Dont wanna fall in love

You know how they say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else ? It doesnt always work. Unless you have a sex bomb like Igor to get underneath of. Im coping with the realisation that I might have developed some feelings for Martin and I really am not happy about it for a number of reasons.
My friend M, the only man I respect enough to listen to, has a theory that Martin words to me, a couple of weeks ago, hurt me because I might be falling in love and we all know that the ones we love are the ones who have the power to hurt us at will. If thats the case I dont want to be reminded of how love feels.
I miss the jerk everyday but I refuse to be a victim,
I have practically been sitting on my hands not to dial his number, I miss his touch like a junky crave his fix. Before Martin becomes my own crack, I am taking a few steps, im not calling or texting and I have had a couple of satisfactory sex dates. However my thoughts always turned to him afterwards.
How annoying ! How do I get that guy out of my head ? I want him out of my head now !  Tonight I was feeling on fire, I tried to immerse myself in paperwork or a complicated novel and it didnt work. Whom shall I call to have a nice time with, I wondered. I just told Ayo to get lost a couple of days ago and Karim is way too clingy, I'd never hear the end of it. The Brazilian man told me that he is not a second choice, I guess he must have checked my facebook page, oops ! That cute saoudian informatician did ask me out but Im not sure.... whom ? That serbian mountain of  muscles who got offended when I refused to get in his car ? I dont think so. I just never get in a car with a man I dont know, end of story. Whom ?
Who do you think I called that came running fifteen minutes later ? Thats right. Igor, the king of wood, the giver of hot hot hot sex that never asks questions. Igor ! I have often turned  poor Igor down because of Martin so it has a nice symetrie to it. My caveman waltzed in and took me right on the dining table, not very dreamlike but quite efficient. Martin did pop into my mind a few times but I pushed him away kissing Igor hard. Of course I noticed the difference and missed the tenderness and the adoring gaze but this loving sex comes at a really high price that im not willing to pay. Even if Martin could have been  a new chance of loving, he is not gonna love me back, he is a thirty year old man who still lives like a hippy and when he will be my age, my age, I shall be a little old lady of seventy years. Whatever we have in common, there is just too much going against us and I have no desire to hurt this way. Therefore I focused on Igor and enjoyed it to the point of being quite noisy. Did I mention that tonight  Zurich's barometer is over 30 ° ? I left the window open and thought nothing of it till some woman started screaming that we could at least shut the window when some people are trying to get some sleep. We broke out in hysterics, that was really funny, so funny in fact that we had to take a break, giggling that we were. Igor is gone home now and I have no thoughts of Martin, at least for now. Im gonna keep fighting this love danger before something really bad happens, stay tuned !

Just because he likes you a lot, doesnt mean he loves you.

This is a tragic mistake we all make and need to stop making for the sake of our sanity. Even I, had some issues regarding the " doubt ". When a man you date for a while, is regularly giving you some fabulous sex, looks at you adoringly and enjoys talking  to you for hours about different topics, you would think that he might like you a little, right ?
Wrong.
How crasy is it to imagine that the one man who makes you feel wonderful, loves your cooking, shares a few center of interest with you and keeps telling you about all the thing he loves about you, from the scent of your skin to the sound of your voice, how wildly insane is it to supose that maybe, just maybe....he might actually like you more than  it appears ?
As time goes by, he keeps showing you that he really really likes you very much. Till one day you find yourself wondering if there is more to it. Does he love you ? Is that what he is trying to say ? He is so caring and very considerate... is it because he .....loves you ? What would you do with this love anyway ? You are probably just misreading the signals but....you have a doubt. Suddenly you cant help wondering about it.
Let me illustrate this by something that happened to me only 13 days ago. I had had a hot hot hot very steamy yummy sex evening with my soon to be ex shagbuddy Martin followed by a long cuddle and some conversation about his home town. I was leaving on the next day for a week holls in Portugal, my backpack was still half empty in the hall. As we were kissing goodnight for the hundredth time when he nicely wished me a great hollidays before asking me how many portuguese I was gonna screw that week ! I pointed out that it was a girlfriend holliday with Caroline who happens to be married and screwing around was definitely not on the menu that week. He insisted, with a smile, that maybe I would bring a cute portuguese back in my luggage and I jokingly said : Why would I screw some portuguese on my hollidays when I have you ?
Martin  immediately answered, with a smile, " But you dont have me ".
I was mortified ! How could I have embarassed myself this way ? I felt so exposed and so vulnerable that within a second I giggled that I was only joking. He kissed me some more after that but I couldnt stop thinking of what he had said.
But you dont have me ! Sounds even colder in german : Mich hast du nicht.
Here is a man who always makes stupid innuendos about how our love making could be dangerous, about how people can fall in love kissing the way we do. He sometimes points to my forehead saying : Martin is here. And I just giggle politely when he does this, am I so wrong in hoping he might have shown me the same courtesy when it was my turn to make an innocent joke ?
I have been home for three days and havent rang or texted him. I ignored calls from Igor and Jerome, postponed a couple of others and spent a really wild evening with my new brazilian hottie.
Am I angry that Martin said this ? In fact Im more angry with myself for showing vulnerability for a split second. Could it be that we were seeing each other too often ? going too far ? Absolutely, and that means Martin gave himself the right to get familiar enough to the point of being rude. I still desire him but im gonna create a distance between us, either we break up again or he will be just another fuckbuddy like Igor or Karim. With this exemple I wish to show you, in case you didnt know it, that just because your lover really likes you, it doesnt mean he loves you. Sadly...

Sex with clothes on

My east German shagbuddy and I had already had a roll in the hay and had gotten dressed again. I was just thinking that it had not been as good as before. He had not looked at me straight in the eyes untill we started having sex and he wasnt as cuddly as usual, what was wrong ? However when we started getting down to the nitty gritty he was my dream lover again....BUT without the magic .  Later on, we were dressed, sitting on my couch, playing with my cat and talking about bio nourishment as opposed to yucky micro waved processed industrial precooked meals. My boredom was growing into something more annoying. Here he was bitching about coca cola and television making people oblivious to nature and yet he drinks alcohol ? At some point we started saying goodnight and I gave him a kiss in the neck...while caressing his sixpack through his shirt, he liked that. Playfully I started to plant lots of slow kisses on his tummy, still through his shirt... he really liked this. Was that an erection that was bulging in his jeans ? Indeed it was ! I began to caress it through the rough fabric and still kept kissing his shirted chest and tummy. I looked up and noticed his eyes were crossing slightly, something Martin always does when he is in the throws of passion. When he started moaning I discretly took my lace panties off and zipped his jeans down to free up his very hard dick which jumped straight into my hungry mouth. Martin was twisting and gasping till I straddled him, impaling myself on his manhood. Now that was hot ! He grabed my hips to dig himself deeper into my body. His eyes locked into mine and I cupped his face in my hands while we kissed and kissed and kissed till he came in one long scream. At last ! I felt connected again, we stayed in this position till our hearts stopped racing and we could breathe normally again. I hadnt had sex with clothes on in such a long time I had forgotten how much fun that was. Besides when you have a lot of sex with the same man, it is really important to keep it exciting by doing different things.
Martin left soon after that because he had to work early on the next morning, but now, he had a large smile on his face.