the passion of a smart and classy black man

Valentin and I had met at the movies while queing up for the bathroom. I had noticed this tall, casually elegant ,  well spoken black man as he chatted to some friends in the pop corn queue and couldnt resist glancing sexily at him. It has been over a year since I last enjoyed chocolate love and Im practically having withdrawal syndroms. The problem being I have seduced most black hotties in town except for the married ones, the gay ones , the thugs, and the ones I didnt fancy. I could of course have had a roll in the hay with Mike but he just is too unreliable and I keep turning him down when he tries asking me out again. I had almost given up when this beautiful ebony viril quintessence  of manhood cought my attention. Since I was at the movies with friends I didnt dare go chat him up openly but when I saw him waiting by the bathroom , I just had to bat my eyelids at him and ask how he liked the new James Bond. He happened to find skyfall to be the best of the 23 Bond movies, mmm a man who thinks like me. As the time came to return to our seats I just gave him my card and whispered seductively that we might go out for a drink and talk some more about James Bond or something, one evening. Valentin smiled cheekily and took my card without a word.
Did that mean yes ? no ? maybe ? I dont know ?
grrrr the suspense was killing me.
When he did call the following week I almost did cartwheels. We went out for drinks a couple of times, never aproaching the subject of sex. Slow worker maybe ?
Having had enough of that tension, I decided the third date would be a coffee at my place. When Valentin arrived, ten minutes too early, I had butterflies in my stomach, I wore a short denim skirt with an elegant white shirt and black high heels, it said " sexy but not slutty, elegant but horny".
After we had coffee and talked about foreign politics for ever, he also happens to be very articulate, I asked why he was here, he wiggled out of it with a philosophical joke but I looked him in the eye and declared that I had stocked on condoms and that if it ever occured to him to make love , I might be opened to it. While I said this , I took a huge black hand and rested it on my thigh, cupping his face with my hands. And the magic happened !
Woop woop woop ! I cant believe I made it so long without a black man in my bed ! The passion of his love making was overwelming, the gentleness of his gestures was almost caring. Whenever I said I didnt like this or that I loved that, Valentine immediately changed what he was doing till I was purring again.
A man can listen ? This one sure can.
At some point he stared into my eyes and asked when my last fuck had taken place, since this wasnt the moment to argue I just said end of january, my last time with M. Why would he ask me that ?
He did fish for compliments that he really deserved. I hadnt had that much fun in a long time. What I liked the most about him is that he made sure I came before he did. It was not a competition to him, he just wanted to make sure he was making me feel as good as he felt. Impressive , right ?
When we were done, we just cuddled and talked. He seems to ask a lot of questions but he does it in a very smart way, it doesnt feel like a third degree. However I had to giggle when he asked whom was the better lover between him and my last bf. How do you compare ? they are both brilliant in different ways. I just said each man is unique and has something wonderful to offer, he seemed to accept that. I look forward to my next hot chocolate love session, yum yum !

on fire !

after a stressful day at work I was looking forward to a long shower and curling up on the sofa with my cat in front of a funny movie BUT my favourite shagbuddy of all time rang to say he had had an awful day and wanted to unleash all his sexual energy on me. Decisions, decisions. What shall I do ?
Long shower and mind numbing tv OR hot hot hot sex with Igor ?
What would you have chosen ?
I jumped into a pale green kimono after a quick shower, fed my darling cat and put on some Marvin Gaye music.
As soon as I opened the door to Igor on fire , I knew I had chosen wisely. He swept me off my feet, ripped my kimono off my body and kissed me with a hunger I had seldom tasted on him. Igor and I stumbled in my living room and made out heavily on the dining table. What is it with guys and dining tables anyway ? If this piece of furniture could speak.....
Sex with Igor was slow and sexy, then wild and out of control, then gentle, then crazy again. Just what I needed, 3 orgasms in an hour , last one happened at the same time as Igor's ! It had been many months since I had come as intensely. Afterwards we stepped out of the shower and talked about how fantastic this primal sensation of catching fire at the same time had been. It felt as though we were not people but just elements of nature completely atuned to the univers but not knowing our names or where we were. We became, for a short moment, pure energy. Im surprised Igor went through the same at the moment I did, he reckons it could happen because we actually trust each other sexually so this is what we can achieve even if we are not in love romantically. See ? Thats exactly why Igor is my favourite of all time. He doesnt pretend to be in love nor to want more. He is very clear about what we are doing together. Why oh why arnt all men just like Igor ? Pure pleasure and no bullshit.

You dont need to be in love to have orgasms !

At last !  My favourite shagbuddy Igor and I had a fabulous romp last night. I had turned Igor down  a few times lately but last night, I was in the mood and very much delighted when he accepted to come over after my call. Igor walked in, swept me off my feet, gave me big slopery kisses while taking his shirt off. Undressing a guy in my hall,  seconds after he walks in , is so much fun to me !
We stumbled all the way to my bedroom while kissing, fell on the bed half dressed and fireworks were on. Igor was on fire last night.  He didnt bother say that he had missed me and neither did I. None of those hypocrital stuff, Igor knows I dont go for time wasting lies and banalities.  We just focused on giving each other a good time or should I say a really really great time. After nearly two hours of mind blowing sex and a couple of orgasms, Igor and I just fell back on my pillows to catch our breath. As hot Igor was spooning me,  I was basquing in the aftermath of  coming so hard when I remembered how Martin and I use to lie down and look at each other lovingly,  post sex, I was really annoyed at the thought and pushed it away.  When Igor went back home , we hugged and said thank you for a magnificient screw, I remembered how Martin and I used to french kiss goodnight endlessly before he would leave. This time I embraced the thought and after Igor left, with a happy I-just-had-a-great-fuck- look on his face, I decided to agknowledge that what had happened before had happened and that was fine. Now when  I do compare, I do accept that it is better with feelings but the price is too high, Sure Igor and I did not lock onto each other and kiss lovingly for hours but we did give each other orgasms and when he left I felt good about myself. I enjoyed a long shower, had a hot chocolate, cuddled up with my cat and slept like a baby. I did not wonder when I would see him again, I didnt text him, I didnt relive each moment with him, Nothing at all. Imediate satisfaction without regrets nor consequences. The kind of sex I love ! YAY ! That's how its gonna be again from now on.
To those who still dont understand what im doing, I have one answer : You dont need to be in love  with whom you sleep with to have an orgasm ! or two !

