Merry Christmas and happy new year dear readers

Merry Christmas dear readers, may you have a beautiful time during Christmas whatever your conditions are. Maybe you have a family or friends who love you, maybe you are alone with a dog or a cat who loves you or maybe you are by yourself at home. Are you sick or recovering in a hospital ? Are you behind bars ? Are you depressed ? Are you working far away abroad or serving in the army ?
Remember you have managed to survive another year, make a mental list of what you have learned this year. What feels good about 2013 ? What went not so good and what could you have done better ?
Next year is your chance to change what needs to be changed and to apply all the lessons you have learned in 2013. I wish you lots of love, mountains of pleasure and oceans of fun.

My sexual freedom doesnt give you the right to disrespect me

Many moons ago when I decided to become the boss of my sexlife, I knew it meant that in order to avoid the lows of love such as heart breaks, betrayal and deceptions of all kind, I would also have to renounce the highs of it such as the excitement of falling in love, sharing secrets, baring my soul, trusting and the magic of loving sex.
This was a conscious decision, it probably wont work for every woman but it sure works for me.
Even so, I sometimes let someone in a little too close for comfort and they always try to be the one who brings me to my knees.
Why do men always want to try to boss me around ? I have no idea nor do I even care.
They just cant stand it when they see I wont let them break me and it always end in a split.
There is a pattern emerging  which is quite interesting from an anthropological point of view and it never falters :
we meet, he is excited by my unavailability , impressed by my strength and love bombs me for days, weeks, months or even years.
I am enjoying him, loving his passion, giving all I deem givable within my limits.
Then one day he decides he should be in charge of the connection, he not me.
He tries to cajole or screw me into submission, I recognize the pattern and take my distances.
He either leaves or stays and tries to manipulate me.
This fails too and he either leaves or try to emotionally blackmails me.
Again to no avail because I rather walk away from a man I really like if he mistreats me than keep him at the risk of losing my dignity and self-respect.
If he is smart he leaves and seeks someone easier to push, if he is not..... as is the current situation, he will try and try to provoke me, insult me, seduce me and even blame me.
I want to use my sexual freedom for my own fun and to have complete control over my life most of the time. which is why I only play with people who are single. Never have I used it to harm anyone but it would appear some lunatic gave himself the right to judge me and use my freedom against me. Again with no luck.
My sexual freedom is no excuse for a man to boss me around. My sexual freedom does not mean there is a lack of dignity on my part, just a terror of being badly hurt again. My sexual freedom is not an open invitation for some Y chromosome cro magnon macho to be the boss of me.
Ladies remember, you are free to love or not love whom you please, being sexually active, players even, does not mean that men have the right to abuse you in any way.
Do we all understand each other ? cool.
Any of you with question can email me privately or leave comments.
Go have fun !

Sex with my ex ? No thanks !

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaack !
Sorry about my silence lately, a bout of flu and hours of sleeping in front of meaningless tv programs later, I am happy to be bright eyed and bushy tailed again.
What are we talking about today ? Oh yes !
Should we take back an ex lover who has been very naughty and not in a nice way ?
Let me think about this for a second....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Absolutely not.
There is a reason why you left him in the first place, remember what did not feel good about him or her. Why did you have to forego the great sex to get rid of the drama ? Was it cheating ? lies ? manipulations ? pushing you around ? bad manners ? disrespect ? broken promises ? constant lateness and let downs ? Why did you stop shagging him or her ?
There must have been a good reason for it or else you would still dance  samba together between your sheets.
What did he do that made it impossible to carry on even a sex friendship or a platonic friendship ?
What did he say that made you feel so little, so insignificant that you couldn't even  argue at the time , busy as you were trying not to cry in front of your tormentor.
In my case I remember clearly that the gorgeous man who sends me flamboyant yellow roses and emails me pages and pages of heartfelt apologies mixed with seductive mentions of how perfect our bodies fitted together and how very much he misses my company, my tenderness and my passion....I clearly remember this very man coldly telling me that he was shagging someone else in Geneva since a number of months and how they tested so that they could do it bareback ! To make matters worse, the idiot actually told me this while making love.
Who does that ?
Igor did. Igor tried to screw me into submission.
He came into my bed that day with an agenda, to impose his will onto me and hit below the belt at a most vulnerable moment. This is despicable to say the least.
To this day I cant figure out what it is Igor was hoping to achieve.
Was he trying to display power ? Well it coasted him his best sexfriend ever.
An attempt at domination maybe ? it failed parlously.
Making me jealous ? It turned me off completely.
Trying to make me give him something I always denied him ? Well he lost it all now didnt'he.
Yes I do miss Igor, his huge dick, his voluptuous caresses and his skilful lovemaking. I miss his culture and his refinement. I miss his voice telling me how much he wants me. His smile, his glances. Hmmm I miss everything about Igor BUT there is no way I am handing him an open invitation to hurt me again.
Now he regrets being so aggressive, now he misses me so badly, he misses everything about me he says, now he is sorry. Is he ? I'm sorry too, it is too late to erase what he did, too late to beg, to late to get on his knees, to late to take away the humiliation, too late to charm his way out of this mess, too late to take back the back stubbing and lowliness of his deed. It is too late I don't trust Igor anymore. No matter what I will never let him touch me again and he will have to accept that.
Men can be like children, they push and push to see how far you will let them go and if I let him get away with such a mistreatment, there is no telling how he will stub me in the back next. My friend C was telling me this morning that sometimes we need to be hard on ourselves just to avoid a really bad situation.
I have done this before with my last  boyfriend , I have done this with my favourite sexfriend too, it shouldn't be too hard to do this where Igor is concerned. Let him learn from this and maybe he might treat his next lover with a tad more consideration, unless she allows the macho crap that failed with me. But I am after all the boss of my sexlife, how fortunate for me !

