Finding great sex where you are not looking for it

Today at work, my boss surprised me with a huge bouquet of beautiful flowers. I couldnt believe it when she said they were for me. I started working at the center exactly ten years ago today ! How classy of her, I had totally forgoten. As I walked home with my wonderful velvety looking flowers in my arms I reflected on what working ten years at the center has done for my social life. A lot.
I have made some mates I still socialize with today. Formed some solid sexfriendships that are still on today, almost fell in love twice. I had many interesting conversations with really good people. I have on occasion helped women with bad men problems or councelled teenagers who couldnt talk to their parents, encouraged those who needed it and comforted those who sought solace.
Last but not least I have met many gorgeous strangers who gave me all sort of sex. Dangerous, mysterious, exciting, wild, dirty, quick, long lasting, experimental, loving, and really beautiful sex.
Working there, I found tons of fabulous sex when I was absolutely not looking for it.
Who knew I could get some of the best sex of that decade by standing behind a counter in that little center, not even in the most famous part of Zurich. Not only was it a sound business decision but it did wonders for my dating life. It would have been so frustrating to work here had I not been single !
The crasiest, most incredible but also loveliest men of Zurich all walked in to ask about a product on the shelves and walked out with the promess of a fabulous sexperience with moi !
Who needs to go cruising in bars ? I just go to work, lol.
What an incredible ride this has been. Here is to the next ten years of madness, yay!

How do single dads manage to date ?

My shagbuddy Igor has attempted twice to get with with me last week but I had to turn him down because I really had no time at all. Between a very busy schedule at work and familly activities plus a couple of cultural ones, I simply did not have time to get bouncy with Igor at all. He even suggested a quickie because of my lack of availability but I think he is way too yummy for a quickie.
Igor has to be enjoyed, felt, devoured and consumed.
I might have made an exception for someone new but Igor and I have been playing together for years.
However , his instance made me wonder how come he had no one else to turn to. Igor is certainly sexy and confidant enough to go cruising for a one night stand. He is attractive and smart enough to have a relationship, not to mention a lover or two as well as another fuckbuddy. Then what was the problem ?
It occured to me that it cannot be that easy for a single dad to date around. When you are single, or like me single with adult children, whatever you do will mainly affect you and you alone, as long as you protect yourself with condoms. If you date a bad person, you can just break up. If you deal with a psychopath you will have to suffer stalking. If you date a lovely drama queen , you will have to suffer rejection. But mostly, you will be handling the consequences, no one else but you will hurt. Who cares ?
It is an entirely different matter when you have young children still depending on you, like Igor and his two little boys. A single dad, just like a single mom, needs to be extremely careful in selecting bed mates.
You cannot take a crasy person home, cannot take the risk he/she will refuse to leave before daylight. What if your kids walk in on you doing the deed ? What if this person returns when the kids are alone with the sitter and makes a scene ? Or introduce themselves as your GF/BF ? It is just impossible to explain the concept of one night stands, sex-friendships and sexual needs to kids. Even harder to explain it to your ex spouse. That's for the worse case scenario, now imagine all goes well, single dad meets really nice girl, they have a relationship and he even introduces her to his children whom in time will get to like her too. Now, something or someone else happens and they break up. What do you tell the children ? How do you explain this person they just learned to trust is no longer welcome in their home ?
This must be so confusing for them, This is why, as a single mother, when my children were still young and vulnerable, I chose to remain single at all cost. I never took a man home and never talked about my one night stands or sexfriends in front of them. At some point my children even started to ask my friends if I were gay ! I welcome the lesbian way of life if it means I am not burdened with a man telling me what to do, I do think these ladies have a point. That brings us back to Igor.
He knows he can trust me, I have occasionally seen him drive his boys to school and I pretended not to know him so that he would not have embarassing questions to answer. He cherishes my discretion and he shares my taste for compartimentalising everything in many boxes. That's why he would rather have his naughty ways with little old me, lol, than go cruising for a potential danger.
Not easy to have a great sex life when you are a single parent. We women know what to do but it seems to be a tad more complicated for single daddies, repeat after me : Awwwwwww

Spring makes all feel amorous !