There is no such thing as a painfree life

Nothing we can ever do will keep pain out of our life no matter what we do to avoid it.
We can more or less keep away from obvious impeding disasters, we may even do some damage control but we can never avoid pain alltogether and that is it.
28 years ago I suffered atrocious labour pain to give birth to my daughter only to end up having a caesarian anyway. I was so frustrated  that I demanded straight away to have a caesarian when I went back to have my son three years later. I thought I would spare myself the pain of long, useless labour. I bypassed the hated labour BUT I hurt anyway as it took me much much longer to recover.
When my last boyfriend Ismet, broke my heart by giving into a forced marriage and terminated our love, I hurt so very much I decided never to fall in love again in order to keep the agony of love pain away from my bruised heart. YET every ten years, one special man cleverly squeezes his way into my feelings only to try and rub my face in it. It isnt heartbreak painful but it is still frustrating and sadening.
When my beautiful guinea pig Speedy died many years ago I swore all animals off, I never wanted to feel that crushed again. BUT what did I do a year later ? I adopted my  beloved cat Shabanne and she gave me three wonderful kitten. I knew that meant having my heart broken another four times in the future but I loved my cat familly too much to stop loving them  ( no regrets here ). I was devastated when Shabanne departed this world because of bone cancer and felt immense sorrows when her sons followed with kidney failure. The pain of their death was unbearable and I miss them to this day. I love her daughter T and take great care of her, giving her all my love unconditionaly even though I know this friendship will also crush me one day.
Two Christmases ago, I lost a friend of mine who was the salt of the earth, the kind of man you can only dream exist , a young man who was decent, honnest, open, tolerant, kind, exciting, smart and very attractive. This beautiful soul died on Christmas day with his fiancée in a horrible car accident, although driving in dangerous conditions was his favourite sport. He lived in utah  and I was stricken by this tragedy,I cried for days and I always remember my friend at Christmas.
I have never smoked YET, since 6 months I have a stupid condition that forces me to sleep with some kind of  machine at night in order to keep breathing when Im asleep. It is not painful per se but rather annoying at night, thanks Heaven I am single !
You see ?  So much efforts in every aspect of my life in the hope to escape pain YET the bitch always catches up somehow. Is pain necessary ? does it keep us humble and grounded ? Perhaps , but does it have to creep up when it is most unwanted  and unexpected ? Is it there to teach us something ?
Pain is unanavoidable, it is part of our life. I will just take it graciously and thank my lucky stars that it is not worse than it is , be grateful for the areas it is keeping away from.

They say I love you and they leave. WTF ?

Lately I have come to realise that the most dangerous words a lover can say to me are words of love.
Apart from the father of my children, whenever a boyfriend, lover or  shagbuddie says they have feelings for me, that they like me a little too much, that they think they could fall in love with me, that we couldnt kiss like that unless we were connected in some way or that they love me......my whole body prepares for the worse because it is exactly what happens next !
Why cant someone  just say they like me and carry on seeing me ?
Why do they have to complicate things with pretend words of love ?
I have never asked a lover to say they love me,  not ever. I occasionally thought that it would be nice for some people to say it at some point but I always controlled myself and swallowed my words before I could do some damages. If I can do this why cant they ?
How annoying is it that each time a lover start some kind of declaration it is always the prelude to blackmail, breaking up or hysterics !
This year alone from January to July, this curse repeated itself twice within 7 months. Martin breaks up with me in bed and say he has feeling for me, K once mentioned possibly falling madly in love with me and dumped me by text a couple of weeks later !
Guys !seriously. Why do you tell people you love them if it a lie ? A big fat ugly lie, unrealistic illusions.
Don't I always tell you I don't want to hear rubbish or lies ? How often have I told all of them as soon as they start these love lies that there is no need to lie to me to get me in bed, just give me what I want already !
Give me lots of mind blowing sex and do not, I repeat , do not talk about love under no bloody circumstances ! Ever !
Next time a lover say they love me I shall just jump out of bed and break up myself.

my way just works better

I may have been a little absent lately and I am back now richer from an amazing experience. Nearly 4 months ago I met someone wonderful and I have allowed myself to relax more than I usually do. At the same time my daughter told me while we shared a yummy pizza than she was beyond fed up with my refusal to commit. There are some great people around , she said, how can a loving person like you constantly turn down chances of something more substantial than just " cheeky cheeky boom boom ", her words , not mine. Since I have the highest respect for my daughter's opinion I opened up about my new lover being so extraordinary that I might actually be tempted not to be naughty. My daughter was delighted and even wanted to meet that wonder. My new lover is sane, articulate, caring, considerate, educated, sexy and smart. We have had nearly 4 months of absolutely fabulous sex, without any cheating at all, I kept turning every single offer down, even from really cute guys.  We would have great conversations, sharing thoughts and opinions. We were on the same wave length intellectually and even my cat totally approved. I was so enjoying that new found intimacy that I did  something I had never done with a lover before, I always keep my writing a secret from anyone I date but this time.... I basically handed my new lover the key to my mind. Reading my book and my blog was quite a tool to know how to handle me right. This took a lot of trust on my part but I took the risk anyway, suspecting I might get my ass kicked someday but it didnt stop me at the time. I always knew there was a heinous, hysterical  ex lover whom might be a threat to us some day but I never thought it would come so soon. Faced with a choice that I always knew might come, my lover opted for the past rather than the present. For tyranny rather than sweetness.
Why would someone settle for non love when they can have sanity and fun ?
Do you get my frustration and disappointment ? If someone else ever breaks up with me again saying I am " too good,  so strong, so this and so that,"  I swear I will slap them hard !
My point is I have had 2 wonderful affairs  that have confirmed big time that my way is best.
Last year I had this lover Martin with whom there was  passion but no communication at all, I allowed myself to give in ever so slightly  and got screwed in the end. This year I had this lover K with whom communication flowed freely and happily, the best ever. I opened up completely, and gave that person all the things I had refused Martin  last year and..... I still end up screwed anyway  !
Is this a huge cosmic joke or what ?
I have learned my lesson ( twice ) , and will get back to my old ways. fuck trust and fidelity, long live fuckbuddies and one night stands.
My way, being the boss of my sex life, my way is THE best way.

