Dont tolerate harrasment from a psychopath.

Last night I had a really scary experience. One brazilian psychopath frightened me good and proper.
Last summer I had dated him for one week, first out of curiosity because I had never had a brazilian before and also because I was desperate to disconnect from my east german shagbuddy who was becoming more and more important in my life. When he crossed the line by ringing by bell unexpected in the wee hours of the morning and then refused to admit it, I realise he was very unstable and broke up gently and diplomatically. In july. We are now in december.
He did pester me on the phone and at the center practically begging me to sleep with him, sometimes threatening me when I made it clear that will not happen again. In the past couple of months he seemed to have understood and he left me alone, great was my joy .
Imagine my horror when last night at 11.15 pm I get a text from that stupid psycho saying he is on his way to my house now !
I was schocked and rang him to tell him off. It felt like talking to a brick wall.
I was doing my best not to sound afraid, which I admit I was.
I asked what was wrong with him, he said why ?
I coldly said that he cannot invite himself like this even if he is drunk or on drugs or on whatever, was he kidding me ?
He kept answering that there was no reason not to and that he would be there in 5 minutes, I screamed that no he wasnt and he repeated that he would be there in 5 minutes and that I better come down.
Then he put the phone down on me.
So we have someone who is not only delusional, rude, void of any sense of pride or dignity and lives in total denial. In other words someone very dangerous. Because if this goes to court his lawyer will plead temporary insanity.
Still I stood my grounds and put on a sweaters and some jeans in case the police needed to come. I was ready to call the police if he actually pounded on my door.
I also prayed intensely.
At 2 am I actually fell asleep with my phone still in my hand. Nothing happened.
Im not sure what happened but I hated it. Feeling threatened in my own home ? really ?
If this happens again I will have to involve the police at some point.
Ladies, if you have a psychopath stalker problem, whatever you do, dont let him into your house or your car. You never know what they might do. Just refuse them access to your body and to your place. It may not be enough to get rid of him but it is much better thant the alternative.
Be strong and dont tolerate harassment.

Nerds can be hot, who knew ?

I had the surprise of my life yesterday. After a flu and a bad cold, I had a three weeks dry spell. Shagbuddy number two would not go anywhere near me as long as I had this cold, and I absolutely cannot call back shagbuddy number one after I have been  ignoring  him each saturday for the past two months. I want nothing to do with my two former stalkers and there in nothing new on the market lately. Everyone is either married or taken.
The usual guys hit on me again and again but I really dont feel turned on by this as it robs me of the fun of hunting.
I  rang Mike, this really really hot nigerian that I hadnt seen in many months and when I sweet talked him into a date, he answered that now that he is 36, he wants to have a woman of his own. A woman who loves and support him, not just a playmate, and by the way it is my fault if we dont have a relationthip because this and this and this. I wished Mike well and grabbed my cat for a cuddle in front of a romantic comedy.
Bloody men !
Yesterday I felt so horny I even told a girlfriend at lunch that if I did not find anyone nice to hump soon, I would jump on the post man if I had to.
Finally I saw someone staring at me at the food counter where we were filling our plates. He looked like a older student, the kind who goes to school well in his thirties and still lives and dress like a college kid.
He was slightly taller than me, slim, wore glasses and had a sweet shy smile. What was I suppose to do with that ? He initiated a conversation about bio vegetables and I notice he had intelligent green eyes and a receeding hairline. Everyone knows I am not into smart men but I was desperately horny and he was something new. We exchanged numbers and he promissed to call later. When he did I pretended to want to show him this extremely interesting nutrition book and he pretended he really wanted to borrow it, right now.....
James turned up ten minutes after our phone call, he was parked right in front of my building. We had some tea and small talk, I wondered what I was doing since he was not all all my type of man. Everything about him screamed intellectual nerdy computer geek but......
But I liked the way he looked at me, with gentleness and his voice felt like a caress on my skin. I took the initiative to cup his face between my hands and kissed  him and  then.....fireworks started.
Undressing me slowly, kissing my body voluptuously, driving me crasy with desire and making it last. Wow, there is a lot to be said for nerds. Once the glasses were off, his green eyes were feasting on my face. After we climaxed together, I just laid there holding him in my arms. He cupped my breast and kissed my eyelids gently.  I couldnt help noticing that he had surprisingly rough hands for a man possesing such culture. James asked where I was and I did tell him it was funny how his speech and his look screamed office worker but his hands said farm labourer.
James giggled and revealed that he is in fact a surgeon ! He often needs to scrub and disinfect his hands and that what ruins his skin.
A surgeon !
Last time I dated a surgon I was so bored we didnt go beyong kissing and I found an excuse to leave.
James, however,  really does not look surgeony at all, with his black jeans and his laptop in a blue backpack. I always maintained educated men were lousy in bed but James changed my opinion now. He marvelled at being so relaxed and making love to a complete stranger in the early evening instead of focusing on his many responsibilities and working hard all the time like a good surgeon should, I pointed out that he is absolutely entitled to have some pleasure break occasionally, this should help keep him on top of things and stress free. As he left, he turned around for a last kiss. We know it is only a one shot but it felt soooooo good, especially after such a long dry spell. This morning I googled him and discovered that he said the truth, yeap some men do that, but he is bigger that he said.  Two  surgeries in two cities and he is so humble about it ? Nerds are definetely worth doing. Yay nerds !