After the siberian winter that also meant sexual desert for me and many people I know, we are now starting to feel alive and sexy again thanks to the beautiful weather. Sunshine warms our skin, stimulates our Hypophises through our eyes and vitamin D is running havoc. Yummy ! About time !
This week I have been hit on three times, went on a couple of dates and had a lot of fun. I havent actually had sex yet as I am still getting over a really bad cold but those dates were never the less romantic and full of sexy promises. I had a good giggle when and Italian customer told me that his name was " encora "  which means "again" in Italian. I laughed and laughed and asked if he didnt get lots of silly jokes with a name like again, encora. The joke turned on me when he spelled his name : a-n-c-h-o-r-a.
Noooooo ! Spelled like this it does not mean again at all, anchora means the anchor of a ship ! No sexual misunderstanding at all. I was beyond embarrassed when I blushed while apologizing and he said , he will forgive me if I go for a coffee with him. Ambushed ! lol.
I have had so many Italians that I almost overdosed on them and I usually shy away because I know them too well. but at least this one made an effort to make me laugh so I  might go on a date and eventually throw in a shag if he makes me laugh some more. There is someone else that I have been cruising for ever but who never gave and I am very much looking forward to getting to know this person better. Everyone walking into the center is smiling and charming, man I love it when the weather makes people feel beautiful in and outside ! Rooaaar !
I am so back and on top of my game !

Happy Valentine to my fellow singles ! Muah !

Each Valentine the same nonsense happen. Some people who dont truely know me, look at me condescendingly and declare thats its too bad I dont have a partner because I wont get a rose and a card. Not to mention those who advertise that their man will actually come home early and give them a good shag on Valentine. Seriously ? People like this really think they should feel sorry for me ?
How sad is it that a woman has to wait for Valentine day to get some attention, floral or sexual, from her partner ? I am happily single and get laid so much more than most women in relationships. Flowers and candy come to me all year not on one yearly event. I am happy for couples who really have lots of loving fun on Valentine but I am asking smug arrogant  and otherwise ignored bitches to leave us single gals alone with the pretence that you are better off that we are.
Being single means total freedom and having all your options opened all the time, so please do not be sorry for us we sure are not. I know a few couples in love who really get in Valentine and it is wonderful for them. However my idea of a great Valentine is a quiet evening at home with my beautiful cat purring lovingly by my side while I stuff my face with my favourite home cooked dinner, watching some funny romantic comedies. Friends and familly will text cute messages, perhaps a shagbuddy or two will as well, that is quite enough for me. I have fun and sex all year around, not just when the calendar says I can. I make a point of not having sex on Valentine day, to me it means more if a friendship thing rather than a lover thing. On my Valentine week I shall have 2 great sex dates and a couple of wonderful girlfriend dates, tons of chocolate and probably a long long soak in my bubble bath. How Valentiny is that ? taking loving care of myself ?
Happy Valentine to all of you from my cat and I, Muah !!!!!!

Love comes in so many forms.

Dear readers, just wanted to let you know that I am back.
I was reminded of what love feels like and I am very grateful for this  extraordinary experience which I shall cherish always. But as well as humbling me and teaching me how essential it is to have love in my life it also confirmed how happy I am to be single. Yes I have enjoyed all the perks of a relationship  but I have strongly disliked all the little dramas of it.
I acknowledge that we cant live without love but I have chosen to bypass the love of a man and be the boss of my sexlife aka my independence aka my power aka my happiness.
Yes I miss the intimacy but I don't miss the tyranny. Sure I miss the magical love making but I don't miss the having to always look fabulous and make up romantic decorations. Too much work if you ask me. Of course I miss the familiarity but I sure don't miss having to explain and to hold back and to lie to protect myself. I am so relieved not to be afraid of losing him anymore. It is so nice to just put on flannel jammies, face cream  and switch my phone off for the night without leaving it on so that he could call any time. How liberating not to have to tidy up my apartment everyday or to not hesitate accepting another invitation during the weekend because he would surely turn up and get upset for days if I said not today.
My privacy has returned ! woop woop !
Love comes in so many forms, I don't need to be dominated or vulnerable to have love in my life.
There is so much love in my life as it is.
My family, my siblings and specially my grown children fill my days with love. I had tea with my quasi daughter in law this afternoon and I could feel her love for my son, this made me feel like a million dollars. Just as I do when I watch my daughter's fiancé look at her with such adoration. I feel love for my friends when we confide in each other and support each other through tough times. I even feel love when I go to Church. I certainly feel love when I pray and when I read the Scriptures. I feel love when my cat wakes me up ever so gently with her innocent purring in the morning.
I love my dear friends, I love the father of my children. I love my profession that makes me help people and make them feel better. I feel love when I do voluntary work for people who really need it.
I listen to a Michael Jackson or  a Ray Charles album and I feel their love for the wonderful music they have so generously given the world.
My heart swells with love I think of my children and the lovely bond that we have.
Yes there is love in my life, all kinds of love, tons of love.
It is not the love of a partner BUT it is love never the less and it is enough to make me feel whole.
I am back, with more knowledge of the love I am giving up on, and I make a conscious choice of remaining the boss of my sexlife.No regrets there.
My terms, my conditions, my risks.
May love stay in my life always.

selfish lover alert !