Why dont men listen ?

Why dont men ever listen to a word I say ? Everytime I date a new man , I always state very clearly what I want and what I dont want. No relationship, no strings, no faking love, no interfering my life or his, just great sex using condoms. Those who dont like the sound of that, just run. Fine.
Those who accept my terms stay and date me for weeks, months and even years.
Am I unreasonable to assume that if they do date me for a while, it might mean that they actually heard what I said on the first date and processed it ?
Then, why oh why , do they all end up doing the opposite of what we had agreed upon ? At some point they blackmail me into having a real relationship, living together or having kids. I refuse and they leave. Im so tired of the same charade repeating itself, what is it I say or do not say clearly ? A woman trying to change a man is always dubbed hysterical and stalky, a man trying to change a woman is just being a man ? Bitch please !
Crazy Angelo with whom I had an affair a hundreds years ago and broke up with me, actually facebooked me last week reminiscing and regretting walking away, apologized and asked if we could try again ! Nothing could have surprised me more , but I gently refused, he asked if we might have a drink somewhere, Crazy Angelo did not listen.
My number one stalker Karim , regularly has episodes of stalkisms where he keeps ringing and texting, asking when and where. Somebody tells me which part of   " stay the fuck out of my life, I want nothing to do with you " Karim doesnt understand.
Karim did not listen.
Mark, a gorgeous yoruba that also broke up with me because he decided I was girlfriend material but I reminded him that I warned that I am not, had not listened the first time and walked away with his nose up. Mark has tried to get back into my pants rather forcefully this month, calls, showing up in my shop with a girlfriend to try to make me jaelous, texts and ultimately another visit in my shop to talk me into letting him into my life again. I reminded him of why he had left, he said he will now accepts my conditions because I was really sweet and he missed my touch. It took four heated discussions for Mark to let go. He was not listening.
During my arguing with Mark, I asked him what is it he had not understood when I said on our first date that there would be nothing else that fabulous sex and a few giggles, did he remember that talk ?
He did.
Then why was he not listening to a word of it ??????   
Why did he not get what I said???????????
Why did he try make me do something I clearly said I would not do ???????????
Why had he not listened ????????????????????????
Mark thought about it for a while and he answered quite seriously :
-I dont know.
He did not know ?
He did not know.
Dont you just hate it when men play stupid in order to avoid a conversation ? Me too.
So if I understand men, when they have a good fuckbuddy they want the love and care of a relationship, When they do have a relationship, they get bored and long for the hot touch of a no string attached lover. And when you ask them why.....they dont know !
Im not sure if I should cry or laugh but I am accepting that men and women do not speak the same language, which is why it is so important to keep the power of our sexual freedom to fight them.

some men are like crack

Some men are like crack. Impossible to get rid off. Highly addictive straight away, extremely toxic and they cost a lot. Im not talking about money here, Im talking about what such men cost in terms of time wasted feeling sorry for yourself, thinking endlessly about the situation without ever finding acceptable solutions and obsessing over him when he is not around. Im talking about the nervous cost when you are crying or feeling worthless, wondering why he treats you the way he does and why you allow it. Im talking about thoughts of him distracting you while you are at work and getting in the way of your real life.
Some men are like crack. You are fully aware that he is bad for you and will prove destructive in the long run yet.... you just cant stop helping yourself to your regular dose of him and a little more. Each time he looks at you lovingly you tells yourself that maybe he is not so bad after all. Each time you have fabulous sex you just give in and put your brain on hold. Each time he holds you for a post sex cuddle you forget all your resolutions and you just  know you will do anything to keep that. Each time he switches back to asshole mode you decide this is the last time he will ever hurt your feelings again and each time he walks away, you tell yourself it was the last time you gave him an opportunity to be a pig.
There ! You made up your mind. The bitch is out of your life................................ But he keeps calling. He keeps calling and he keeps texting. He might even turn up out of the blue. He keeps reminding you of how wonderful he makes you feel, how he makes your head spin with his kiss. By now you have dated other men, worked on projects, moved on....but.... your body still craves its crack/man, You convince yourself that now you are strong enough to play without fallingback into that bad habit and you make the terrible mistake of tasting that highly addictive, bad bad bad crack/man one last time and..................you are hooked again !
Anxieties, deceptions and insecurity return to your daily life and off we go again for another round of misery with this  really hot but inapropriate, highly desirable but so dangerous, cuddly but prickly wrong wrong wrong guy. I compare this a lot to coming off addiction because this is how it feels, you know that stuff/man is toxic beyond belief yet you keep doing this to yourself. Even when you have weaned yoursel of it you still have some moments of crave when you contemplate giving it one last go. You will have flashbacks and there will be a million little things reminding you of crack/man and good times shared together but if you go back you will endanger your whole future.
When a man is wrong for you, he is wrong for you. What makes him wrong for you ? age difference, bi polarity, weird religion, tough carreer, alcoholism, drug use, bad temper, his mother maybe ?  Who cares ? No matter what it is that makes him wrong for you, the fact is that wonderful man is poison when it comes to you, so lets make a comitment to ourselves not to have anything to do with the creep ever again before he destroys you. Of course you will be tempted, you cannot help it, but you can control how you will handle that temptation.
Delete his texts, mails, anything old and new. Refuse to have any contacts whatsoever with him and push away any thoughts of him. Toxic men will keep returning but some day their narcissism will take over and they will hunt down someone easier to fascinate.
Just like the best way out of alcoholism is total abstinence, the best way out of an addictive toxic man is having no contacts with him ever again. Ever.
Some day the pain and the temptations will be gone and you might giggle at the good memories of him.