When a man breaks your trust, quit him.

Once  trust has been broken you can not ever get it back.

A very wise and clever young man told me this :

" Sometimes you know a woman is not right for you but you still have to have her not matter what, you will do and say absolutely anything to conquer her and once she is yours.... after a while, reason will kick in and you will realise that you need to let her go because of such and such reasons that will make your life better or quieter without her in it.
Someday you realise something is missing and you can no longer deny you miss her terribly.
You simply must have her back. Passion takes over and you will apologise and plead and beg and provoke and threaten and make promises you know you cannot keep. You will even argue and use reverse psychology , if you have to you will fight to gain her trust again.
You must have your girl back at all cost, including hers.
For a while you are happy but then somehow....reality bites you in the bum and you remember that the two of you just don't function together outside a bed and you will again walk away from her, breaking her trust and wrecking  her altogether.
This is a vicious circle that might happen just once or repeat itself many times and it never ends well.
Someone always gets hurt if it does not stop in time. "

A lot of men and women go through this. I certainly have at least twice, men somehow land on their feet and get the best of both worlds. Most of us women feel devastated at losing their shred of happiness each time.
What can we do to protect ourselves against this delicious Sisyphus rock ?
Do not take him back
Do not take him back
Do not take him back

Sex with an ex can be excruciating if one of you still has feelings for the other.
Igor wants me, even after all he said, the cheating , the lies and the pathetic attempt at domination. Igor still wants me. So sure was he of the power of his huge manhood, that he thought he could do such a number on me and come back into my arms with a flashy smile and all would be forgiven.
I reacted in a way Igor did not expect. I used the good old silent treatment trick.
Yes it still works in 2013.
At first he tried casual friendly texting.
Silence.
Then he asked me out in a flirtatious way.
Silence.
Then he texted a heartfelt apology for having hurt my feelings.
Silence.
Now he is trying to manipulate me, scare me, force a reaction out of me, control me.
Silence.
I really can not  shag Igor anymore. I would still want him but I can never trust him again. How could I relax in his arms while I would be wondering when he is going to pull the macho crap or if he is going to say something hurtful ? How could I come when I would have to constantly anticipate his attacks ? I am just not going to risk it, instead I shall accept that when a man betrays your trust ..... you just don't give him another chance to hurt you again.
Sex with an ex ? No thanks.

The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else

I feel so much better, I am the boss of my sexlife again.

I have a smile on my face and a song in my heart.
After pondering for nearly 2 weeks, should I still see the treacherous son of a bitch ? should I tell him to sod off ? Should I call him to give him the shag of his life and then break up ? Should I explain that I don't like the feelings he is triggering in my heart ? I know that if I just ignore him, he will find a clever way to sneak back in my bed because Igor is unfortunately very intelligent. And if I carry on sleeping with him there will be unspoken resentments which will lessen the quality of our rapport.
He said he wants both that woman and me in his life, he is taking control. So do not like the sound of this.
What to do in such a case ?
I decided to break the spell and picked someone nice to have a romantic moment with.
All my frustration evaporated ! I could feel the tension being released after a few kisses.
It felt so good to be desired by a cool man who thinks I am beautiful and worth it.
This may sound like I used that new guy as a rebound and I guess I have, but I did make it clear to him that I am not wanting a relationship and he was fine with that.
It is important to be honest  about these sort of things.
He made me feel so great in everyway during that hour date that I went home with a big silly grin on my face and I stopped talking to Igor in my head ever since.
My gay friends always say the best way to get over someone is getting under someone else and I am happy to confirm it is so.
I will have a break from Igor or diplomatically let go of him with some great excuses, but whatever I decide, it wont be awkward or hurtful anymore. YES ! Feels good to be the boss again !
Check my ebook here

I tried to be monogamous and got bit in the bum !