Hey everyone ! 
I have been revoltingly inactive these past few days. The reason for it is a nasty cold. Last time I checked, a big red nose and a manly voice did not help score new hotties in bed. I have spent time reading, promoting my own book and cuddling with my loving cat who purrs me into getting better and better every day. My east german ex bit of fun has been pestering me each saturday night, using the power of words to make me fall back into his drama queenness all over again.
But :
First I am not in the mood right now, cough, cough ! Second, I want something new to play with !
And even if Volker was the last sexy drama queen in town, I worked too hard to unglue him off me, to go in reverse now. Usually I dont even answer, unless he texts that he is on his way and I will tell a little fib to keep him away. This sunday however, as I awoke in a romantic cloud of menthol chest rub gel and nasal spray, I actually wrote back that I have a really bad cold and the only thing rising in my bed is my temperature.
What do you think he answered ?
----------------------------------------
That's right.
He answered nothing at all.
Even if I had been tempted to do something stupid like letting him back in my life or in my bed, this inaction reminded me that he is capable of monstruous selfishness. Therefore he will just have to carry on wanking off to my picture like he does when I turn him down, remembering my embrace when he still had access to it.
Is there something worse than a selfish lover ? Yes, falling for him again !
Someone who is the boss of her sexlife does not make this mistake twice.
nope,nope,nope.

The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else : )

We all know this saying, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Well it works but it requires some efforts on your part too. Of course if you jump on the first hot thing you spot while you still have someone on your mind it wont work at all. You will have fun at first but chances are you will have flashbacks of your former lover and even if you do manage to climax, you will be flooded with pictures and memories that will take away the pleasure you got from your rebound screw. At first, you need to think long and hard about the guy, why you want out of this connection. Why it is impossible for you to carry on seeing him. This may take a few days.
Once you are feeling good about severing that man from your lovelife/sexlife/social life/life and you even successfully managed to say no to him the few times he came back with his tail between his legs, pretending he didnt know he blew his chances with you. Only then , can you really apply this technique and fully enjoy it. That's where I am now. Walking away from my east German drama queen was not exactly pleasant, it was like quitting smoking or drinking , cold turkey.
You are fully aware it is bad for you but you still need the buzz. You convince yourself that maybe one last time wont harm. Just to comfirm that you are off the stuff. Just to show the S.O.B. what he has lost.
One last time.
But if you are honnest with yourself you do know that this never works. Ever.
As long as there is still desire there, as long as your body craves his hands, his lips, his....
Anyway, as long as you still want to screw him, keep away as far away as you can. Specially if he is being really nice, reminding you of why you had fancied him in the first place. Martin has done this to me twice now and it was my own fault for not telling him to f*** off.
Since that last desastrous night together, I realised he was taking too much importance in my life and gaining some kind of power over me. Therefore I decided to cut him off my sexlife.
Sure he is great in bed but he is not the only one. First I ran to my favourite shagbuddie Igor and had tons of hot sex with him. Didnt help much but at least I was too tired to think, lol.
Martin has made 3 attempts at seducing me back, he knows something is wrong but probably too stupid or too unsensitive to identify what it is.
Each time, I made excuse not to see him and I run to Igor to work some calories off.
Saturday night I hosted a lovely familly dinner, cooked my yummy almond filled mushrooms and some delicious meat and onion pies. There was so much love around, my cat kept purring and my son and his girlfriend were so sweet to watch, holding hands and kissing, My daughter and her man spoke happilly of their wedding plans. I felt so loved and so fulfilled.
Right after they left , Martin started texting and sexting me , non stop. I never answered.
I felt so good and so......balanced that I actually did not feel the craving this time, I eventually texted back with an excuse when he wrote he was coming over right now. I was cool about it and he was very flirty but I didnt care. But he kept texting till 1 am, even sending me naughty pics of himself.
I was pleased that he still wanted me, even blushed when he said that if I didnt let him see me tonight he would do it with his right hand. But I was delighted to have the last word and stand my ground.
Show you who the boss is, bitch !
Next day however I re read all his messages and felt so aroused I run over to Igor's place where we had really hot sex during which I had no bitch flashbacks at all !
Yay me !
That's when getting under someone else works ! Sure worked for me.