What's with the baby craze anyway ?

A neighbour of mine, a surgeon in her late forties, started an affair with a consultant in his late fifties, five minutes later they moved in together even though she had a teenage son. They seemed to be happy for a couple of years but then he started to obssess about having a baby to the point that he hardly ever talked about anything else. How ridiculous ! At their age and already  having a young adult child each, what was the point or the hurry anyway ? His constant blabering ruined the quality of their relationship and she eventually left him. A friend of mine told me the other day that he always ends up being dumped by his girlfriends when they demand to have a baby and he refuses. At the age of 45 and having raised a teenage son, he considers his job is done and cant be bothered with bottles, tantrums and diapers anymore. I totally understand his position, why dont his girlfriends ?  I lost my favourite shagbuddy for this very reason, and it also happened to me when I was younger. It would seem some people figure that they must pregnate or procreate with each new significant lover. How irresponsible is that ?
I once turned down a guy who really wanted to date me by pretending I wouldnt date him because I had a boyfriend already, I liked him enough to let him down gently with a little white lie. His reaction was to ask me if I had any kids with my bf, else it was not a real relationship. What is that all about ?
A connection is a connection if you have a great time, tons of fabulous sex and whatever else feels good, wha do people ruin everything with the baby obligation ? Specially those who already have been through it. I have raised my children and now I am entitled to having fun. I know Im not the only adult in that case. So enough of the baby craze already !
 When a man or a woman tells you at the first opportunity that they dont ever want to have children , why try to change their mind and emotionally blackmail them ? This is a silly and very dangerous game where no one ever wins. If a child is conceived for this sad reason, he will not be loved, he might be abandoned or mistreated, at the very least ignored. You see ? No one wins.
Having a baby, creating a life, should take  even more important  thinking and planing than buying a house or studying for a degree.
This is not a tool to force a man to stay or a woman to submit. Babies are not tools !

romantic sex does not mean he loves you.

Discussing with an old friend today about our current lovers and how happy we are with them, the subject of past lovers came up. At some point Mirjam mentioned  Martin ( ex shag buddy ) must have loved me. What on earth made her think such a thing , I wondered.
Mirjam recalled all the the wonderful sex I had described to her and how he and I used to lock onto each other' eyes and cuddle endlessly post sex. To Mirjam this kind of romantic behaviour means he was in love with me. To me, it means we had great  sexual chemistry and more. He did admit he had feelings for me when we parted so I wont deny it, however he never actually said those three words. Therefore my conclusion is .... when a connection between a man and a woman is so strong, when the sex is so magical that post sex includes romantic cuddles, loving gazing and endless spooning...it means gratitude for the joy shared together, it means he is fully living the moment , it means he is totally relaxed and maybe a little connected to you in that very moment... it means many precious things  BUT it doesnt mean he loves you.
You cannot know for sure that this means love until he shows it in more concrete ways.
Mirjam is making the classic female mistake to confuse sexual happyness for love. I should know, I almost fell for it myself. Men know exactly what it is, most women dont and I admit it is really hard to tell the difference if you are not the boss of your sex life.
Ladies, stay on your guards when he is wonderful post sex too. He might be romantic and cuddly but he does not mean that he loves you.

What is the perfect lover ?

What makes the perfect lover perfect ?
What is a perfect lover ?
Let me share with  you what a perfect lover is to me anyway.......Sexually speaking this person rocks your world in and out of bed. Not only gives you fabulous romps but gives you exactly the kind of sex you love, as much of it as you want. He or she finds out slowly and sensuously what makes you moan or not, observes what makes you come hard and what makes you scream. Such a lover makes sure your needs are met before theirs. They give and give and when you return their caresses it turns to a fabulous feast of exchanging mind blowing pleasure till you drop in each other arms marvelling at what you have given each other.
Afterward it is cuddle time or talking time, or both.
You look at each other lovingly, no one is in a superior position, you feel entirely equal to each other. Domination is nowhere to be feared. This kind of lover never blackmails you sexually, never plays silly mind games and never tries  to take advantage of you showing your vulnerability. This person is smart, articulate and always gets your meaning.
You feel cared for and you glow in a circle of trust with your lover.
Socially.... he or she makes you feel very wanted but never stalked. Charming calls or texts to let you  know that they think of you,  make you feel warm inside but never threatened. That kind of lover actually listens when you talk and might surprise you with little treats out of the blue. If he or she can cook, love animals and has a solid sense of humour then I would say you caught yourself THE most perfect lover in the history of perfect lovers.
Someone who accepts the way I live and doesnt  want to change me. Someone who doesnt want children or living together. Someone who never pressures me for anything, someone I can be myself with and talk freely without calculating risks and fearing some  weird over reactions, without holding back all the time. Someone I am not afraid of and is not afraid of me.
That's what I call the perfect lover.

Finding great sex where you are not looking for it

Today at work, my boss surprised me with a huge bouquet of beautiful flowers. I couldnt believe it when she said they were for me. I started working at the center exactly ten years ago today ! How classy of her, I had totally forgoten. As I walked home with my wonderful velvety looking flowers in my arms I reflected on what working ten years at the center has done for my social life. A lot.
I have made some mates I still socialize with today. Formed some solid sexfriendships that are still on today, almost fell in love twice. I had many interesting conversations with really good people. I have on occasion helped women with bad men problems or councelled teenagers who couldnt talk to their parents, encouraged those who needed it and comforted those who sought solace.
Last but not least I have met many gorgeous strangers who gave me all sort of sex. Dangerous, mysterious, exciting, wild, dirty, quick, long lasting, experimental, loving, and really beautiful sex.
Working there, I found tons of fabulous sex when I was absolutely not looking for it.
Who knew I could get some of the best sex of that decade by standing behind a counter in that little center, not even in the most famous part of Zurich. Not only was it a sound business decision but it did wonders for my dating life. It would have been so frustrating to work here had I not been single !
The crasiest, most incredible but also loveliest men of Zurich all walked in to ask about a product on the shelves and walked out with the promess of a fabulous sexperience with moi !
Who needs to go cruising in bars ? I just go to work, lol.
What an incredible ride this has been. Here is to the next ten years of madness, yay!

