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Saturday 28 July 2012

There is no such thing as a painfree life

Nothing we can ever do will keep pain out of our life no matter what we do to avoid it.
We can more or less keep away from obvious impeding disasters, we may even do some damage control but we can never avoid pain alltogether and that is it.
28 years ago I suffered atrocious labour pain to give birth to my daughter only to end up having a caesarian anyway. I was so frustrated  that I demanded straight away to have a caesarian when I went back to have my son three years later. I thought I would spare myself the pain of long, useless labour. I bypassed the hated labour BUT I hurt anyway as it took me much much longer to recover.
When my last boyfriend Ismet, broke my heart by giving into a forced marriage and terminated our love, I hurt so very much I decided never to fall in love again in order to keep the agony of love pain away from my bruised heart. YET every ten years, one special man cleverly squeezes his way into my feelings only to try and rub my face in it. It isnt heartbreak painful but it is still frustrating and sadening.
When my beautiful guinea pig Speedy died many years ago I swore all animals off, I never wanted to feel that crushed again. BUT what did I do a year later ? I adopted my  beloved cat Shabanne and she gave me three wonderful kitten. I knew that meant having my heart broken another four times in the future but I loved my cat familly too much to stop loving them  ( no regrets here ). I was devastated when Shabanne departed this world because of bone cancer and felt immense sorrows when her sons followed with kidney failure. The pain of their death was unbearable and I miss them to this day. I love her daughter T and take great care of her, giving her all my love unconditionaly even though I know this friendship will also crush me one day.
Two Christmases ago, I lost a friend of mine who was the salt of the earth, the kind of man you can only dream exist , a young man who was decent, honnest, open, tolerant, kind, exciting, smart and very attractive. This beautiful soul died on Christmas day with his fiancĂ©e in a horrible car accident, although driving in dangerous conditions was his favourite sport. He lived in utah  and I was stricken by this tragedy,I cried for days and I always remember my friend at Christmas.
I have never smoked YET, since 6 months I have a stupid condition that forces me to sleep with some kind of  machine at night in order to keep breathing when Im asleep. It is not painful per se but rather annoying at night, thanks Heaven I am single !
You see ?  So much efforts in every aspect of my life in the hope to escape pain YET the bitch always catches up somehow. Is pain necessary ? does it keep us humble and grounded ? Perhaps , but does it have to creep up when it is most unwanted  and unexpected ? Is it there to teach us something ?
Pain is unanavoidable, it is part of our life. I will just take it graciously and thank my lucky stars that it is not worse than it is , be grateful for the areas it is keeping away from.


2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Pain and suffering are part of the human condition Chantal. Now take a piece of paper and this time write down all the wonderful things that have happened to you in your lifetime. The lucky events that somehow saved made everything worthwhile - even though you thought there was no hope. The fantastic places you've visited - the wonderful men you've kissed - the true friends you hold in your heart, the family you love and treasure.
Its been a small price to pay. And its only by suffering that we can truly appreciate joy.
We only enjoy sunshine because we know the what rain and cold weather are like.
For me I know the balance in my life is positive and I hope it is for you too.

Chantal ! said...

You are so right, I have been blessed. Lived in fantastic places, learned many languages and customs, kissed many many wonderful people and I know to apreciate even the smallest and simplest of happiness. It is just that my highs are extremely high up and my lows are really down. But you are right, thank you.