When you are single you have more time for yourself

Yesterday was my birthday, I am now 51 years old and still fabulous ! My bday celebration was wonderful but I will keep the details to myself. However I must share with you something one of my sister in law said to me. We were talking about my book and about the next one I am currently writing ( That will take at least a year ), my job, my familly life, my social life, my dating life, my practicing zumba and my voluntary work. Debbie said she swears she does not know how I do it. I get so much done and I even have time for hobbies and holls ! She doesnt know how I do it. I was smiling proudly when she added.... maybe it is because you dont have a man to look after ? lol.
I thought a lot about what my sister in law said and came to the conclusion that yes, she is right. It is because I dont have a man to look after that I have all that time for myself. Besides my 9 hours a day job and my couple of hour a week volontary work, I have so much time for me. I can go to a movie or eat some sushis in the street while queuing up for the bus. I can facebook or blog or watch telly all night if I want to. I can organize impromptue home dinners with mates or go on a date if I feel like it. My laundry is quickly done, my hoover doesnt demand to be fed everyday. Once my cat has eaten and my appartment looks a little civilised, I have no obligations whatsoever. Yay !
I really dont know what some single women are complaing about, there is so much out there that we dont have time to be lonely. And when there is absolutely nothing to do, I can actually rest or lazy around in my bubble bath.
Ever since I got Volker out of my head I have been blessed with waves upon waves of creativity and energy. I am not saying we should all be single but I am saying loud and clear that being single is a really cool way to live and I am not letting any men threatening that happyness.
Man I love being single !

The price of sexual freedom

Since shagbuddie number one has had an accident and wallows in self pity like the insecure weakling he is, he wont let me anywhere near him. Crying shame if you ask me but it does not mean that I should close my legs for as long as it takes him to decide it is safe to go back to the bad girl. In the meantime...... I have had a couple of hot one night stands with handsome strangers and a couple of hot sexy encounters with shagbuddie number two. However sexy and satisfying that it was....I cannot find the feeling of being treasured and wanted. I miss the adoring glances and the magical touch and gentle kissing of shagbuddie number one.
Is that the price to pay for my freedom ?
Settling for really hot sex without magic ? Is that the price to pay for my peace of mind, so I wont even be tempted to lose control and do something stupid like letting a man into my heart ?
I guess it is.
And although I have loved melting and fusing with Martin time and time again. Feeling these butterflies in my stomach is just not worth it.

My commitment to being single

Every now and then, there will be a man, so special, so wonderfull, so considerate, so sexy, so clever and so compelling that I will be tempted to believe in the illusion of monogamy and love. A good man, a normal man with his share of imperfections and mystery. A man who looks at me as if I were 20 years old, 6 " tall and 50 kgs. A man who suggests but never imposes, who encourages rather than pushes. A man who makes a personal conversation sounds like a friendly chat rather than a third degree. A man whose touch makes me want only him and no other. A real man who doesnt question nor want to change who I am. One who doesnt feel threatened by me, who doesnt need to brutalise me or squash me to feel like a man. A man I dont feel in conflict with. A lover who gives me everything and more and takes all I have to give him without trying to force me into anything else. A man who understands who I am and what I do and takes what I have to offer without judging or challenging me.
Whenever I date such a man, as I do now, I am slighty tempted to maybe give in to his loving words and tender embrace..... should I give it one more chance ? Do I have to be so ironical and bossy with my men ? Does this one deserve the privilege of  fidelity ? Shall I soften up ?  Should I ? Should I ?
However, I remember that even Prince charming can turn into a dominating domestic tyran given half a chance  and I go to work hard on myself  to not listen to  the loving whispers in my ears and avoid the loving eye contact so intense and magical when we make love.  Yes he might have been worth it and yes we have so much in common, this feels so right it is scary,  but the chances of him turning out to be like any other guy are so high that I will not compromise my singlehood for him and will therefore handle this beautiful man like I do any other. 
So serious is my commitment to remaining single and in charge of my life.
Pheww ! Temptation is gone, I am the boss of my sexlife again.