Oops I almost did it again !
Ever since I have been so  impressed with the tons of absolutely fabulous sex that incredible bloke gives me,  I decided to re experience keeping myself monogamous ! So satisfied am I , that I keep turning everyone down, I feel no desire for anyone else at the moment because he is extraordinary enough to keep me interested in him only, right now.
However !
I should know better by now. Each time I have been trying to be a good girl, it bits me in the bum. For a while I have been dating him exclusively and I loved it, there is this revitalising energy that sparkles through our bodies when we touch and it fills me so much that I carry this glow for days and days. When we talk on the phone or chat on webcam, I find myself giggling like a school girl and a cute email on my blackberry in the morning is enough to make me smile and have fantastic shag flashbacks. This came naturally, I didn't even have to force myself to feel this way.
Till this morning....... I got a wake up call.
We were having a romantic sexy bubble bath when he casually dropped that even if I wanted to have unprotected sex now he would have to say no to me.
WTF ??? I wondered. I haven't asked anything.
By the way , he said, I have a lover in Geneva that I see on weekends and we are doing it bareback.
I nearly jumped out of the bath tub but he grabbed me and held me tight, while explaining between kisses and caresses that it has nothing to do with us, she is the day part of his life and I am the dark secret. She is all the serious tedious stuff and I am pure pleasure.
Obviously, since he wanted bareback sex and I refused it to him, he jumped on the first slut who accepted the offer I had turned down. It doesn't mean I should compromise my values just out of fears he might dip it elsewhere. And I don't regret not giving in. But I do wish he hadn't told me about this.
This was his way of apologising and I accepted it as such but I don't understand why he had to tell me this crap while we are making love. I almost got out of the tub several times but he kept shagging me while explaining and reasoning and analysing our sex friendship. Until I ordered :
Shut the fuck up and do me already !
He had no idea that I was being monogamous with him and  was flabbergasted.
Why ? why me ? he wanted to know.
Because you are the only man who is good enough for me since the last man I have loved.
He never asked for this, if he had I would have declined, but this was my decision and I had no agenda at all. It just felt good, that's all. I have fond memories of most of the people I have slept with.
Some I will always love, some I miss terribly, some were unique and magical like the gorgeous man I spend a night in Paris with, ages ago. or that lawyer who looked like a young Mickey Rourke, or that beautifull translater who never spoke to me ever again although our offices are 10 minutes apart.
A couple of them I do wish I could unfuck.
All this to tell you how rare it is for me to give someone exclusivity. And I end up being cheated on !
I know I have no right at all to complain but I do find it ironic that every time I decide to be a good girl... the universe bites me in the bum.
Are we going to keep seeing each other ? ( on my terms) How comfortable would I be ? Am I gonna snap out of this stupid feeling ? Why do I even mind ? Should I be more distant ? Should I forbid myself to let a lover get too close for comfort ? I don't want to feel that vulnerable !
check my ebook here

When fantastic sex makes you feel great for weeks

Have you ever had sex that is so good and fulfilling that it keeps you satisfied for weeks ? This is what Im feeling right now. My favourite shag buddy and I had this absolutely steamy, yummy and explosive love making afternoon at the beginning of the month and it was sooooooo extraordinary that I turned down invitations from other men all month.
Why did I do that ? I am not in any way or never will I be involved or bonded to him at all , well maybe fluid bonded but is to do with sexual trust not commitment nor obligations.
He so gave himself to me so very completely and took me as if I were his birthday present that, although I have always enjoyed  shagging him and liked him an awful lot, this time I was impressed in such a way that I have not felt any desire for anyone else but him ever since.
We were only together a couple of times this month yet..... sex with him is soooooooooooo  fabulous that the oceans of pleasure he gives me are carrying me  through and right now no other man but him can turn me on sexually. I feel full as if I had had a magnificent 5 course meal and everyone else was trying to tempt me with a hot dog, I am just not famished after such a world class fuck. I don't know how long I will feel like this but I am just going to enjoy it for now. Normally I would fight this off because I really don't want another Martin situation but since we are not in love and not likely to be, I can savour this delicious feeling  without fearing how high the price will be. What makes sex with this very man so exceptional now ? We have been sleeping together on and off for years and it has always been fantastic but right now..... it is like he can read my thoughts when we make love and each time he is as seductive as if it were a first date. Add a lot of trust in the mix and you will only have a hint of how good Igor gives it to me and I to him.
And all this sexual bliss without the agony of love ! Yay !