How do single dads manage to date ?

My shagbuddy Igor has attempted twice to get with with me last week but I had to turn him down because I really had no time at all. Between a very busy schedule at work and familly activities plus a couple of cultural ones, I simply did not have time to get bouncy with Igor at all. He even suggested a quickie because of my lack of availability but I think he is way too yummy for a quickie.
Igor has to be enjoyed, felt, devoured and consumed.
I might have made an exception for someone new but Igor and I have been playing together for years.
However , his instance made me wonder how come he had no one else to turn to. Igor is certainly sexy and confidant enough to go cruising for a one night stand. He is attractive and smart enough to have a relationship, not to mention a lover or two as well as another fuckbuddy. Then what was the problem ?
It occured to me that it cannot be that easy for a single dad to date around. When you are single, or like me single with adult children, whatever you do will mainly affect you and you alone, as long as you protect yourself with condoms. If you date a bad person, you can just break up. If you deal with a psychopath you will have to suffer stalking. If you date a lovely drama queen , you will have to suffer rejection. But mostly, you will be handling the consequences, no one else but you will hurt. Who cares ?
It is an entirely different matter when you have young children still depending on you, like Igor and his two little boys. A single dad, just like a single mom, needs to be extremely careful in selecting bed mates.
You cannot take a crasy person home, cannot take the risk he/she will refuse to leave before daylight. What if your kids walk in on you doing the deed ? What if this person returns when the kids are alone with the sitter and makes a scene ? Or introduce themselves as your GF/BF ? It is just impossible to explain the concept of one night stands, sex-friendships and sexual needs to kids. Even harder to explain it to your ex spouse. That's for the worse case scenario, now imagine all goes well, single dad meets really nice girl, they have a relationship and he even introduces her to his children whom in time will get to like her too. Now, something or someone else happens and they break up. What do you tell the children ? How do you explain this person they just learned to trust is no longer welcome in their home ?
This must be so confusing for them, This is why, as a single mother, when my children were still young and vulnerable, I chose to remain single at all cost. I never took a man home and never talked about my one night stands or sexfriends in front of them. At some point my children even started to ask my friends if I were gay ! I welcome the lesbian way of life if it means I am not burdened with a man telling me what to do, I do think these ladies have a point. That brings us back to Igor.
He knows he can trust me, I have occasionally seen him drive his boys to school and I pretended not to know him so that he would not have embarassing questions to answer. He cherishes my discretion and he shares my taste for compartimentalising everything in many boxes. That's why he would rather have his naughty ways with little old me, lol, than go cruising for a potential danger.
Not easy to have a great sex life when you are a single parent. We women know what to do but it seems to be a tad more complicated for single daddies, repeat after me : Awwwwwww

Spring makes all feel amorous !

After the siberian winter that also meant sexual desert for me and many people I know, we are now starting to feel alive and sexy again thanks to the beautiful weather. Sunshine warms our skin, stimulates our Hypophises through our eyes and vitamin D is running havoc. Yummy ! About time !
This week I have been hit on three times, went on a couple of dates and had a lot of fun. I havent actually had sex yet as I am still getting over a really bad cold but those dates were never the less romantic and full of sexy promises. I had a good giggle when and Italian customer told me that his name was " encora "  which means "again" in Italian. I laughed and laughed and asked if he didnt get lots of silly jokes with a name like again, encora. The joke turned on me when he spelled his name : a-n-c-h-o-r-a.
Noooooo ! Spelled like this it does not mean again at all, anchora means the anchor of a ship ! No sexual misunderstanding at all. I was beyond embarrassed when I blushed while apologizing and he said , he will forgive me if I go for a coffee with him. Ambushed ! lol.
I have had so many Italians that I almost overdosed on them and I usually shy away because I know them too well. but at least this one made an effort to make me laugh so I  might go on a date and eventually throw in a shag if he makes me laugh some more. There is someone else that I have been cruising for ever but who never gave and I am very much looking forward to getting to know this person better. Everyone walking into the center is smiling and charming, man I love it when the weather makes people feel beautiful in and outside ! Rooaaar !
I am so back and on top of my game !

The 10 yearly special man

Every ten years a special man manoeuvers himself into my life and rocks my world with some consequences.
When I was twenty, I met my Jake who became my first man, my first husband , the father of my children and a life long friend.
Jake is still absolutely worth it.
When I was thirty, I fell in love with Ismet, 8 years younger than me,  whom I consider to be my last serious boyfriend and loved me back so passionately for 18 months. He made me want to be a better person and I still feel the benefits of his love to this day.
Ismet was so very worth it.
When I was forty, a portuguese alcoholic bartender called Carlos , 14 years younger, forced a tumultous and insane , rocky relationship on me for an entire year before leaving me humiliated and embarrassed.
 The only good thing that came out of it, is that my children realised I was a woman and not only good old mom.
Carlos was absolutely not worth it and I regret the whole mess.
When I was fifty I met Martin, 20 years younger than me, who gave me tenderness and mixed feelings for 15 months. He showed me what loving sex was even though I had given up on it. I have no regrets but I will be carrying on being the boss of my sexlife because that is the life style that makes me happier.
Martin was really worth it.
What an incredible ride !
That means I get to have another decade of naughty fun, yay !
 But do you think I shall have a love story with a forty years old as I reach sixty ? He will have to be some kind of intense fruit cake to fit MY standards and top his past competition. lol

Happy Valentine to my fellow singles ! Muah !