My Valentine !

Last monday was Valentine day, Since I dont have an actual relationship I couldnt expect a rose or a card but I did send my friends, my real friends, a Valentine greeting and got lovely Valentine replies from them. I had lunch with my son, my daughter emailed me a virtual rose, that was enough for me.
As I settled with my purring cat and a romantic movie, my phone started klinging with texts from past and current sex friends,
Happy Valentine , how are you ? Are you busy ? You remember me ? Do you wanna go out for a drink ? Id love to see you tonight, Come on, call me back, I know you are at home, Im so horny for you, Do you fancy a Valentine shag ?
It went on and on till I switched my phone off at 11pm. I dodged calls from Mark, who is in town for 3 months and wishes to rekindle our sex connection which he severed himself a few month ago with some relationship nonsense. I dodged calls from Djamel my official stalker, I dodged calls from Martin who ditched me 3 months ago with some soul mate nonsense, I dodged calls from everyone.
They all called except the one I was hoping would call.
I had not made any plans for that night, I was feeling relaxed, at home watching one of my favourite romantic comedies with a plate of sushi and a cup of lemon tea. My cat was lovingly sitting on my knees, making me feel safe and warm. All this made me feel so whole, so good, that I decided I didnt need anything else, my cat would be my Valentine this year.
I snored happilly as the girl got the guy on the screen, and went back to sleep with my cat in my arms who seriously challenged my gold medal in snoring.

Next morning it was business as usual, I told Mark that I really was sorry but I had not changed my views on relationships since last time so there was no need for us to meet again. I superbly ignored Martin and I emailed Igor back to accept a date on the next evening.
I texted little hearts to everybody else and I went off to work like a good girl should. Guess who was waiting on the parking lot ? staring at the entrance ? Guess again.
Martin !
The easter german kid who broke up with me for the most ridiculous reason in the history of ridiculous reasons.
What was he doing here ? Was he looking for me ? Why would he be looking for me ? He was so focused on watching the entrance that he didnt notice me walking right past him with a bunch of people.
He left thinking I wasnt coming to work this morning, I went on about my business then thought this was a little weird, I walked right past Martin and I didnt feel the slightest twitch in my tummy. Good sign, but still I was curious.
I texted Martin  to tell him I was so small he hadnt seen me within two feet of him. He texted right back to ask me out !
Can you believe it ? We had a nice fuckbuddiship going on for ten weeks till he broke up with me on the silly ground that our love making was way too good for casual sex, he decided he wanted that kind of sex with a soul mate.
Three months later Martin has an itch he cant scratch and returns to seek the best lovelesssex he ever had in his soulmateless life ?
I dont think so  !
I first thought of toying with him by telling him I had a hot date that night, which I had. During my wild wild three hours of red hot sex with my favourite caveman Igor, I saw my Iphone light up with texts from Martin a couple of times and I loved the fact that he was stuck with a hard on , panting for me while I was rocking and rolling with Igor all over my bed, the bedroom floor, my coffee table in the living room and against the fridge  in the kitchen... I hadnt seen Igor in three weeks and his dick was starting to have withdrawals symptoms.  At some point, Igor fell asleep for a few minutes. I just couldnt resist hiding in the bathroom to read Martin's 5 texts.
Am I ok, when can he see a movie with me,  come on, he wants to see me, why am I not responding,  he really wants to see a movie with me tonight.
I was so tempted to text back :
"Sorry dude I cant talk right now because I have a big black man in my mouth."
Then I elected to simply text back  NEIN. and I went back to bed slowly kissing Igor's face to wake him up.
 Later as I was toweling myself dry, Igor asked me who " german bitch " was.
Scuse me ? german bitch ? I blushed
( Thats how I recorded Martin on my Iphone )
You got 2 texts from  a " german bitch " while you were in the shower.
I giggled and we talked about something else.
When Igor left , I rushed to my phone to read that Martin had texted
" Shade, shade, shade ", a german way to say : what a great pity.
Again ,I chose to ignore him.
Why did I not torment him with the visualisation of me in other man 's arms ?
Why could I not be mean ?
There is not much fun in hurting asshole's feelings, I guess.
All in all, I had a marvellous Valentine week, quality time with my children, cuddles with my cat, lots of chocolate, two wonderfull dates, one involving great conversations and tons of uplifting fun, the other was an Igor date, yummie. Man I love being single at Valentine.

