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Monday, 16 April 2012

romantic sex does not mean he loves you.

Discussing with an old friend today about our current lovers and how happy we are with them, the subject of past lovers came up. At some point Mirjam mentioned  Martin ( ex shag buddy ) must have loved me. What on earth made her think such a thing , I wondered.
Mirjam recalled all the the wonderful sex I had described to her and how he and I used to lock onto each other' eyes and cuddle endlessly post sex. To Mirjam this kind of romantic behaviour means he was in love with me. To me, it means we had great  sexual chemistry and more. He did admit he had feelings for me when we parted so I wont deny it, however he never actually said those three words. Therefore my conclusion is .... when a connection between a man and a woman is so strong, when the sex is so magical that post sex includes romantic cuddles, loving gazing and endless spooning...it means gratitude for the joy shared together, it means he is fully living the moment , it means he is totally relaxed and maybe a little connected to you in that very moment... it means many precious things  BUT it doesnt mean he loves you.
You cannot know for sure that this means love until he shows it in more concrete ways.
Mirjam is making the classic female mistake to confuse sexual happyness for love. I should know, I almost fell for it myself. Men know exactly what it is, most women dont and I admit it is really hard to tell the difference if you are not the boss of your sex life.
Ladies, stay on your guards when he is wonderful post sex too. He might be romantic and cuddly but he does not mean that he loves you.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I agree with you. Love hides in little but important things: making a cup of hot chocolate to warm your lover up before he or she must leave and go face the coldness of the streets, drying a rose to keep it for a long time, daring telling secrets knowing it won’t be used against you, not feeling embarrassed when a moment of silence surrounds the both of you in a warming cloud, and there are many other of those little but most important signs of love.
however, if there can be sex without love, there should not be love without sex ;-) It is so beautiful to feel love throughout your whole body and soul… :-)
idée.fixe

Chantal ! said...

My dear, I couldnt agree more :D

Anonymous said...

Wow I liked those comments. I agree with you Chantal - sadly your friend is wrong. When one makes love its love ; one is totally in the moment and loves that person at that moment. However it doesn't mean you suddenly start making plans to buy an appartment together. Thats another thing entirely...not quite sure what it is - but its another thing entirely LOL.
x

Chantal ! said...

I know, I know, and Im soooo tired of women getting hurt each time thay make thesame silly mistake of not separating love from passionate sex. The more women like me there will be, the less will get crucified on the altar of the illusion of what love should be.