked him to meet me the following day which was the 1st of august, here its like the french 14th of july or the american 4 th of july, day off, big street parties, fireworks ! the whole nine yards.
Indeed he surprised me with fantastic mind blowing sex, even the fireworks outside didnt compare.
I had no idea a peasant boy could be so sensous. In fact I was so impressed I took him on as my shagg buddy.
That sex was unforgettable, we use to play with food, he would drop a dollop of fresh cream on my knee and lick it off, working his way up. he would bite inside an orange before going down on me, showering together, crasy kinky stuff !
He loved brusing my hair , which he asked me to keep long, pfffff, he loved watching me dress. It started really well.....BUT one day , out of the blue I discovered he had a drinking problem, later I discovered he was an alcoholic ! Since Carlos refused to be kept in the closet, we used to go out all the time, shopping, clubbing, holding hands, it was getting a little bit out of control but I saw it too late.
Within 2 months of intense dating I found out he was not only an alcoholic but snorting coke as well ! everything I hate, his dealer even tried to threaten me !.
AND to make matter worse he was still sleeping with the girlfriend he said had left.
What was I to do ?
I was very attached to that bitch, so silly me , with my heart of gold, decided to save him.
He agreed on the condition that I would stay with him. Those were crasy times, i was juggling 2 jobs, my teenage children, my household and keeping my lover on the straight and narrow.
What was I thinking ?
did I really think I could stop an alcoholic bartender from drinking ?
How often did I pick him up from work to drag him to his appartment to make sure he would eat something and sleep. The girlfriend had really left by then because she wanted a baby and he didnt. Suddenly he wanted one with me and was furious when I explained that I had already borne and raised my children and wanted no more. When I would get fed up and refuse to go see him, he would black mail me emotionally saying he was gonna snort a week of salary and it would be my fault. Sometimes the blackmail worked and sometimes I would feel so happy at home with my kids and our 4 cats that I would find the strength to say no.
This was the most toxic relationship I have ever been in, I have dated toxic men after that, but none compares to this lowlife. He was so envious of my life, my familly, my friends, my jobs, even of my frienship with my ex husbands.
Why ? because he was a crasy moron who didnt like to see people beeing happy thats why.
I can truely say that I actually suffered with Carlos, it was so toxic that he would cheat on me and tell me all about it, then I would retaliate by cheating on him and tell him everything.
As months went by however, he would feel so supported by my enthusiasm that he was greatly reducing smoking and drinking, even snorting was out of the picture but he smoked more joints to compensate.
We did some crasy things like al fresco sex, we had shagged on a morning train at 5am returning from a party, we were shagging in the bathroom till the ticket controller knocked on the door, I was blushing so much I looked like a strawberry ! We did it everwhere,in the lift, in the park, in the laundry room, i was so afraid of getting cought ! it was insane, then he would resent me again for not letting him do drugs, I did say clearly that I would leave him immediatelly if he did. We would fight some more and we would have great make up sex, all the time.
Once I switched my phone off because I was hosting an important familly dinner and I didnt want him pestering me, next morning at 6am I was queuing up at the baker and he jumped on me, red eyed and disheveled.
Screaming : Puta why did u leave me alone ? were you with another man? you fucking Puta Im gonna kill you !
It took all my cold blooded diplomatie to calm Carlos down, there was around 10 people watching while he was gesturing and screamimg threats right in my face, I almost expected those people to get the pop corn out.
Nobody lifted a finger to help me. It was like beeing trapped in a Tarantino movie, where the bad man wants to hurt the girl but she has more balls that he does. Since I was no longer prepared to be agressed verbally much longer I slapped him. To this day I cant believe I actually raised my hand to someone. Thats how far he had pushed me, this was wrong I shouldnt have done that but at the time it was the only defense I had.
Carlos's reaction was to break the windows of that bakery, eveverybody run away while he kept screaming at me, I regained some self control and walked him slowly to his building and ask if he wanted to break up.