selfish lover alert !

Hey everyone ! 
I have been revoltingly inactive these past few days. The reason for it is a nasty cold. Last time I checked, a big red nose and a manly voice did not help score new hotties in bed. I have spent time reading, promoting my own book and cuddling with my loving cat who purrs me into getting better and better every day. My east german ex bit of fun has been pestering me each saturday night, using the power of words to make me fall back into his drama queenness all over again.
But :
First I am not in the mood right now, cough, cough ! Second, I want something new to play with !
And even if Volker was the last sexy drama queen in town, I worked too hard to unglue him off me, to go in reverse now. Usually I dont even answer, unless he texts that he is on his way and I will tell a little fib to keep him away. This sunday however, as I awoke in a romantic cloud of menthol chest rub gel and nasal spray, I actually wrote back that I have a really bad cold and the only thing rising in my bed is my temperature.
What do you think he answered ?
----------------------------------------
That's right.
He answered nothing at all.
Even if I had been tempted to do something stupid like letting him back in my life or in my bed, this inaction reminded me that he is capable of monstruous selfishness. Therefore he will just have to carry on wanking off to my picture like he does when I turn him down, remembering my embrace when he still had access to it.
Is there something worse than a selfish lover ? Yes, falling for him again !
Someone who is the boss of her sexlife does not make this mistake twice.
nope,nope,nope.

The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else : )

