Sex with my ex ? No thanks !

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaack !
Sorry about my silence lately, a bout of flu and hours of sleeping in front of meaningless tv programs later, I am happy to be bright eyed and bushy tailed again.
What are we talking about today ? Oh yes !
Should we take back an ex lover who has been very naughty and not in a nice way ?
Let me think about this for a second....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Absolutely not.
There is a reason why you left him in the first place, remember what did not feel good about him or her. Why did you have to forego the great sex to get rid of the drama ? Was it cheating ? lies ? manipulations ? pushing you around ? bad manners ? disrespect ? broken promises ? constant lateness and let downs ? Why did you stop shagging him or her ?
There must have been a good reason for it or else you would still dance  samba together between your sheets.
What did he do that made it impossible to carry on even a sex friendship or a platonic friendship ?
What did he say that made you feel so little, so insignificant that you couldn't even  argue at the time , busy as you were trying not to cry in front of your tormentor.
In my case I remember clearly that the gorgeous man who sends me flamboyant yellow roses and emails me pages and pages of heartfelt apologies mixed with seductive mentions of how perfect our bodies fitted together and how very much he misses my company, my tenderness and my passion....I clearly remember this very man coldly telling me that he was shagging someone else in Geneva since a number of months and how they tested so that they could do it bareback ! To make matters worse, the idiot actually told me this while making love.
Who does that ?
Igor did. Igor tried to screw me into submission.
He came into my bed that day with an agenda, to impose his will onto me and hit below the belt at a most vulnerable moment. This is despicable to say the least.
To this day I cant figure out what it is Igor was hoping to achieve.
Was he trying to display power ? Well it coasted him his best sexfriend ever.
An attempt at domination maybe ? it failed parlously.
Making me jealous ? It turned me off completely.
Trying to make me give him something I always denied him ? Well he lost it all now didnt'he.
Yes I do miss Igor, his huge dick, his voluptuous caresses and his skilful lovemaking. I miss his culture and his refinement. I miss his voice telling me how much he wants me. His smile, his glances. Hmmm I miss everything about Igor BUT there is no way I am handing him an open invitation to hurt me again.
Now he regrets being so aggressive, now he misses me so badly, he misses everything about me he says, now he is sorry. Is he ? I'm sorry too, it is too late to erase what he did, too late to beg, to late to get on his knees, to late to take away the humiliation, too late to charm his way out of this mess, too late to take back the back stubbing and lowliness of his deed. It is too late I don't trust Igor anymore. No matter what I will never let him touch me again and he will have to accept that.
Men can be like children, they push and push to see how far you will let them go and if I let him get away with such a mistreatment, there is no telling how he will stub me in the back next. My friend C was telling me this morning that sometimes we need to be hard on ourselves just to avoid a really bad situation.
I have done this before with my last  boyfriend , I have done this with my favourite sexfriend too, it shouldn't be too hard to do this where Igor is concerned. Let him learn from this and maybe he might treat his next lover with a tad more consideration, unless she allows the macho crap that failed with me. But I am after all the boss of my sexlife, how fortunate for me !