Each Valentine the same nonsense happen. Some people who dont truely know me, look at me condescendingly and declare thats its too bad I dont have a partner because I wont get a rose and a card. Not to mention those who advertise that their man will actually come home early and give them a good shag on Valentine. Seriously ? People like this really think they should feel sorry for me ?
How sad is it that a woman has to wait for Valentine day to get some attention, floral or sexual, from her partner ? I am happily single and get laid so much more than most women in relationships. Flowers and candy come to me all year not on one yearly event. I am happy for couples who really have lots of loving fun on Valentine but I am asking smug arrogant  and otherwise ignored bitches to leave us single gals alone with the pretence that you are better off that we are.
Being single means total freedom and having all your options opened all the time, so please do not be sorry for us we sure are not. I know a few couples in love who really get in Valentine and it is wonderful for them. However my idea of a great Valentine is a quiet evening at home with my beautiful cat purring lovingly by my side while I stuff my face with my favourite home cooked dinner, watching some funny romantic comedies. Friends and familly will text cute messages, perhaps a shagbuddy or two will as well, that is quite enough for me. I have fun and sex all year around, not just when the calendar says I can. I make a point of not having sex on Valentine day, to me it means more if a friendship thing rather than a lover thing. On my Valentine week I shall have 2 great sex dates and a couple of wonderful girlfriend dates, tons of chocolate and probably a long long soak in my bubble bath. How Valentiny is that ? taking loving care of myself ?
Happy Valentine to all of you from my cat and I, Muah !!!!!!

Love comes in so many forms.

Dear readers, just wanted to let you know that I am back.
I was reminded of what love feels like and I am very grateful for this  extraordinary experience which I shall cherish always. But as well as humbling me and teaching me how essential it is to have love in my life it also confirmed how happy I am to be single. Yes I have enjoyed all the perks of a relationship  but I have strongly disliked all the little dramas of it.
I acknowledge that we cant live without love but I have chosen to bypass the love of a man and be the boss of my sexlife aka my independence aka my power aka my happiness.
Yes I miss the intimacy but I don't miss the tyranny. Sure I miss the magical love making but I don't miss the having to always look fabulous and make up romantic decorations. Too much work if you ask me. Of course I miss the familiarity but I sure don't miss having to explain and to hold back and to lie to protect myself. I am so relieved not to be afraid of losing him anymore. It is so nice to just put on flannel jammies, face cream  and switch my phone off for the night without leaving it on so that he could call any time. How liberating not to have to tidy up my apartment everyday or to not hesitate accepting another invitation during the weekend because he would surely turn up and get upset for days if I said not today.
My privacy has returned ! woop woop !
Love comes in so many forms, I don't need to be dominated or vulnerable to have love in my life.
There is so much love in my life as it is.
My family, my siblings and specially my grown children fill my days with love. I had tea with my quasi daughter in law this afternoon and I could feel her love for my son, this made me feel like a million dollars. Just as I do when I watch my daughter's fiancé look at her with such adoration. I feel love for my friends when we confide in each other and support each other through tough times. I even feel love when I go to Church. I certainly feel love when I pray and when I read the Scriptures. I feel love when my cat wakes me up ever so gently with her innocent purring in the morning.
I love my dear friends, I love the father of my children. I love my profession that makes me help people and make them feel better. I feel love when I do voluntary work for people who really need it.
I listen to a Michael Jackson or  a Ray Charles album and I feel their love for the wonderful music they have so generously given the world.
My heart swells with love I think of my children and the lovely bond that we have.
Yes there is love in my life, all kinds of love, tons of love.
It is not the love of a partner BUT it is love never the less and it is enough to make me feel whole.
I am back, with more knowledge of the love I am giving up on, and I make a conscious choice of remaining the boss of my sexlife.No regrets there.
My terms, my conditions, my risks.
May love stay in my life always.

I was reminded of how love feels

Lately,  I have been reminded of how it feels to be in love.
The horrible parts were all the frustrastions, the untold truth, the secrets, the fears, the stress, the lies, the questioning, the mind battling, who is whom, who dominates, who is the dominee, the power struggle , the complications and the vulnarability.
The wonderful parts were to feel so comfortable with someone, to have the feeling I was fusing with him. I heard someone said that making love is when two people become one, and that was exactly what I was feeling. The familliarity, the private jokes, the incridible intimacy, being unafraid of showing myself emotionally naked even if I knew he would stub me in the back again, someday. The amount of tolerance and forgiving it takes to allow a man in my life had not been clear to me in years. Forgiving him for bitchy comments or weird actions just because I knew I was safe with him anyway. Putting a distance between us and giving him the cold shoulder each time he got on my nerves and watch him campaign to get back into my pants, was also a lot of fun. But what has impressed me the most is how he gave himself to me so completely, without limits ot taboos. I did not reciprocate because.... I just refuse to give my body so totally but whatever I denied him physically I made up for in emotions. We never fucked, not even the first time, we made love always, always. We locked on to each other's gaze while making love and even while making out and that is when sex became sacred again. I spent the last 15 years of my life desacralising sex because I wanted to keep it for my last man  and the power of it terrified me.
Yet, that young skinny white boy from eastern  Germany rocked my world on and off from september 2010 to January 2012. I did not even realise this was a relationship until it was too late, I found myself writing  about other men I slept with ( yes I was not faithful, I am after all the boss of my sexlife ! ) but suddenly, I could not publish about our dates anymore, I wanted to keep it private, just for me. Just for us.
It took a boy, who is not even my type of man, to gently force such a connection upon me.
To remind me of what loving sex is. Indeed I will humbly admit that sex with love is a nearly divine experience and I am grateful that I could be reminded of it.
When he 'd kiss me I could hear Michael Jackson sing, during our love making I even heard Church hymns sometimes. I struggled so hard against my feelings for him and so was he.
We never wanted this, it just happened.
My goodbye  present to Martin was to say that I LOVE YOU,  but I only admited  it because this was the last conversation we will ever have and he wont be able to do anything with that love.
It was a humbling and very emotional experience and I have no regrets at all, Loving sex is sacred, it is the St Graal of sex and Im so very happy to have known this once more. He was so worth it.

