This is not a very sexy month for me

Last december, I had sex 6 times and 2 of those were brand new one night stands. This december , however, feels very different. I am swamped in work, not only hands on but I also have many reading assignments to complete , 5 classes to take, 1 to teach and Xmas to prepare for.
Is that my new bed ? the poor thing hasnt yet been given a proper welcome.
Is it that I lost a friend and am not really trying ?
Is that the snow ? these  non stop icy droppings that outstay their welcome ?
Is that the fact that I accidently cut myself last week and sport a couple of dressings on my neck and tummy ?
Jerome saw a piece of dressing sticking out of my collar and stopped right in the middle of asking me out. WTF ?
Igor rang me 3 times before I picked up and when I explained about the dressings...oops he had to go back to the office for a video conference.
What ? a couple of dressings make me less sexy now ?
Does it alter my looks ? Does it affect the quality of my sexual prowess ?
I put it to you that it does not.
Since when do men demand perfection anyway ? do they have some to offer ?
So much for looks not mattering that much ! Or am I the only one putting sexyness and character before looks ?
Back a few years ago I was very sick for 3 months, I had 2 catheters and a urin pouch attached to my thigh. I felt so ugly and just turned down everybody who  rang me. I did try telling a couple of guys I knew then, what the problem was......their reactions was to cut all contacts immediatelly.
I was outraged. not really surprised , but sad that men can be so shallow. When I was healed and back on top of things, they suddenly remembered me but I never dated them again, I forgave them but I just didnt want them around anymore.


In fact , the only guy who not only gate crushed my hospital room, came to see me at home during my convalescence to make me some soup and give me kisses like I were still a hottie .....was crazy Djamel !
As I began to heal enough to consider beeing a nice normal sexual beeing again , it was Djamel that I entrusted with my fears and unsecurities and he made love to me in spite of all the remaining plastic tube and plastic pouch that made me look so undesirable to the rest of the world.
That was so cool to feel like a human beeing again, like a woman, a woman who can give and be given orgasms.
Djamel may be a crazy, lying, obssesive son of a bitch, but he did help back then.
Now why is it that the only man who gave me the time of the day when no other would, had to be a crasy stalker I cannot trust at all ?
Was he trying to bind me to him ? did he think I should be forever grateful and would move in with him ? He must have had an agenda.
All the same, it was the bad man who behaved descently those days.
You see thats another reason why I like bad boys, they are there when the goodie are not .
Or was just  it because it was  me ?