After a string of : fucking puta, im gonna kill you if you leave carlos! dont you walk away from carlos! pusha !
I left him to sleep it off, but that had really shaken me to the core, i couldnt go on like that.
Next evening, he was sober and behaved normally, I gave him a long speach which in short meant, i want you off booze and drugs now or Im leaving you forever. He seemed to understand and he did stop.
Thas was so nice , we would walk around in a park and he would marvel at the colours of the flowers, birds and trees, he hadnt notice the beautifull Aare river before, he didnt realise there was so much beauty to life without intoxication. I had made it, he was sober, he was saved, off the hook. And he felt extremely gratefull to me for that.
Untill he made the huge mistake of telling his psycho mother back in portugal, about us and his sobriety.
That evil person didnt want a happy son with a good woman, she wanted him , stoned and lonely like her miserable drunken self. She began a huge manipulation, contacting his ex, convincing her that carlos was missing her and that i was just a fling. She so fell for it, the mother knew that girl would never be strong enough to keep Carlos on the straight and narrow, and she knew we would break up when he would drink again. And she won.
One day Carlos and I were clubbing , he saw Lourdes when I was in the bathrom and she made a plea for him.
Exactly one year later after our first date he stood me up so that he could go smoke crack with some other losers in some crack house. I went to his flat the next day and I couldnt believe what I found there....grass, coke, crack pipe. He threw away months of sobriety in one evening !
I left before he could see me cry. In the stairs i decided to man up and I went back in to tell him what an idiot he was to ruin his life, his reaction was :
Go fuck yourself , i dont love you anymore, im going back to lourdes who loves me so much she takes me as i am !
Astonishing ! it was the last thing i expected. I felt quite stupid too, having worked so hard for nothing.
I calmly explained to him what he was doing and that i wouldnt take him back.
(his mumy dearest had counted on that)
As I went home I cried for a week, I felt so humiliated. What made me think I could save a selfdestructive man with an overpowering mother and a retarded girlfriend anyway ?
After 11 days he began calling me regularly, once i was elswhere and my daughter picked the phone up to tell him : Thank you for breaking up with mom, now she can purge her life of you at last, by the way you have made the biggest mistake of you life because you will never find a class act like my mom again.
I was so moved when I found out my daughter said this to this bloke she profoundly dispised. How sweet !
That gave me a lot of energy back and I started to feel better. Carlos kept calling, kept following me eveywhere, explained that mummy dearest had manipulated everyone and that he had already broke up with lourdes and what was he gonna do without me and so on......I could feel myself slowly falling for his lies again so I took drastic actions: I wrote him a long letter that I dropped in his mail box with a CD of Celine Dion."pour que tu m aimes encore"
That letter contained all my resentment, my disapointment, my anger at his stupidity and betrayal. I said I did not want to be his lover, girlfriend or even friend anymore, I forbid him to think of me, to talk to me, I said I didnt even hate him , I just wanted out of this sick , twisted love of his.
That really got to him, he dropped everything and cought the next plane to.........drum rollls: his mom !
The funny thing is this is how I met Djamel, they were about to have a punch up over a professional disagreement in the kitchen and I pulled Carlos out of it. By the time I saw Damel again Carlos was out of my life but we had something to talk about on our first date, lol.
Right after Xmas ,Carlos started calling, he was so lonely and miserable on his mothers farm, he kept asking me to bring him back into the country, he was constantly stoned and drunk. One day I just stopped taking his calls because they were begining to upset me. He did text stalk me for a year after that though.
In conclusion I will say : there is nothing , absolutely nothing you can do to help a self destructive man. A man who goes to alcoholic anonymous and does the 12 steps you can help, but one you have to constantly watch and nurse, you cannot, There you go lesson learned.
If your new man is an alcoholic or a coke head, RUN AWAY no questions asked. It will not make you a bitch, it will make you smart.
I have tried to occult this truely unglorious affair but it might help you ladies to learn something vital : YOU CANNOT HELP A SELF DESTRUCTIVE MAN WHO DONT WANT ANY HELP !!!!!!!