From nice guy to jerk within a month

Last month I met a real hottie who sold himself as cuddly, giggly, romantic and almost clumsy because of not having dated in a while.
He was lovely, warm , sexy and very nice. I had such a great time but I thought something was wrong when Yassin whispered " I love you " in my ear after the first time we had sex. Not wanting to start a discussion about how unrealistic it was to pretend to love people you hardly know and sleep with once, I acted as if I hadn't heard it. He said it again and again on the second and third date, till I could no longer ignore it and diplomatically explained that he did not have to do that. I already liked him enough to sleep with him, therefore he needed not pretending to say stuff like that. It became a joke when he would giggle : 
" I looooove yoooooou " and I would laugh back
" liar, liar pants on fire, lol "
That was fine.
As he realised he couldn't pull the I.L.Y. trick on me, he began asking me if I were happy. What do you say to a lover who is so hot and so cuddly ? I always batted my eyelids and answered that yes I was very happy.
Is that what made him think I might be victim material ?
Almost overnight Yassin became a jerk.
He cancelled a date, using work as an excuse. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, once, twice, three times and I asked him what the deal was, Is he married ? does he have a girlfriend ?
It is ok, I lied, just tell me if that's the case and we will work it out. (right !) 
He acted all offended, was I crazy ? How could I imagine such a thing of him ? and so on. I pretended to believe him in order to keep things simple but I filed it in my mental " things I don't like about you "  file, I keep on each new lover. the next day he just rang and asked if I was home, I was doing my tax returns, wearing flannels and looking awful, but I was home.
Open up, he ordered, Im downstairs.
Oh man ! there was such a mess everywhere and I looked so unsexy. Within 5 minutes I brushed my teeth, jumped in a flimsy summer dress, splashed cold water on my face and pushed all my books and forms to one side of the brown leather couch I was sipping tea  on while doing paperwork. Yassin waltzed in like he owned the place and went straight to my kitchen to help himself to a cup of tea. Did I mention my kitchen was a disgrace ? I hadn't done the dishes in three days, there was fresh laundry hanging out to dry and a few dirty cups of coffee on the table. Mortified, I told him to follow me in the living room. First he was nice and romantic
I miss you, he said in between kisses.
Hmm I miss you too, I gasped.
He liked my short sun dress and was getting very amorous but I was not in the mood that day and I showed him what was on the couch, explaining that when I am into paperwork I cant be stopped , would he like to come back later or the next evening ?
He was not listening anymore and his hands had their own agenda.
I pushed him away re explaining that now was not a good time and that I was not in the mood.
He had the audacity to ask for a quickie, a privilege I only grant my shag-buddy Igor.
No, I insisted  coldly, either you give me everything or I give you nothing.
Fine, he smiled cheekily as he got up and stood in front of me.
How about a blowjob ? undoing his fly.
Dude ! Are you stupid or something ? I fumed. If I say no to sex, that means no to a blow job too, Sit down ! I was disgusted.
He was all apologetic but the magic was gone.
His phone kept ringing, I suggested he picked up, he looked at the number on his screen and sighed that he was due back at work.
Gladly,  I escorted him out when suddenly he slammed me against the wall and groped my lady parts almost brutally and more or less kissed me, trying to establish dominion. I really hated that. I ordered him to stop and come back when he wants a real date. He backed away from me and started opening the front door when something strange happened.
He motioned with his arm for me to move away from the door and step behind him ?!?!?!?!?!
I didn't bulge and asked what on earth he was doing.
Do you want your neighbours to see you dressed like that ?
I always look decent whenever I get out of the door but right now I was in my hall, in a short summer dress and I can wear whatever I like inside, cant I ?
But you said you like that dress ! I asked innocently
Yes, I like it for me, at home, not for everyone to stare at.
Honey, I am not an Egyptian, therefor I will wear what I like, end of story.
He didn't like that very much and left.
I pondered what happened.
Yassin had shown a different face today, was he pretending to be nice in order to make me trust him and then put his macho crap on me  when I would be addicted to his affection ?
He was.
"One more thing, I thought, one more fuck up and Im chucking you out of my bed."
The last straw came two days later when he woke me with a text saying he had been waiting for a call for me all day yesterday.
What !
He behaved like a jackass and he thought I had to call him ?
What kind of logic is that ?
Why did you think I would call you yesterday then ?
Because it was my birthday.
Making me feel guilty, not a good sign.
I am sorry, I had no idea, why didn't you tell me ?
I did tell you, on our first date, remember ? I guess I am not in your heart. sulking now.
Making me feel more guilty, he did tell me but who remembers this sort of things ?
I want to celebrate my birthday with you, he purred
What does he want ? a cake ? a tie ? a nice shag ?
What do you want ? I questioned
I want a whole weekend with you in a romantic hotel away from Zurich, he whispered sexily.
Seriously ? You cannot even manage one night since two weeks and you would magically find a whole weekend  for me , who are you kidding ?  By now I was getting really annoyed.
How about tonight ? he offered.
Sure, I sighed, but promise me you will call me or text me if you cant make it. Last chance I was giving him, although I already knew he would blow it out of stupidity or machismo or both.
And just as I knew he wouldn't, he didn't come, he didn't text , he didn't call. And I decided that was it.
When I saw him on the next day I politely told him we were done and he reacted dispassionately and walked away.
It was really nice at first and I have no regrets but he soon showed his real face, seriously underestimating my self respect or overestimating his abilities.

Lets recap what happened :

Met a seemingly nice man, I pretended to be a nice girl, never said a word about who I really was, to see how he would handle me.
Within a couple of months he tried to be dominant and pushy.
I refused to be pushed around and he walked away.
So this is how nice girls get treated ? Man I sure am glad to be the boss of my sexlife if that's what nice girls endure.

the law of attraction, 2

What is it that make the magic of sexual attraction happen ?
Some good looking , smart, educated dude wearing expensive clothes and smooth talking , do absolutely nothing for me. A man who looks like life has kicked his butt and survived anyway, really turns me on. Add a broken voice and intelligent eyes in the mix and that is a done deal : I want him.
There is a new man on the horizon that fits that profile exactly. He is like an alley cat and his face shows signs of having survived rough deals, marks, small scars, couple of wrinkles, always looking as if he had come out of a fist fight. He is far from being good looking but I find his rugged charms very handsome. Whenever I see him in town, I managed to go talk to him while he wipes a few tables and the more I get to know him the more I feel this insane, uncontrollable , irrational desire to shag him until he screams my name with his head thrown back and his bruised tattooed body on fire.
A couple of days ago I saw him unload some crates of a van and went over to say hi as he was taking a coffee break. The conversation was incredible. Without going into details I will just say that he appears to have a couple of things in common with me. At some point I told him point blank that I had been hitting on him, albeit clumsily, because I find him very attractive . The object of my desire actually smiled and said I am very pretty and have a great smile.
It always feels nice when someone tells you that you look good,  so much more so when this come from someone you actually fancy.
I have no idea if I will succeed in seducing him but the mere prospect really excites me !