Great sex without love

To all the ladies of all ages, credos, race and social conditions, for crying outloud : STOP PLAYING VICTIMS !
YOU CAN HAVE THE JOY OF SEX WITHOUT THE PAINS OF LOVE !!!!

Are you paying attention ?
Ok, here goes :

Sexual attraction is purely physiological, your body is getting aroused by another body.
Your whole beeing is sending signals and so is his (or hers as the case may be )
-It can be someone you have just met and suddenly as you shake his hand you find you like the feel of his skin, his temperature, his firm muscles, you look into his eyes and you really like what you see.
-You are in a crowded room and suddenly you look across and see someone that you cant take your eyes off, he comes over to say hello and your mouth goes dry, you almost mumble and your heart is racing.
-You have known this person for a while and are comfortable with him, then something is said or something happens that make you look at him in a different way and you wonder what he would look like on top of you with his hair messed and his eyes drowned in  pleasure.

You got the picture now ? Physical attraction is mainly physical, you dont need to be in love or pretend to be in love or tell everyone about it. You dont need to make plans or play hard to get or worry about what he will think of you. He certainly does not.

So somehow you have managed to be in bed/in a car/the club's bathroom/against a door/on the carpet/on your desk.... whatever !
The point is now you are getting sexual with each other, the secret is :

Live the moment to the full ! enjoy this extraordinary gift life is giving you. A moment or a night of sexual pleasure with someone cool who wants to share it with you at that very moment.
Just give yourself as much as you want to give and whatever you want to give as far as it is acceptable to you, in my case I dont do anal sex and I dont sado maso brutal stuff but everything else goes ! So give your body as much as you like at that very moment and take as much from your lover's body too.
Give yourself permision to let go.
Enjoy enjoy enjoy !
Making love is give and take and share and lets go round again, yoohoohoo !

Please do not do any serious thinking during sex, this is the only thing that you get to do for yourself only, no one can take it back, this moment belongs to you, and to the man sharing it with you. Please put your brain on hold once the condoms are on and the feel good hormons start flowing.

When I was young, stupid and vulnerable, I use to intellectualise my sexual relationships way too much, my boyfriend/lover/husband would be shagging my body and my brain would wonder why he had said this and that before and prepare what i was gonna tell him afterwards. I use to wonder if he truely loved me or  would he still respect me in the morning or was he comparing me to the girl he dated before me, or how or why or how or why.....
The result was, I didnt really come and he would aways be on my mind even when he wasnt there, trying to thing back to the shag and make some sense of it.
How frustrating !
Many women make the same mistake because of the hypocritical sacralisation of sex, designed only to take our power away.

Just enjoy the guy when he is inside you and dont think about him until he is back in your arms, thats all.

In my mid thirties , I got my heart broken for the third time and had a year off sex. Yes, yours truely took a break from sex for a whole year.
Actually my intention had been to never have sex again after my husband. I was in shock and behaved like an old spinster.

One night in Interlaken, I was having dinner with my girlfriend Leila who lamented that I had chucked  love out of my life for a man who had already rebuilt his, a really cute irish waiter called Collin ( name changed )was serving our food with a lovely smile, big green eyes and pouty lips. When my friend Leila's words kicked in, 
I thought :
 love is a bitch, im still suffering and he has another woman ! this would not have happened if I had been cold and bitchy and manly.

So I looked at Collin and said : Hey Collin, I havent had sex since my husband and I broke up a year ago, do u wanna get together after work and shag ? no strings attached , I just want to feel the joy of sex again, whaddya say ?
Poor Collin almost droped his tray and giggles : Im your man ! meet me back here at 11.30 pm and Ill show you the stars.
I said , fine, its a date, and ordered some creme brulées for dessert.
Apetite for good food was returning to me too !
How can I describe my friend leila's face.....red, white, red again. She was utterly shocked :
-You are not really gonna do this are you ?
-Yes I am, didnt you say I was turning into a spinster ?
-What do you know about that irish kid ? and how will you feel afterwards and
 im not letting you do this ! Are you mad ?
-I know what i need to know about that kid, he is sexy, he is willing and im getting laid tonight after a long dry spell. I dont want to give it any thinking, im not mad im just tired of living in the memory of my past love, and im not asking your permission.