We all know this saying, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Well it works but it requires some efforts on your part too. Of course if you jump on the first hot thing you spot while you still have someone on your mind it wont work at all. You will have fun at first but chances are you will have flashbacks of your former lover and even if you do manage to climax, you will be flooded with pictures and memories that will take away the pleasure you got from your rebound screw. At first, you need to think long and hard about the guy, why you want out of this connection. Why it is impossible for you to carry on seeing him. This may take a few days.
Once you are feeling good about severing that man from your lovelife/sexlife/social life/life and you even successfully managed to say no to him the few times he came back with his tail between his legs, pretending he didnt know he blew his chances with you. Only then , can you really apply this technique and fully enjoy it. That's where I am now. Walking away from my east German drama queen was not exactly pleasant, it was like quitting smoking or drinking , cold turkey.
You are fully aware it is bad for you but you still need the buzz. You convince yourself that maybe one last time wont harm. Just to comfirm that you are off the stuff. Just to show the S.O.B. what he has lost.
One last time.
But if you are honnest with yourself you do know that this never works. Ever.
As long as there is still desire there, as long as your body craves his hands, his lips, his....
Anyway, as long as you still want to screw him, keep away as far away as you can. Specially if he is being really nice, reminding you of why you had fancied him in the first place. Martin has done this to me twice now and it was my own fault for not telling him to f*** off.
Since that last desastrous night together, I realised he was taking too much importance in my life and gaining some kind of power over me. Therefore I decided to cut him off my sexlife.
Sure he is great in bed but he is not the only one. First I ran to my favourite shagbuddie Igor and had tons of hot sex with him. Didnt help much but at least I was too tired to think, lol.
Martin has made 3 attempts at seducing me back, he knows something is wrong but probably too stupid or too unsensitive to identify what it is.
Each time, I made excuse not to see him and I run to Igor to work some calories off.
Saturday night I hosted a lovely familly dinner, cooked my yummy almond filled mushrooms and some delicious meat and onion pies. There was so much love around, my cat kept purring and my son and his girlfriend were so sweet to watch, holding hands and kissing, My daughter and her man spoke happilly of their wedding plans. I felt so loved and so fulfilled.
Right after they left , Martin started texting and sexting me , non stop. I never answered.
I felt so good and so......balanced that I actually did not feel the craving this time, I eventually texted back with an excuse when he wrote he was coming over right now. I was cool about it and he was very flirty but I didnt care. But he kept texting till 1 am, even sending me naughty pics of himself.
I was pleased that he still wanted me, even blushed when he said that if I didnt let him see me tonight he would do it with his right hand. But I was delighted to have the last word and stand my ground.
Show you who the boss is, bitch !
Next day however I re read all his messages and felt so aroused I run over to Igor's place where we had really hot sex during which I had no bitch flashbacks at all !
Yay me !
That's when getting under someone else works ! Sure worked for me.

When you are single you have more time for yourself

Yesterday was my birthday, I am now 51 years old and still fabulous ! My bday celebration was wonderful but I will keep the details to myself. However I must share with you something one of my sister in law said to me. We were talking about my book and about the next one I am currently writing ( That will take at least a year ), my job, my familly life, my social life, my dating life, my practicing zumba and my voluntary work. Debbie said she swears she does not know how I do it. I get so much done and I even have time for hobbies and holls ! She doesnt know how I do it. I was smiling proudly when she added.... maybe it is because you dont have a man to look after ? lol.
I thought a lot about what my sister in law said and came to the conclusion that yes, she is right. It is because I dont have a man to look after that I have all that time for myself. Besides my 9 hours a day job and my couple of hour a week volontary work, I have so much time for me. I can go to a movie or eat some sushis in the street while queuing up for the bus. I can facebook or blog or watch telly all night if I want to. I can organize impromptue home dinners with mates or go on a date if I feel like it. My laundry is quickly done, my hoover doesnt demand to be fed everyday. Once my cat has eaten and my appartment looks a little civilised, I have no obligations whatsoever. Yay !
I really dont know what some single women are complaing about, there is so much out there that we dont have time to be lonely. And when there is absolutely nothing to do, I can actually rest or lazy around in my bubble bath.
Ever since I got Volker out of my head I have been blessed with waves upon waves of creativity and energy. I am not saying we should all be single but I am saying loud and clear that being single is a really cool way to live and I am not letting any men threatening that happyness.
Man I love being single !