the wonder of sleeping together

Lately I rediscovered a forgotten pleasure, sleeping, actually sleeping with a lover.
When all the madness has gone and we fall down on the pillows, catching our breath and waiting for our hearts to beat normally instead of stomping noisily, either in each other's arms or side by side looking at each other smiling. I love that moment. Of course I love what leads to this moment even more, but the very moment where the two of us just lay there, marvelling at what a moment of passion we shared, still floating, not quite back on earth yet. This is the perfect cuddle time. With most , I enjoy a few cuddles and light kisses before I say thank you and get up to shower and dress up to go home. Since my last connection, I just don't stay the night and sleep over because it creates the cruel illusion of intimacy, which is a real killer when this gets taken away from you abruptly.
However.......we should never say never .....because :
This new guy I am dating is a right teddy bear. Dark, mysterious and very handsome.
I expected to just boink him, say thanks and go home when the real wonder happened afterwards. After the lovely moment I was describing earlier on, just as I was getting ready to ask if I could use the shower before I leave , he blew the candles off, pulled a blanket on top of us and wrapped his big brown body around me. I must have looked quite surprised because he asked cheekily , in between plenty shoulder kisses,  if I wanted more or if I wanted to sleep now.  The way he said it was so sweet, so unassuming that I thought I might stay a moment.....and I ended up actually sleeping in his arms all night ! It felt strange and unfamiliar but at the same time I was loving this warm embrace, those big brown arms holding me just tight enough to make me feel secure, long brown fingers intertwined in my little whites ones to make me feel wanted. Big strong thorax against my back, feeling so warm and protecting, Long muscular legs entangled with mine. I drifted to sleep feeling nothing could happen to me while in that teddy bear arms. I awoke around 3 am, looked around me and wondered what on earth I had been thinking !
 As I tried to discretely slip out of his arms , he whispered
" Noooo , come back, I really like this "
Who cares, I thought, I am really liking this too and nobody is waiting for me at home so.... I slowly sunk back into his open arms , only to be greeted by a tender kiss.
Yeap, I thought, I really like this too.
It took me a while to fall back into sleep as this time I was taking in as much as I could. The scent of his skin, nice. His shaved head, sexy. His dark and full lips, hmm kissable. His great dark honey colour, wow. The warmth of his romantic spooning, mind blowing. By now I was on my back , his left arm under my neck and his right arm around my waist. Sleeping with him is a true delight, memories of wonderful cuddly sleep sessions with someone else  rushed back to my mind before I chased them away. I really enjoyed this and will repeat the experience anytime he wants it but this time I shall be more careful and not give too much.
Morning felt so tender and gentle , waking up to oceans of small kisses and  a great morning quickie. As I declined his offer to shower together, last night was intimate enough as it was, he got up to make some coffee and I notice that his apartment looked a little minimalist, extremely clean and there was hardly anything personal such as family portraits or books. His blackberry had been vibrating all night after he casually threw it on his sport bag and never gave it another thought. I was not going to ask questions to a man who makes me feel so good, specially when he too , had had the courtesy of not putting me through a third degree.
Tall, dark, handsome and mysterious. They don't make  em like that anymore.
P.S.
However wonderful that felt, we were done in three weeks because he thought my liking him that much meant he had some kind of power and would be in a position to be dominant. When he argued with me saying that it is like I am his cat and he is my tiger, I began to understand the magic had gone. But I have no regrets as it was lovely.
P.S.
We are now in September and he is still trying to get back in my pants although I never answer his calls and always say no thanks when he comes to the centre pretending to check out new equipment
Next !
Check my ebook here

The law of attraction works in mysterious ways

I run into this man 2 weeks ago and barely noticed him until he began speaking, complimenting me on how good my English is. He had been eaves dropping while I spoke to the waitress of my favourite coffee shop. His voice was such a turn on that I took a long look at him.
Tallish, fortyish , Caucasian, slightly balding dark blond, tatoos all over, blue eyes full of street smartness and this incredibly sexy rough broken voice that says life has kicked his ass badly but he is still standing.
That man is the archetype of bad boy extraordinaire. everything about him screams bad bad boy !
I smiled awkwardly and left. Wondering why my heart was beating so loud.
A couple of days later I met a friend in starbucks and there he was again queuing up for his coffee, I pretended to wait besides him just to say hi and asked where this great accent came from.
Indiana, whispered the sexy low voice before leaving.
Aha, now I can call him the guy from Indiana when I think of him. Something tells me we could have a brilliant cavaleria fantastica together.
I had forgotten all about him until I was closing the centre  2 days ago, everyone had left and I was taking down the last rolling shades and putting up a  " sorry we are closed " sign when someone tried to come in. I began saying that we were closed and stopped talking.
There he was.
The sexy bad boy from Indiana !
Its you, I purred. Then I noticed he had some minor wounds on his forehead. I asked if he were all right, had he been in a fight ? He insisted he had only been at the wrong end of a boomerang he was playing with. A boomerang ? yeah right. I decided not to get nosy as it is not my business after all.
Are you closing ? he asked
what ? uhugh, I blushed and extended my hand to him.
I am Chantal, pleased to meet you mister Indiana.
He shook my hand and said Hey I am Greg, how U doin ?
He explained he was in zurich only for a while and had no idea how long for but he had seen me around a couple of times. I hit on him in my cheeky Chantal way and said If you are not gonna be around for long you better ask my number fast so that you can take me out.
Greg giggled and digested what had just happened, looking at me with a crooked smile, silently.
We just stood there for a moment, I stared at him and he at me, till he said he better go.
I didn't budge and he whispered in a low intimate voice :  u gonna make me crawl ? pointing at the semi closed blinds.
Nah, im gonna be nice to you this time. I laughed.
Hey, how do u say have a great evening in German ? he inquired as I let him out of the shop.
(An American who wants to speak German ?!?!?!)
Schöni abend, I purred,  Schöni abend Chantal, said the sexy broken voice as I closed the shop.
Oh dear ! What a walking tornado, this man is sex on legs and doesn't even know it.
I saw him again the next day when he came to the center to buy some vitamins, I flirted as much as I could given that I was on duty and had to behave. He is probably wondering if I really hit on him, I decided that next time I see Greg, I shall just shove  my number at him and bat my eyelids saying call me.