However, I still dont want it in my life because once again for  this  price is too high to pay. Sacred sex, magical love making that gave me tsunamis of emotional multi orgasms as well as physical ones is simply too much for me to handle. It is uncontrolable and irreplacable. I am not getting over my ex lover by getting under someone else straight away, I am going to enjoy the exquisite pains of love leaving my heart while lingering in my soul and cherishing that knowlege.
Martin did not break my heart, in fact he gave me wonderful closure and I am at peace with the memory of us, of what was,  and what might have been , had circumstances been different.
My next lovers are going to be one night stands or fuckbuddies only. I never want to go through this again, there is a reason why I live my life the way I do, and once again love kicked my butt. Give me time to recover and I will be the boss more than ever. : D
I might even use that pain to write a novel , lol

Cheating emotionally is still cheating !

Last night I had an unpleasant surprise. My favourite friend with benefits with whom I have this love-hate, on-off thing told me that he met someone while on hollidays abroad. He insists he did not sleep with her because he wanted to end our connection first. In his mind, he did not cheat because no sex was had, but I do say he did cheat because he has develloped strong feelings for the slut in only a week. How did this even happen ? We had a hot night before he left, he rang when he returned but for some reasons I didnt pick up. My little inner voice told me that he had met someone. I did not think of him all week as I got extremely busy and on friday night he texted again. My little inner voice told me to ignore him and I did. Last night I was getting ready to go to a friend's birthday party when he texted and this time I didnt listen to my inner voice. We texted back and forth, wished me fun at the party while he was going to get drunk at a concert. I asked if he wanted to meet later and he texted NO.   This is not his text manner at all but I decided he wasnt gonna spoil my fun and I went to that party. I was home around midnight still high on the great time I had when he texted to ask if I were still awake. I texted yes back and did my pre bed routine, brush my teeth, wash my face, cuddle with my cat, he texted 30 minutes later, and now ?
after another half hour he asked if he could come to see me. I was tired but someting told me I needeed to know what he wanted so urgently. He arrived dressed quite elegently, not his style at all. I could smell some beer and red wine on his breath and wondered why he had not done his usual considerate thing to chew mints before coming to me. We talked about his holls and my week and as usual we kissed and kissed and kissed till we melted together in fabulous sex, gazing at each others eyes, playing with my hair and kissing some more, the magic made an appearance. BUT.
After 15 minutes he was all done and pulled me into a cuddle. I still didnt understand he was getting ready to stub me in the back again. Silly me.
- I could have slept with a couple of women in Teneriffe but I did not. I did not cheat on you.
-Aha, and ?
-I wouldnt do that, I have never cheated on you.
-cool, and ?
We kissed some more and in the middle of a kiss goodnight he said :
-I met someone in Teneriffe.
I stoped kissing and steped back against a pillow.
-Did you screw her ?
-No of course not ! We only hanged out at the airport and talked.
-Then why are we talking about this ? Nothing happened right ?
-I really like her, in fact I want to live with her and start a familly.
-What ?
-I cant stop thinking about her, at night I just lay and wonder how she is doing ?
-You just squeezed your dick out of my body ten minutes ago, we are still wet and sweating in my bed and you lay on my pillows saying at night you will think of another woman ? HELLOOOOOOOO
What is wrong with you ? Are you retarded ?
-But I am just telling you the truth, I didnt want you to hear it from someone else. I like you enough to do this face to face instead of texting it.
Was the idiot wanting a medal ?
-OMG you are breaking up with me ! again. in my bed again, and post sex again ! Why did you sleep with me tonight when you knew you came to say its over ?
I still cannot believe he said what I heard him say.
-I really like you and I love to have sex with you. I just had to have you again. I knew that if I had told you before, you never would have given me your body one last time and I really needed to feel you again.  I took what I wanted, that's all, and yes I am a selfish asshole.
Even now those words havent sunk in. Has he lost his mind or was he always a cold calcuting S.O.B ?
-Since this is gonna be our last conversation and I need no longer be diplomatic with you let me ask you a few questions.
I asked him questions that had been on my mind about why he had said this or done that at such and such occasion and he answered every one of them. The results of this is, we were getting much too close for comfort and each time he did or said something bitchy , he was protecting himself from loving me. He went there to think about his situation with me and thats when he met this other person. He realised our age difference will begin to matter with time and I wont be able to give him children or be around in ten or twenty years as his woman. He didnt know what were. He is certain I love him and feels frustrated that I never said it, he knows that from the way we looked at each other when we have sex. And it is best to end things now before it is too late.

Ladies , I dont know about about you but I have hardly ever heard so much nonsense all at once.

At the end I confessed that I was starting to devellop some feelings and that it was going to be easier now that he was out of my life. He was astounded.
He was seriously starting to flirt with me but I was feeling like vomiting. Dude ! break up with me or dont break up with me but stop trying to get into my pants ! This body is no longer your play area.
At 4 am I asked him to leave and he was all charming and flirty again.
I thanked him for all the good time he had given me over 15 months and told him to please get thefuck out. He tried to kiss me at the door but kissed my hand instead. What a pity ! I had really liked him in bed.
There you go, lesson learned. I will never let another man anywhere near my heart again.
I have no regrets for this has been a truely beautiful connection and it has serve an important purpose, I did not know I coul still feel those things.... It was worse it.

Am I hurt ? My pride is.
Do I feel weird ? Yeah I feel so stupid for allowing things that didnt belong to a sex friendship.
Do I have  any regrets ? None.

Ladies...This book is for you.

the first man of 2012, yum !