Careful what we wish for

I think I might have been granted a wish yesterday.
Often I have thanked the Lord for this beautiful connection to Martin, aka shagbuddie number one and regularly I wished that I could distance myself from him emotionaly, this was going too far. His words began to matter and sex with him began to mean something. Not very apropriate for someone so proud to be the boss of her sexlife, right ?
We did not see each other for over 5 weeks and only spoke on the phone a couple of times. I was really missing him and at the same time wishing that the spell he put on me could somehow be broken. Last time he rang I did mention that he was welcome to call anytime, if he needed to talk, I hardly ever sleep anyway. After a complete silence for nearly 2 weeks, imagine my surprise when my phone rang at 2 am !
I was so tired that night, I had attended a seminar in Geneva and returned home at midnight. I fed my cat and jumped into bed, planning to grab 5 hours of sleep before catching an early train to Lugano for another seminar. Television as usual had nothing exciting on, so I closed my eyes around 1 am, willing myself to sleep with the help of my loving cat's purring.
She and I both jumped up as the phone squealed really loud in the midle of the night. It was Martin !
-Ciao, he said, I need to see you, are you awake ?
-Yeah, I mumbled sleepishly, how are you feeling these days ?
-Can I come and see you ?
-??????????????? Now ?
-You said that...
-I know what I said, of course you can, I answered, but not long because I got to get up at 5.30 am
-Oh man, that means you should be sleeping.
I thought about it for a minute and declared :
- Fuck sleeping, come on over.
-Are you sure you dont need to sleep a litle ? ( Hypocrite ! )
-I have missed you, I do miss you, even my cat misses you. Come over now.
And he came.
At first it was awkward, as I had no idea what to expect and how to handle Martin. Did he seek comfort ? Was he missing my embrace ? Should I offer him good sex or a cup of camomilla tea with pain killers ?
He is totally healed, with only a couple of slight scars left. That was fast, but he said it takes a lot to take him down since he has a very hard head .
I mentioned  Im a stuben hard head too and he went on about everything having a limit and even tough hard heads can break at some point.
I served him a glass of water and he was horrified, he gave me a long ecologist speech about boycotting bottled water and drinking tap water only because of this and that.
Oh dear , was it gonna be a boring conversation night ?
Martin held me close and whispered : I need tenderness tonight.
It occured to me that I had not created a romantic atmosphere and I was still in my Snoopy night shirt. Oops !
What did he expect at this time anyway ? I was only half awake.
Still, we sat and cuddled, my cat played with him for a while and went back into her basket to snore happily. We cuddled some more, talking about what had happened to him. I worried that his fall had taken place while we were texting, as that would make me feel guilty but he swears he cant remember a thing. Everything was nice and cuddly till he started kissing me passionately.
I was prepared to see the stars and it was an eclipse.
His mouth felt different last night and his kiss definitely did not make my head spin. I refused to believe this was hapening and kissed him some more to see if I would feel anything.
Nothing.
Nada.
Rien.
Niente.
His kisses, his loving glances, his wonderful touch, it was all there but the magic was missing. Where was the magic last night ?
On one hand I was so happy to have him back in my bed, I had missed him so.
But on the other hand.......I was wondering what he was doing here.
He had not slept in 24 hours, I imagine he must have been drinking since he stopped taking pain meds. I was beyond tired. He noticed I had not come and he wasnt pleased about it.
How embarassing !
I lied that I had but he knows my body too well.
He, however, did have a good time but Im not sure it was as magical for him as it had been all the times before.
Around 4 am, I felt like talking him into either sleeping or leaving. I wanted to talk but the words just wouldnt come out.
We played and played and he came at the exact time my alarm clock rang !
5.30 am.
Since I had to go soon, I  showered quickly and when I returned to my bedroom Martin was fully dressed  saying that now he felt better and was rushing  home to sleep. I cheekily asked if he would wait for ten minutes and walk me to my car. His answer was :
-Nope.
-What ? Did I hear that right ?
-No,  you are on your own.
What the fxxx ?
To my relief this did not hurt at all.
-I am not afraid to be on my own, I hissed, I know I am on my own, but you are here anyway, I have to go, so how about you walk me to the bloody parking lot and to my car, I might even give you a lift if you like.
He giggled some more and charmed his way out of it. He tapped his right temporal lobe and smiled that he is not fully recovered yet and sometimes acts funny.
( Doesnt he mean like a cold selfish son-of-bitch ? )
We kissed some more till he got into the lift and he did not even feel that my heart was not in it.  I blew him an air kiss goodbye.
As I closed the door behind me and went to the kitchen to serve my cat her breakfast I was pondering what had happened.
He comes in at 2am, gives me weird talk and a completely useless shag that was not worth losing sleep over. He knows Im going to work right now without any rest or sleep at all because of him and he cannot even wait ten minutes to walk me to the blooming parking lot ?
What a plonker !
I am not even angry, disapointed or hurt.
His words stopped having any weight for me, what a blessing !
It was about time that east German kid got out of my head.
I have wished for this, I have wanted this. I just did not know this would actually happen do quickly.
I have officially gone off Martin , yay !
This time we lasted seven months. I have no regrets for it was delicious, dangerous, crazy, gentle, tender and romantic.
But I do regret allowing him to get to me that much.
There we go, lesson learned.
Yoohoo I am once again in full control of my emotions. Screw emotions !
Screw feelings and screw compromises !
It feels so good being the boss of my sexlife !