Was that big enough ? did you all see it ?
Ok, here is what happened.
For some reason I was feeling a litte vulnerable at the time so when this hottie went out of his way to make a pass at me I asked him to meet me the following day which was the 1st of august, here its like the french 14th of july or the american 4 th of july, day off, big street parties, fireworks ! the whole nine yards.
Indeed he surprised me with fantastic mind blowing sex, even the fireworks outside didnt compare.
I had no idea a peasant boy could be so sensous. In fact I was so impressed I took him on as my shagg buddy.
That sex was unforgettable, we use to play with food, he would drop a dollop of fresh cream on my knee and lick it off, working his way up. he would bite inside an orange before going down on me, showering together, crasy kinky stuff !
He loved brusing my hair , which he asked me to keep long, pfffff, he loved watching me dress. It started really well.....BUT one day , out of the blue I discovered he had a drinking problem, later I discovered he was an alcoholic ! Since Carlos refused to be kept in the closet, we used to go out all the time, shopping, clubbing, holding hands, it was getting a little bit out of control but I saw it too late.
Within 2 months of intense dating I found out he was not only an alcoholic but snorting coke as well ! everything I hate, his dealer even tried to threaten me !.
AND to make matter worse he was still sleeping with the girlfriend he said had left.
What was I to do ?
I was very attached to that bitch, so silly me , with my heart of gold, decided to save him.
He agreed on the condition that I would stay with him. Those were crasy times, i was juggling 2 jobs, my teenage children, my household and keeping my lover on the straight and narrow.
What was I thinking ?
did I really think I could stop an alcoholic bartender from drinking ?
How often did I pick him up from work to drag him to his appartment to make sure he would eat something and sleep. The girlfriend had really left by then because she wanted a baby and he didnt. Suddenly he wanted one with me and was furious when I explained that I had already borne and raised my children and wanted no more. When I would get fed up and refuse to go see him, he would black mail me emotionally saying he was gonna snort a week of salary and it would be my fault. Sometimes the blackmail worked and sometimes I would feel so happy at home with my kids and our 4 cats that I would find the strength to say no.
This was the most toxic relationship I have ever been in, I have dated toxic men after that, but none compares to this lowlife. He was so envious of my life, my familly, my friends, my jobs, even of my frienship with my ex husbands.
Why ? because he was a crasy moron who didnt like to see people beeing happy thats why.
I can truely say that I actually suffered with Carlos, it was so toxic that he would cheat on me and tell me all about it, then I would retaliate by cheating on him and tell him everything.
As months went by however, he would feel so supported by my enthusiasm that he was greatly reducing smoking and drinking, even snorting was out of the picture but he smoked more joints to compensate.
We did some crasy things like al fresco sex, we had shagged on a morning train at 5am returning from a party, we were shagging in the bathroom till the ticket controller knocked on the door, I was blushing so much I looked like a strawberry ! We did it everwhere,in the lift, in the park, in the laundry room, i was so afraid of getting cought ! it was insane, then he would resent me again for not letting him do drugs, I did say clearly that I would leave him immediatelly if he did. We would fight some more and we would have great make up sex, all the time.
Once I switched my phone off because I was hosting an important familly dinner and I didnt want him pestering me, next morning at 6am I was queuing up at the baker and he jumped on me, red eyed and disheveled.
Screaming : Puta why did u leave me alone ? were you with another man? you fucking Puta Im gonna kill you !
It took all my cold blooded diplomatie to calm Carlos down, there was around 10 people watching while he was gesturing and screamimg threats right in my face, I almost expected those people to get the pop corn out.
Nobody lifted a finger to help me. It was like beeing trapped in a Tarantino movie, where the bad man wants to hurt the girl but she has more balls that he does. Since I was no longer prepared to be agressed verbally much longer I slapped him. To this day I cant believe I actually raised my hand to someone. Thats how far he had pushed me, this was wrong I shouldnt have done that but at the time it was the only defense I had.