As I paid the bill, Collin asked me if I really meant that, I answered i never would have said it otherwise.
I came back at the said time, with Leila on tow, still trying to talk me out of it.
Collin arrived and we left.
Back at his place he was a little nervous, much more than I was and it was MY first experience of loveless sex. He started asking me my name and if i had brothers or sisters , where I came from. I just undressed and commented about the football world cup which Italy had won that very day.
And it happened, we had really really good sex ! For me it was a way to admit to myself that my marriage was truely over. But soon it became much more than that, I had so much fun in Collins arms, I had forgotten what it felt like to be kissed , to be held, to have hands playing in my then long hair, to feel a muscular body swinging hips against me, it was magnificient and it went on all night. Italians would hoot their horns contantly, pleased that they were to have won the world cup but it didnt matter to us. As some point Collin whispered "fucking italians !" and I giggled " a propos fucking ..... ?" it was brilliant! I could laugh again, I could make jokes.
Take the drama out of making love and it becomes so alive ! Thats how I felt that night in my irish waiter's arms, alive, sexy, born again me !

next morning at 7am I met Leila for breakfast and told her all about it. She couldnt have been more horrified, she said I should feel empty, how could someone have sex without any meaning or emotion tied to it, I might as well have used a vibrator on myself in her opinion.
I reply cooly that this was the new me and she should be happy for me, when was the last time she had seen me smile like this ? she didnt remember,  right.

I dont like solitary pleasures so as long as I  can get laid I will  get laid, and fuck emotions ,fuck love, fuck meaning  and all this hypocrisies that slow us down and makes us vulnerable, The joy of sex witout the pains of love was gonna liberate me ¨

And liberate me it has indeed ! I never looked back since, I did of course have a couple of near relapses  but it got under control soon enough and it comfirmed my position.

So dear ladies, this is how its done, and man does it feel good !
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I looove gay men ! yay for gay men !

I just looooove gay men ! they really give a woman a good time without playing mind games or tryng to be dominant.

Not only are they charming, educated, cultivated and articulate, you can really talk to gay men, you can relax with them.

Every woman should have at least one or two gay men as best friends.

 Of course there is the small draw back that I cant actually sleep with any of them but I dont even need to because they make me feel so good and make me laugh sooo hard.

On saturday my daughter and I attended the black party in Zurich, this is the major gay social event in Switzerland happening on the first saturday of november.

Since we have a few friends that are gay we love going to this party with our mates.

This saturday nite was absolutely fabulous and I really needed something wonderfull.

there was hundreds of people, straight and gays, men and women,swiss and foreigners, young and old, caucasians, blacks, asians and latinos, all united, all dressed in black, leather, silk, feathers, jeans, latex and many different make ups, wigs and outrageous staff.

there was several dance floors, very loud thumping music, laser shows, pyrotechniques, lots of flammes throwing, it was perfect !

One of the wonderful things about gay parties is that there is no violence going on at all ! Hundreds of happy excited men of all age, race and credo dancing and cheering, drinking too, and not a single fight broke out ? not even raising of voices ? try to achieve that in a straight party !

We danced till 3.30 am , what a great night ! i returned home to my cat the next afternoon feeling great and I actually slept 7 hours non stop ! quite an achievement for sleepless me.

Women have the power and dont know it

Conventions and religions have us convinced from a young age that we must be someone's wife or girlfriend if our life is ever to be worse living.
This major nonsense was  probably promoted by men themselves to keep us from knowing our power and our worth.
In the same way karnacks stop elephants from realising how strong and powerfull they really are, so that they can use them as servants , this is exactly what men have been doing to us since stone age.

How is it that beeings capable of creating life and nurture it for years, creatures who possess logic and feminine intuition, who are capable of handling  running a household, raising children, councelling everyone AND working, not to mention multiorgasming and  dayly multitasking  ................ how did  monotasked,+easily overwhelmed +short spaned attention men managed to make us feel that we were weaker that them in most ways ? up to the point that we are not complete without one of them when it is fine for them to be serial lovers without ever beeing someone's husband !
Well that is untill they get old and tired of having to  work hard to get laid, then they settle.

How did men ever made us believe that we are on earth to serve them ? HOW ?
Talk about the dark con of man !

In certain cultures they misuse religions to dominate us, in some other they just use plain and legal terror. Others play women against each other for their benefit. All cultures play down how important our part in mankind is.
In the free world , men control us by blackmailing our feelings, constantly threatening to take their " love " away and publicly humiliate us in messy divorces, ugly custody battles and having affairs with women who are used for men's purpose without even knowing it.