The price of sexual freedom

Since shagbuddie number one has had an accident and wallows in self pity like the insecure weakling he is, he wont let me anywhere near him. Crying shame if you ask me but it does not mean that I should close my legs for as long as it takes him to decide it is safe to go back to the bad girl. In the meantime...... I have had a couple of hot one night stands with handsome strangers and a couple of hot sexy encounters with shagbuddie number two. However sexy and satisfying that it was....I cannot find the feeling of being treasured and wanted. I miss the adoring glances and the magical touch and gentle kissing of shagbuddie number one.
Is that the price to pay for my freedom ?
Settling for really hot sex without magic ? Is that the price to pay for my peace of mind, so I wont even be tempted to lose control and do something stupid like letting a man into my heart ?
I guess it is.
And although I have loved melting and fusing with Martin time and time again. Feeling these butterflies in my stomach is just not worth it.

why are men so scared to be seen bruised ?

Shagbuddy number one had been silent for a while and I wondered why. I have been very busy lately, replacing colleagues and doing my own work. I had not noticed the lack of communication. But when I felt like seeing him and he did not call back I thought something felt off. I texted him again and that is when he told me he had been in an accident. He spent a couple of days in intensive care and was ok now. Ok, with tons of stiches over his many wounds, a head concussion and pain in every single part of his body. I was sorry to hear that.
When I asked him why he had not called me, he answered that he was so much in pain that he just could not think of calling his mother or....a friend. ( I guess that would be me ). He was in pain as we were talking and talked a lot about how bad he was hurting, I explained that 4 years ago I had been very sick for a summer and the pain was so overwhelming that it was taking up the place of everything else in my life, the pain left no room for compassion, politeness or even decency. I told him that and he seemed to understand.
When I asked if I could help in anyway, if I could come see him, he sighed that he just wanted some peace and quiet. I thought I might make him some healing tea or help with his therapy or read him a book. Little things you do for sick friends. But he reiterated that he needs peace and quiet because all he ever does is taking pain meds and doze off to sleep in the midle of a sentence. He hinted that he looked nothing like the man I date, he walks around on with sticks and his face is so swollen and blue that little kids are scared when they see him. Who cares about that ? Why does he feel he can only show himself to me when he looks perfect ? Most men are terrified to show women that they can be hurt.
Who said a man has to be on top condition all the time anyway ?
Sure I am attracted to his bad boy charm and I like his normal looks but this doesnt mean I cannot be nice to a shagbuddy at a dark time of his life.
So he decided that it is ok to call him when he is awake but he wont show me his broken face and bruised body.
How silly can men ego be anyway ?
Can someone explain to me why men are so afraid to show themselves to the women they date when they are battered and bruised ?
Dont they know that our maternal instinct would kick in ?

no condom, no sex !