Why am I even interested in that man ? He is not my type at all, besides this broken voice that makes me want to rip his clothes  off.
Is it because he seems to be a lost soul like I used to be ? Or because he is playing hard to get. I think he does find me attractive but does he want to date me ? And will he accept my terms ? Will I get him ? How long will it take to get him ? I like this new challenge.

the ethics of sex friendship

Sex friendships as they are called, are a wonderful way to have absolutely great sex with someone you like and can trust to a certain degree, several times over a number of month and even years . It has all the advantages of a relationship but it is not a relationship. It has none of the obligations and problems of a relationship because it is not a relationship.
It is a loving sexy arrangement that works for both parts.
Hollywood always shows sex friendships blossoming into romance, relationships and maybe even marriage. I am not saying this never happens, but I do doubt it happens a lot.
Most sex friendship come to an abrupt painful end when one of the lovers fall in love with the other.
Unless it is a mutual thing, this never works. The one in love start to see the sexual connection as so much more than it is and the one who isn't begin to fear giving too much because his hot sex friend is turning into a weak, jealous, exclusive, hysterical burden and that is not the deal they had anymore.
Ugly break up, humiliation, lies and delusions ensue.
Whatever you do, do not, I repeat, DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR SEX FRIEND !!!!!!!!
Did everyone see that or should I repeat again ?
The beauty of sex friendship is that you can have your cake and eat it. You can make love and enjoy tons of orgasms with a trusted friend without any pressure or stress. If you change this delicate balance, the whole thing is ruined , often beyond repair.
Sometimes your sex friendship will just run its course and you stop sleeping together because the magic is gone and you want a new playmate, some other time one of you wants to go bareback and the other doesn't. It could even be that one of you meets someone they fall in love with, or in lust with , and you need to wait until the novelty wears off. When your lover decides he wants a real relationship or he has a strong need to start a family, there is nothing you can do but walk away with as much as dignity as can be mastered. Whatever you do, turn around quickly before he sees you crying, this is not how you want to be remembered by an ex sex friend.
Unless one of this ugly scenarios occurs, there is no reason why you couldn't enjoy years of no string attached with your favourite shag buddy.
There are however, a few rules you need to follow to the letter if you want a happy and long lasting sex friendship.

Here they are :

Never, ever, fall in love with your sex friend.
Never have social contact with him, no dinner together, no long  phone calls, no socialising at all.
Do not tell anyone about him, if u have some friends in common, make sure they don't know.
Don't see him for anything but fabulous sex.
Don't cook for him or do anything girlfriendy for him, ever.
Don't offer to do anything girlfriend.
Don't offer any support when he is not well.
Don't confide in him about your personal problems and don't listen to his.
Don't cuddle up too long after sex.
Don't look too long into each other s eyes when you make love.
Don't pay him too many non sexual compliments.
Don't tell him too much about yourself and don't ask him private questions.
Don't tell him if you  sleep with other people.
Don't expect fidelity.
Don't expect to be loved.
Never forget that you are just lovers, not in love.

Remember the strict codes of sex friendship ethics and you will enjoy nirvana for a long time without paying the price for it.
Break the rules and ...... you will suffer ugly heart breaks.