Carlos's reaction was to break the windows of that bakery, eveverybody run away while he kept screaming at me, I regained some self control and walked him slowly to his building and ask if he wanted to break up.
After a string of : fucking puta, im gonna kill you if you leave carlos! dont you walk away from carlos! pusha !
I left him to sleep it off, but that had really shaken me to the core, i couldnt go on like that.
Next evening, he was sober and behaved normally, I gave him a long speach which in short meant, i want you off booze and drugs now or Im leaving you forever. He seemed to understand and he did stop.
Thas was so nice , we would walk around in a park and he would marvel at the colours of the flowers, birds and trees, he hadnt notice the beautifull Aare river before, he didnt realise there was so much beauty to life without intoxication. I had made it, he was sober, he was saved, off the hook. And he felt extremely gratefull to me for that.
Untill he made the huge mistake of telling his psycho mother back in portugal, about us and his sobriety.
That evil person didnt want a happy son with a good woman, she wanted him , stoned and lonely like her miserable drunken self. She began a huge manipulation, contacting his ex, convincing her that carlos was missing her and that i was just a fling. She so fell for it, the mother knew that girl would never be strong enough to keep Carlos on the straight and narrow, and she knew we would break up when he would drink again. And she won.
One day Carlos and I were clubbing , he saw Lourdes when I was in the bathrom and she made a plea for him.
Exactly one year later after our first date he stood me up so that he could go smoke crack with some other losers in some crack house. I went to his flat the next day and I couldnt believe what I found there....grass, coke, crack pipe. He threw away months of sobriety in one evening !
I left before he could see me cry. In the stairs i decided to man up and I went back in to tell him what an idiot he was to ruin his life, his reaction was :
Go fuck yourself , i dont love you anymore, im going back to lourdes who loves me so much she takes me as i am !
Astonishing ! it was the last thing i expected. I felt quite stupid too, having worked so hard for nothing.
I calmly explained to him what he was doing and that i wouldnt take him back.
(his mumy dearest had counted on that)
As I went home I cried for a week, I felt so humiliated. What made me think I could save a selfdestructive man with an overpowering mother and a retarded girlfriend anyway ?
After 11 days he began calling me regularly, once i was elswhere and my daughter picked the phone up to tell him : Thank you for breaking up with mom, now she can purge her life of you at last, by the way you have made the biggest mistake of you life because you will never find a class act like my mom again.
I was so moved when I found out my daughter said this to this bloke she profoundly dispised. How sweet !
That gave me a lot of energy back and I started to feel better. Carlos kept calling, kept following me eveywhere, explained that mummy dearest had manipulated everyone and that he had already broke up with lourdes and what was he gonna do without me and so on......I could feel myself slowly falling for his lies again so I took drastic actions: I wrote him a long letter that I dropped in his mail box with a CD of Celine Dion."pour que tu m aimes encore"
That letter contained all my resentment, my disapointment, my anger at his stupidity and betrayal. I said I did not want to be his lover, girlfriend or even friend anymore, I forbid him to think of me, to talk to me, I said I didnt even hate him , I just wanted out of this sick , twisted love of his.
That really got to him, he dropped everything and cought the next plane to.........drum rollls: his mom !
The funny thing is this is how I met Djamel, they were about to have a punch up over a professional disagreement in the kitchen and I pulled Carlos out of it. By the time I saw Damel again Carlos was out of my life but we had something to talk about on our first date, lol.
Right after Xmas ,Carlos started calling, he was so lonely and miserable on his mothers farm, he kept asking me to bring him back into the country, he was constantly stoned and drunk. One day I just stopped taking his calls because they were begining to upset me. He did text stalk me for a year after that though.
In conclusion I will say : there is nothing , absolutely nothing you can do to help a self destructive man. A man who goes to alcoholic anonymous and does the 12 steps you can help, but one you have to constantly watch and nurse, you cannot, There you go lesson learned.
If your new man is an alcoholic or a coke head, RUN AWAY no questions asked. It will not make you a bitch, it will make you smart.
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