Judeo Christianism has us firmly believe that nice girls dont like sex, sex is for sluts and boys dont marry sexual girls. Dont you see this is all designed to restrain women from discovering how empowering sexual pleasure is ?????

when you discover that you can achieve sexual pleasure with any men or girl, you realise that this power comes from you, from you not from your man. So next time he is arrogant and refuses you tenderness or  sex in the hope that you will be suffering in silence wondering how to seduce him back, you can tell him to jump in the lake because you know you have access to sex anytime with anyone you chose.
When you have this knowledge you are no longer afraid of men, specially not of your own man.
It took me years to find that out ! the thing about the one, waiting for a one night stand to call back , waiting for him to make the first move  and all this nonsense that promotes man domination  is only taught to us so that we dont take charge of our love lives and hand it over to men so that they can trash it at will.
 When you are smart enough to separate love and sex you can actually have both any time !!
We all have moment of weakness, even samantha of sex and the city falls in love sometimes, even Shane of the L word does ! the differance is with the knowledge that we are the stronger ones, the providers, the smarts ones and the sexual ones.... we are no longer vulnerable to this ugly love blackmail.

Thats why men call liberated women like yours truely  by some rude names, so that most women will be afraid to be branded a slut or a whore, therefore they remain victims of men. I would rather be called a B.... and a W.... than fall victim to a man again who will abuse my trust or my vulnurability.

I dont actually despise men, i even have some good friends who are men, I just refuse their dominion altogether, thats all.
My dating behaviour may be a little unusual but it gives me total freedom and control , im grateful for this.

Is doing married men wrong ? (when they lie about it )

First of all let me start by saying proudly that i have never stolen a man from another woman, i have never broken a relationship or a marriage up and i have never ever told a man to chose between "her" and me. Never.
It has been done to me a couple of times but i didnt even retaliate, hurt as i was.


Now that im a mature and confidant woman who knows what i want and what i dont want, i do find that seeing men who are engaged in a serious relationships makes things much easier for me. why ?
Because :
They dont stay the night, they dont make demands, they cant express jaelousy, they cant only take what i give them and shut up about it, they cant harass me for kids or non sexual quality times or coming out of the closet, and they cannot demand exclusivity since they are themselves cheaters and liars.
The deal is very clear. Of course there are some stupid , gullible women who will give their married lovers exclusivity even though he doesnt care , in the hope he will break up his marriage, That never works.
Married men only divorce if the mistress is much younger and /has money / has connections /gets pregnant.
Anyway, back to me. taken men are conveniant for me, as long as they dont realise they are, because men are so selfish and so arrogant they always want to be sure that they are running the show. When they do realise it is I who take charge they either try to change my mind or they leave, too bad !


My daughter once lashed at me for dating married men, she thinks i should respect the property of another woman, never mind  how conveniant i find it.
What my beautifull and very smart daughter doesnt know yet is that even if I did that.......most men lie anyway about being available !


Igor B only told me about his girlfriend after a couple of  hot hours of crazy shagging.
Mark  E only told me he was married after 3  dates.
A friend of mine found out after several months that her lover had a wife and 3 kids.
And what about the age old classic married men line of chatter ? I dont touch my wife anymore/ I only stay because of the children / she has all the money/ and : we have an open relationship !!!!!
Men lie, they lie all the time, why do they lie ? who cares? but they do lie and my way to navigate trough men's lies is to not care about them at all.


this morning i received a lovely very romantic email fro Dietlief  B. a handsome young doctor whom i met completely by chance. Dietlief has been hitting on me on and off quite discretly all summer, i was open and friendly but he is too shy to really attack and i didnt either because Dietlief is not my type at all, too intelligent, too academic, too descent. I prefer my lovers brainless and clueless, its much easier to manipulate.
So imagine my surprise when i read this lovely email from him calling me a ray of sunshine, sweet and sexy, ( aww how nice) and how he would love a koffee with me and so on ......... BUT he is already bound to somenone so it cant happen ! however a koffee would not mean any harm right ?
VOILA ! This is a perfect exemple a married man scaming ! Dude u dont wear a ring but  u have no business hitting on me romantically if u are taken ! and as to how he formulated the whole thing that the married man code for : i told u im taken but if u want to see me anyway be warned it cannot go beyond what I want. 


I get this clearly but i cant imagine how many unsuspecting women will fall for this old trick.!!!!!


I  suppose my daughter would blame me for that too or would she blame dietlief for coming on to me while covering his ass ????????