I put men that I like into 2 categories :
the shag material and the friend material.
Classic Christian education has women think that the man in our life has got to be all in one : lover, friend, confidant, co bill payer. The same man should be able to party with us, play tennis or cards, host dinners, get on with your friends, share your taste and opinions, decorate the bathroom and buy groceries with us, be there for us, a shoulder to cry on and of course the source of physical pleasure too.
yeah right !
Many women believe that and it leads to so many dillusions and heartaches.
A friend of mine always says that a husband is a really good girlfriend with a dick.
Why oh why then, do men receive opposite teachings ? to a man, most of them anyway, they need one or several women for sex and fun, lovers, mistresses etc... And they want another woman to serve as compagnion to raise chidren, run their household, perhaps help promote their carreer, put their life on hold , the woman who will be their concubine or wife, with whom they will stop having sex and fun after a few years but to whom they will stick to the end.
If they can separate women in 2 categories, so can we.
I have to say this system works brilliantly for me :
The friend material are the men which are smart,opinionated, funny, charming, warm, kind, articulate, have a sense of humour, and share a few centers of interest with me like books, movies, music, religion or football.
Those are men I like to befriend, can talk to for hours about anything. Im proud to introduce them to my friends and my familly.
I value their advice and cherish moments with them, they might even be some flirting involved BUT I never ever have sex with them because I like them or even love them too much to risk losing such precious people.
The shag material are the men who are hot, not always very good looking but sexy to me. They are funny, charming, smiling, dance well and ooze sexyness.
I never aproach any serious topic with them as I dont want to know their favourite colour, food or credo.
Of course I do have to know that they are neither animal/women/children abusers nor racist or sadist because that would definitely turn me off.
To my shag material Im only prepared to discuss neutral subjects or sex topics, I never discuss my past, my life, my job or my familly.
It has happened that one would ask me how my children are and i would freeze asking why they want to know, usually that is enough for them to understand.
I never ask them personal questions, besides the normal lover stuff, and when they ask me perssonal stuff I either elude them or distract them with kisses.
My shag material men are in my life for the sole purpose of sharing pleasure that we give each other, thats all,I dont want to get to know them better , I dont want to have to answer their questions and I dont want to be their friends or their girlfriends. It is quite clear what we are to each other and what we are not.
Everytime that I had a moment of weakness with a shag material it never ended well.
Friend material however are welcome to my real life, any aspects of it, but I cant mess this up with sex. I once made the mistake of sleeping with a friend I liked and our friendship was damaged beyond repair. Lesson learned.
Those 2 categories, friends and lovers, need to be separated in order to survive emotionally and sexually.
It works for me, it might work for you too.
10 comments:
I've always been classic friend material in the past - I like and respect women. However I've discovered in last few years the best way I can express oneself with a woman the best way to make an additional connexxion something undefinable is by making love. Its the most powerful thing - far better than words or sharing something else. Anything else misses the spot.
But I'm not a neanderthal mass off seething tostesterone either!!
So CHantal which convenient box do I fit into?
Hah gotcha!
hihi got me indeed ! lol.
yes making love is the most powerfull connection but in my case it wouldnt work because if a man would have the qualities of a friend AND he would be a good lover too, that would be too much for me to handle, I might not resist the temptation of falling in love. So you see, thats not for me.
donno how u can do that chantal, i mean 2 b so extreme and havethis comfortable group 1 and 2 separation. i never could do that in my life. and that was too bad 4 me cause i've always lost, always fell in love with every man in my life, ending up losing a part of me... men can b very brutal, worse than animals, but how could i be something i despise so much? i've always been burnt, dontwanna burn again, and last but not least dont wanna catch fire from the inside... hope i was clearr enough.
yes but thats what Chantal's done. She stopped being burnt and burning instead. She suffered like you did then thought never again so used men for sex but no more. Its quite nihilistic but everyone has to find their own solution. I can't do it either because I like and respect women and enjoy connecting rather than just using them...
Dear lady, there is only so much a person can take. I was married twice, seriously in love 3 times and had a few affairs in between. My heart was badly broken 3 times and even simple boyfriends managed to let me down or make me feel unworthy. I stumbles upon casual sex almost by chance and I notived the many benefits, immediate satisfaction, no drama afterwords, no longing for hi^m, no waiting for his calls, this is brilliant all benefits and no loss at all! it took me a while to work it out but i did notice that the best way not to get my heart broken was simply to not give it away ! you can enjoy the joy of sex without giving your heart. I guess i better write a post about that, it will be for you and women like you.
Just like this gentlemân said I have been burnt too and one day I said stop. Voila.
U could say stop but i did too with the last relationship, which wasnt a real ne it was just about sex, actually the best sex ive ever had in my whole life...all my ex s an ex husband can go f themselves... but i dont want to see him anymore. i donno whether i ever could meet another and bluntly take him to my bed...and then given my illness now... point is no one would wan to have anthing to do with me ...... i feelo terribly lonely, put aside, discarded, refused, u name it...
you see ! your loveless sex relationship was the best sex you ever had! there, you know that to be true. Now, I think you need to love yourself a little better. You are a woman who is intelligent, educated and caring. And you are italian which is naturally sexy ! Of course your present condition is a bit limiting your actions but you need to know that even people with serious disabilities can and do have a sexlife. There are even men who are attracted to women in wheelchairs. There are not perverts, they just like what they like, we all have our preferances.
Im gonna send you a couple of fb likns so that you can meet likeminded people on line and you will do the rest. You would be surprised who can get laid whatever their conditions. You are right to say fuck your husband and fuck your exes, now we dont live on a deserted island there are many possibiliities, illness and disability doesnt always mean the end of dating and the end of sex.
look up my posts called : Paddy, you will see how someone very heavily handicapped is capable of doing. fuorza !
Deep. I never knew that is how it was for you.
I really liked the article, and the very cool blog
Thank you for reading it and thank you for taking the time to write.
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