Make time for pleasure

Whatever you do, never forget to take some you-time during the day and have some fun. Even if it is just a cup of tea, enjoy the wonderful aroma, sip it slowly and feel the taste, close your eyes for a couple of minutes and fully live the moment you are drinking your cup of favourite tea. You can always answer the phone, check your emails, do your books and return your boss's call in a few minutes. But do take some time for yourself each and everyday.
The same goes for sex. So what if your schedule is so tight you don't feel like planning a romantic night and even a bubble bath seems like a chore, if a great lover is available for a short time in the morning or during your lunch break and he happens to want to jump your bones too...., you should grab the chance to relax and treat yourself to a power quickie. Yes it might lack the magic of candle light and silk lingerie but you will feel so naughty to be doing the deed at a time you are supposed to catch your breath or gulp down some junk food or get ready to stress even more. Adrenalin will pump up and down, Oxytocin and Endorphin ( the feel good hormones the brain release when we have fun ) will give you some energy stronger than any drugs could and without the nasty side effects.
To give yourself the time to fuse your body with another, to kiss passionately and enjoy delirious orgasms with someone who is on the same wavelength and time schedule you are. To just live this moment of pure primal pleasure just for yourself is so......liberating !
There is no time to cuddle afterwards ? Who cares ? You will  need to go to the bathroom anyway.
Your hair is disheveled  and your make up has melted, so what ? You feel now so good and so rejuvenated it was well worth it. One trip to the bathroom later, your clothes are back on, your make up is retouched, your hair is innocent looking and you are the only one knowing why you  smile happily and have a sudden boost of energy lasting the whole day.
Yay for power quickies !

best to be honest

2 weeks ago I had a huge surprise.
A former shagbuddy of mine just paid me a visit at the center. I was counting bottles of lavender oils to see if we should order some more, minding my own business, miles away from thinking about sex when I noticed a tall slim black man standing silently a few feet from me. Looking up at him I felt my heart jump.
Byron !
Byron, lovely, romantic, sensual and adorable Byron !
Yay !
I rushed in his arms for a great bear hug. So happy to see him again.
He is back in Zurich and thought we might catch up on gossips. In the tea room where I usually have my breaks, Byron told me what he had been up to for the past four years since he left. Back packing through Europe, meeting great people, reading ancient litterature, learning more foreign languages. As I listened to Byron, I realised that I had really liked him although I barely noticed when he left. Why did he leave already ? Oh yes I remember now, I was too dispassionate and noncomital for him. He was too smart and definetely too decent for me. When the topic turned to me I found myself telling him about Martin and K, and how this  had made me even more determined to keep love out of my life and refuse to commit to romance and love.
Why did I tell him that ? What possesed me to be so honest ? Since when do I tell men my inner thoughts ? Did I like Byron more than I thought or is it because he took me by surprise and I had no time to put my armour on ?
He seemed unimpressed that my position in those matters had not changed in all those years, adding that I had more to offer than just that. ( I know ) I insisted that this is what makes me happy and he remarqued that it must be because I already done it all, marriage, love, raising children and the whole nine yeards. ( I know that too ! ) .
It was time for me to return to the center but I asked him to come over for dinner when he has time, he answered he would think about it. As I wanted to give him my number he gave me his and whispered softly that he already had mine. What ! He has kept my number all this years ? Why ? Who does that ? Does he still like me ?
I gave him a chaste kiss on the lips, whispering I want to see him soon, before waltzing back to work.
It felt wonderful Byron wanting me again but I may have made a mistake by being too honest.
2 weeks and a couple of texts later, we still havent gotten together and I wonder if maybe he might have hoped that I would be ready for something more substantial by now and I blew it by declaring im not.
Byron is just to good to be lied to and if Im losing an opportunity to sleep with him because I told him im still me.......I shall accept that.
If one night he decides to take a walk on the wild side, at least he will do so knowing what to expect.
I guess it is best to be honnest after all.

The key to my happyness : no love just great sex

Last night I run into an old sexfriend of mine who is also someone articulated and stable who  always knows exactly what he is doing at any time. We had a wonderful, sizzling hot evening of beyond wild sex together, he gave himself to me so completely that if I didnt know better , I might have mistaken this for feelings. After a couple of hours of deep french kissing, fondling, licking, humping insanely, giggling at each other and humping again, fusing together deeply and humping again passionately , melting in each other and humping again.......and again.... and again. After a couple of hours of this, he fell on top of me, holding my hands waiting for his heartbeat to go down then sat up, looked at me and smiled.
-This was absolutely....
-I know,I smiled back. I thought I had a wolf between my legs, did I hear you growl at some point ?
He noded with a big wide grin :
-Wow, I mean wow !
-I giggled and said : U know you have a really great smile, I love your smile
He smiled some more and whispered :
-I love everypart of you
-How come it is always so fantastic with you ? I have a tendency to get bored quickly with blokes but not with you, I purred.
-Same here, he flirted, this thing between us is ecxeptional, how long has it been ? 9 years ? and you still glue me to the ceiling ?
I came closer and kissed him softly, he closed his eyes and pretended to growl again, we bursted out with laughter. It occured to me that he had a plane to catch in 2 hours and maybe this was for the best.
Im not going through this again. Falling for the perfect lover.
-Do you want me to drive you to the airport ? I offered as I unstraddled him.
-Nah, he declined politly, I will call a cab, there a few things and a couple of calls I need to get done before my flight.
He had a shower before getting dressed and I still lingered on the messy bed half naked watching him.
This was getting too cozy, I needed to take out some romance and put back some casual into this.
As he was fully clothed and picked up his overnight bag, he bent over to kiss me.
-I like you better when you are naked, I whispered in his ear.
.Hmmm I look forward to fucking you again, he purred seductively.
Did he feel it too ?  That this was nearly perfect, way too good for comfort ?
However, he and I are exactly on the same wavelength and understand each other perfectly. I am not letting romantic love back in my life, not as long as I am the boss of my sexlife, the boss of my life, After a long scented bath where I could recall the many hottest moments with my abroad lover and not a single scary, ugly, worrying one, I realised that maybe this was the key to happyness. A great man who comes in, with no agenda and no demands whatsoever, gives me his body and takes mine, and leaves after a good cuddle. This is what makes me happy, to be able to focus on the beauty of a sexual connection without worrying about the agony of love. As I woke up this morning and switched my mobile phone on, I found two empty texts from a number I dont know. Oh dear !
That exactly what Martin used to do to reconnect with me. Not a chance, I thought, Im the boss of my sexlife, very happily so and im not letting you back in.