Yay ! I got what I wanted. For my first sexual encounter this year, I wanted a special someone. I even prayed that I could have him as my first man this year. I even turned down two propositions because I wanted him to be my  first  man of 2012.
Silly, I know, but it is never the less what my little heart desired and my wish was granted.
Martin and I had texted throughout the day and when he suggested we had a " coffee " that evening I nearly did cartwheels. In order to surprise him I dressed up in black stockings and suspenders with pretty black lace lingerie. When he rang the bell, I went down to let him in at the main entrance and as he walked in, I opened my long black coat wide and flashed at him ! The look on his face was priceless, his jaw dropped and he looked around to see if anyone else was there and saw this. We giggled all the way to the lift and we started making out as we got in my appartment. My coat dropped, his clothes followed and soon we were making out like teenagers on heat. I know he has a thing for dining tables so I walked toward the living room , dragging him gently by his manhood and stood in front of the large table with a cheeky smile, wearing a black negligè and some black stockings with stilettos. He dropped to his knees to kiss my stockinged feet. He took  my stiletto off and sucked my toes while giving me sexy stares.
I will admit that it is hard not  to burst in a fit of giggles when he sucks my toes , but he loves doing it and he does it so good !
We had three hours of fabulous sex on the dining  table, against the wall, on the coffee table and eventually on the leather couch. We sat on the floor, drinking water from each other's mouths and we talked for a long time, that was extremely exciting to connect on many levels like this. As he was on his way out  I held him tight and he looked at me so intensely I though he was about to say something important but he picked me up and laid me gently on the couch for more sex. Yum.
It is always hard to let a man go after he has given me so much but the bonus is.... I can snore happily as much and as loud as I please after he leaves because my cat doesnt mind at all.

The last man in 2011 ! Happy 2012 !

Happy 2012 everyone ! How did you celebrate ? What did you do ? Or who did you do ? It doesnt matter if you partied in a noisy club or in private with a bunch of friends. It is ok if you were home alone or with your four legged friend watching comedies on tv. What really matters is to be whole and to feel balanced. Whatever makes you happy, whatever brings joy to your heart, that's what counts. On the 31st I went to this huge party in Montreux with my friend Bela and her daughter. Great 90's music and great giggles were enjoyed but Im sorry to say nearly everyone else got so drunk it turned into a puke competition on the way out. Why spend time putting on make up and selecting beautiful clothes and sexy shoes, if it is going to be ruined within a couple of hours with bad breath, melting make up, messy hair and laying on the dirty floor after passing out ? I get having a couple of drinks, but why drink and drink till you are sick ? Do you even taste your drink after the fifth  shot ? Anyway I was happy to go home to my cat around 7 am and wash the glitter out of my hair. My real celebration took place one night before when Martin called to say he was back in town and making himself pretty for me. At first I wasnt interested. I just wanted an early night and I was watching  " the note book ".
 As we kept texting he sent me a pic of his shaved and very erected manhood.
I still was resisting but the characters on television starting making out heavily...... He sent me a pic of his sexy mouth and wrote :  " are you missing this ? "
That was simply  too hot and I texted back : " come see me right now ".
And he was there 5 minutes later with a cheeky smile.
That night was magical, brought back many wonderful memories. He was romantic, cuddly and so gentle. We held each other and talked. He wondered why I get blocked up when we talk sometimes, it is as tough Im about to ask him a question or make a statement but I just freeze. Is that the case ? Maybe....
Martin wanted to take things slowly and I did at first but you cannot send me a picture of your dick and say you want to take things slowly with me, can you ?
Not wanting to ruin the beautiful romantic atmosphere of that night, I squeezed myself  out of his arms and put some music on. I treated him to a very slow and nerve racking strip tease that made him feel like the woolf in that famous Tex Avery cartoon. He enjoyed it so much that he forgot about going slowly. At some point he asked between kisses where I had learned to do that, I answered that it doesnt matter, I just know how to. Thats all. He insisted and stopped kissing long enough to ask why I know how to do this.  I batted my eyelids and flashed him a thigh, adding that the point is I know how to and this is all for him and nothing else matters. He stoped asking stupid questions when I unbuttoned his black shirt and covered  his thorax with small kisses.
Men ! Why do they ask such questions when we are being nice to them ? Who cares why we give torrefic blowjobs or how we move in bed ? The point is we do ! Thats all. If a lover really connects with me physically and gives me his best, I will like it so much I will do my best to give him as wonderful a time too. Who wants to know why ? Sex is one of the only time where we are truely free and unafraid. Please ! no more stupid questions to invite reality back in.
Sex with him on friday night was so dreamlike that I even wondered if he was trying to make me fall in love with him. He stared lovingly at my eyes and asked if there was something I wanted to tell him.
I knew it !
" Fuck me harder " is the answer he got. Not what he wanted to hear I guess. He switched from really romantic to raw and dirty and we had wild crasy sex on the large oak coffee table, on the leather sofa and mostly on the floor. Squeezing my bottock, pulling my hair, biting my shoulders, spiting on his dick and riding me furiously till he grabed my face, kissed me deeply and asked again :
 " sure there is nothing you wanna say to me ? "
err " more ? " Still not what he wanted but his cheeky smile meant he accepted that this was not going to happen and we switched back to making love on the dining table until he came so hard he screamed the house down before falling on top of me, snoring for a minute.
Messy hair, sweaty face, shallow breating and my red satin dress nearly torn and soaked from the soda he had poured on me to lick it off while playing. Bruised lips and dry throat, Yeap this has been a really sexy celebration of the year that was ending. So much nicer than watching strangers fight and get intoxicated in some club.
Later on after a shower and a million kisses I let him go, feeling so whole and so satisfied Im probably not going to get laid for a week or two. My body is still aching now and I need to sit slowly. My kind of sex ! Im so  very glad he was my last man in 2011, I wonder who will be my first man in 2012 ?
P.S.
Actualy Martin turned out to be my first man on 2012 and a couple of weeks later we had our last night together when he broke up with me but gave me wonderful sex and soothing closure. He had tried so hard to make me talk about my feelings and maybe I should have. I had no idea that Martin had feelings for me, let alone that he was struggling with those feelings. Our last night together was also the only real conversation we had about our feelings. I do miss him but I have no regrets and I shall get back on the saddle soon.