The Jekyll and Hyde of sex

He   drives me crasy. I call him the Jekyll and Hyde of sex.
Whenever M and I  meet, I have no idea whom im gonna be sleeping with. We are secret lovers for a number of reasons, one of them being that he is  twenty years younger than myself and I dont want outsiders to mess up our connection with questions , silly comments and critics.
So whenever we do get together  we already know that night will be dedicated to volupty and pleasure. He loves high heels and lingerie, french perfume and candle lights. We have the same taste in music and I always put on something slow and sensuous on the stereo , like Seal, Nat King Cole, Joao Gilberto or the Platters. Butterflies are  dancing tango in my stomac when he rings the bell and I know he is on his way up. He pauses at the door  and kisses me tenderly then I know it is my prince charming who picks me up in his arms, walks us slowly to my bedroom with my legs wrapped around his hips and undresses me while kissing. He will say how much he desires me,  that  he loves to see me come till I cry , how he loves the colours of my face when he is inside me , how the candlelights dancing on my skin makes it so lickable.
 There will be hours of slow sensuous gentle loving and we wont stop fusing  until we melt into each other.
The beauty of his caress and the magic of his touch are just overwhelming.He calls my name and looks right into my eyes , i feel so close to my lover... After coming together we will just lay in each other's arms basquing in the afterglow of multi orgasms and look at each other quietly, whispering about how good this feels and how we shouldnt be so irresistibly attracted to each other and he will again wonder if we are addicted to our secret steamy nights of passion or just to each other.
I like him a lot when he is mister romance !
Other nights  he kicks  the front door shut behind him, pushes me against a wall,  grabs my face to kiss me hard and starts talking dirty to me. He wants me right now !  By that time I know im dealing with cro magnon so I just grab him by the belt and drag him to my bedroom where he throws me on the bed and fucks me vigorously for hours. We will roll over, get ourselves all entangled and sweaty, he will pull my hair , bite my shoulder and scratch my back. He wants me to hurt him too, squeeze his dick hard, handle him roughly and take charge ( he said he loves it when im in control ) At some point he will suggest something that I will refuse straight away , he once got his belt slowly out of his jeans and pretended to hit the air with it, he smiled as he asked if I wanted to try, I remained calm and said a firm NO followed by a passionate french kiss. Of course I cannot tell him that I was once a battered child therefore brutality is ugly to me in all its forms. Im not toying with this, not ever.
Another time M wondered what bondage would be like and I declined. Last night he wraped his long fingers around my neck and started to gently squeeze. at first I didnt realise what he was doing  but  I did when he nearly choked me with his eyes half closed . LET GO ! I gulped,, his fingers came off my throat , he looked at his hand while I went on,  the hanging man  erection thing doesnt work on girls, i dont have a dick in case you havent noticed.
Doesnt that make you come even stronger ? he asked, No , it bloody doesnt !
Tut mir so leid, ( am so sorry ). To his defense, whenever I say no, M  stops immediately and doesnt argue.
If he behaved differentelly I might not deal with it so leniently, but he is reasonable about it.
I love it when he is crasy.
Whichever of his alter egos Im dealing with, our post sex is beautiful and cuddly. We have never ever discussed how unusual this all is, I prefer not to have a serious discussion with neither Jekyll nor Hyde. As long as we can have fabulous sex  and things dont get out of control, Im willing to play and play and play and have a fabulous time along the way.

My commitment to being single

Every now and then, there will be a man, so special, so wonderfull, so considerate, so sexy, so clever and so compelling that I will be tempted to believe in the illusion of monogamy and love. A good man, a normal man with his share of imperfections and mystery. A man who looks at me as if I were 20 years old, 6 " tall and 50 kgs. A man who suggests but never imposes, who encourages rather than pushes. A man who makes a personal conversation sounds like a friendly chat rather than a third degree. A man whose touch makes me want only him and no other. A real man who doesnt question nor want to change who I am. One who doesnt feel threatened by me, who doesnt need to brutalise me or squash me to feel like a man. A man I dont feel in conflict with. A lover who gives me everything and more and takes all I have to give him without trying to force me into anything else. A man who understands who I am and what I do and takes what I have to offer without judging or challenging me.
Whenever I date such a man, as I do now, I am slighty tempted to maybe give in to his loving words and tender embrace..... should I give it one more chance ? Do I have to be so ironical and bossy with my men ? Does this one deserve the privilege of  fidelity ? Shall I soften up ?  Should I ? Should I ?
However, I remember that even Prince charming can turn into a dominating domestic tyran given half a chance  and I go to work hard on myself  to not listen to  the loving whispers in my ears and avoid the loving eye contact so intense and magical when we make love.  Yes he might have been worth it and yes we have so much in common, this feels so right it is scary,  but the chances of him turning out to be like any other guy are so high that I will not compromise my singlehood for him and will therefore handle this beautiful man like I do any other. 
So serious is my commitment to remaining single and in charge of my life.
Pheww ! Temptation is gone, I am the boss of my sexlife again.