The privilege of being single

Tomorrow Valentine shall be upon us again with its usual consequences. Smug arrogant married women or those in long term relationships will look at single women condescendingly and sigh
" oh dear ! You are still alone ? no rose or candy for you yet ? "
Let me explain what happens when you are a single woman.
ALL YOUR OPTIONS ARE OPEN !
The sky is the limit. You want to get laid, you seduce someone and you get laid. You don't want to get laid, you don't. You need not do stuff against your will for fear of losing him. Being single means being totally free, completely in charge of your life. So what if you don't get one yearly attention on that day ? You can get plenty attentions any other day of the year. Don't you find it terribly unspontaneous to know that your man has to be nice to you that very day for the sake of tradition ? How boring is that ? What about the rest of the year ? Does your man help you rearing the kids ? Does he do his share of housework ? Does he get the trash out and fold the clean laundry ? Does he comfort you when you don't feel good ? Does he give you orgasms regularly ?
In other words.... does your man treats you well all year or does he make a fake effort only on Valentine day ?
There you have it. To all my friends and readers who are single for one reason or another I will say this : It is ok to be single on Valentine day !
Like me, make a point of not accepting a date on that day and claim the privilege of being free.
If Valentine is the celebration of love. lets remember that there are several kinds of love. Send Valentine greetings to your sexfriends, to your ex spouses if you are still friends, text valentines messages to your grown kids, to your friends, to people you admire or appreciate in a non sexual way.
Above all, have fun. Treat yourself. I am treating myself to a movie, a chocolate dessert and a comedic dvd at home later. I usually get lots of texts from family and friends and a few past and current lovers, but it will be ok whether I do or not. I am going to celebrate being alive, well and free.

Got laid big time this morning ! Yay

Ever since the year started I didnt like any of those who made a pass at me and we all know I would rather have no sex that bad sex or average sex. Therefore I had not  had any yet ....However....... this morning my blackberry beeped at 7am with a text from my favourite shag buddy Igor.
-Wanna have breakfast ?
Breakfast ? I thought, does he really think I am getting out of my fluffy warm bed just to have breakfast ? Whatever.
My blackberry beeped again.
-I wanna eat you out, thats what I am having for breakfast, what do you want  to eat ?
Wow ! Now he is talking !
Within ten minutes I jumped out of bed, brushed my teeth while texting him
-YES YES YES  NOW !!!
I showered , combed my hair, fluffed my pillows, threw a gorgeous red spread on my messy bed, put some condoms next to the pillows and lit up a couple of candles. When I opened the door to a very horny Igor he opened his arms and I just had to jump into them while wrapping my legs around his thorax. After putting me down,  Igor threw his clothes all over the corridor and showed me his magnificient hard on before stuffing it in my mouth. This is something I would never accept of a one night stand but Igor and I have been sexfriends for a number of years therefore that is ok with me. Getting off my knees I grabbed his manhood by the hand and led him to my bedroom. The sun was not up yet, red candles were shining and the scent of my new Chanel perfume was driving him absolutely crazy. Igor pushed me down on the bed and kissed my whole body up and down while I was already drowning in pleasure. That man sure knows his way around my body.
By the time we got to kissing passionately his body was dancing on mine and something slipped in somewhere without wearing a coat.
tss tss tss !
For a brief moment I felt such ecstasy that I screamed his name and almost forgot mine. Every cell in my being just lit up in a thousands little fires. He gave in for a couple of minute and asked if I took the pill, I thought about it for a minute and lied. Igor withdrew immediately and put a condom on so that he could get back inside quickly.
-You know , he whispered sexily, if you and I start going bareback we wont be able to stop and we might feel a little too good and we might get into trouble, you know ?
I know.
I know only too well, for  the last time I allowed  myself to feel a "little too good " I started losing control, I do know, and I refuse to have another Martin situation. Not wanting to go into details I just panted that he was right , that this would be wrong and would he shut up and fuck me now pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase.
The sex that ensued was absolutely torrid , wild but also slow, sexy, sensuous, sensual, with moments of madness. I felt so high that I avoided looking into his eyes and he into mine. Later on, after he went to work, I realised that making love without protection to someone you like is not only a health hazard for obvious reasons, it is also an emotional hazard for it makes the sexual connection so much stronger, it gives it a different meaning, takes it to a much higher level, add some sexy stares and post sex cuddles into the mix and you can be sure to lose control of the situation. This is how we lose our power, this is how men get to us. I really dont want to go trough that ordeal again so I shall carry on having glorious sex the way I like it, protecting my health and my heart with condoms.
Beautiful, magical sensation though.....
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