Last night I had a really unpleasant experience. I attended this jamaican party with a hottie who has been after me for months, I never had time for him until last night. I really wanted to go there with someone else but since the someone else had his nose right up in the air I decided I would wash that man right out of my hair and go on a date with another one. So far so good.
During the party , he wouldnt dance much because he was tired of a long week work, so was I but the music was just too wonderful to resist. Then he said he was saving his energy for me...at 39 ? I had already told him that im 50 and have no interest in a relationship, he was fine with that.
I showed him a couple of condoms and insisted that if something happened between us he had to wear condoms, otherwise it would not happen, he was fine with that too.
He kept pestering me about how much he wanted me and how hot his desire was and and and. Around 2 am, I gave in and we drove to my place.
Once in bed, I put a condom on him at a strategic time and he moaned about the condom being a little tight. Later on he moaned about the condom getting in the way of feeling everything. He moaned and moaned till he came. Afterwards he moaned some more about it and he fell asleep !
Since I know him to be a nice normal person, an informatician and not a thug, I let him sleep while my cat and I watched a movie.
A couple of hours later, he woke up and I naturally jumped on him because I loooove morning sex. What do you think happened ? The idiot tried to get inside without covering his manhood ! I quickly pulled out a condom and put it on him before he could go anywhere and we started doing it. I had not even began to enjoy myself that he was again complaining that it is way better without condoms ! After a moment he got out and took his condom off. That was my cue to get up and get dressed. Why dont men ever listen ?
I warned him, he accepted it and he bitched about it the entire time ? Is the dude retarded or doesnt he read the papers ?
To make matters worse he admitted he has a steady girlfriend he goes bareback with, so he knows the difference and by the way we need to be discreet because of her. I stayed calm and politely asked him to leave before I would vomit.
Dude !
Not only did the idiot lied to me by pretending he was ok using condoms, he tried to force me to change my mind AND he made me do something I totally disapprove of. He made me cheat on his girlfriend !
Had I known he was in a serious relationship I would not had given him a second look but he lied. Why do men lie constantly ?
Furthermore, his poor girlfriend trusts him enough to sleep with him without any protection and he wants to cheat on her bareback with  women he hardly knows ?
What if someday he does this with a women who carries an infection ?
His girlfriend would be infected too. Because of his stupidity.
All in all it was a very unpleasant sexperience that could have turned  nasty.
Ladies, when a new man tried to go bareback, there is no room for discussion.
Just say NO.
There are a few smart men out there who know they must cover up.
The whole thing has put me so off, I think I will take a week off sex or so, to get balance again. yuck !

hot hot hot

I rang his door bell and he opened his door wide with a large smile. He paused for a moment, looking at me as if I were a chocolate ice cream, puts a hand on the back of my neck and kisses me softly while I step in.
Taking my coat off, he plants a kiss on my back. I turned around and look at him, he reads my thoughts and lifts me up in his big strong arms. My legs jump up to wrap themselves around his narrow hips, my arms embracing his neck. He carries me slowly to his bedroom, kicks the door shut behind us, looks at me lovingly and carries me to his bed ever so gently. I never realised till tonight how much trust it requires to let a man pick you up and carry you in his arms. What if he throws you off the window ? What if he drops you brutally on the floor ? Why was I even having such morbid thoughts ?
My lover deposits me gently on his larger futton bed, straddles me and takes his shirt off. Never stopping eye contact, he starts peeling my red silk shirt off. I purposely wore one that has many buttons to undo. He loves it. My shirt is opened but he leaves it on, admiring my white lace bra. He slides my grey skirt off me, admires what he sees. He bends over and kisses me passionately.
We breathe together, we cant stop kissing, breathing in and out of each other's mouthes.
He asks would I like some cold sparkling water, I would. He returns from his kitchen with a glass of it and starts drinking. He cups my face with his long hands and kisses my mouth pouring that sparkling water into it. I drink this water straight from his lips, what a strange sensation.
He asks if I had done this before, I hadnt.
He slowly takes off my red stilettos and massage my feet sensously, asks if this tickles, it didnt. He licks my toes and put them in his mouth, never breaking eye contact. I am going crazy with what he is doing to me. He knows it.
We keep on making out heavily for over an hour till I cant resist anymore. I rip his boxer shorts off and practically impale myself on his manhood while he moans aloud and kneads my buttocks.
He gets back on top of me and I tell him how much I looove the weight of his body on mine. He tells me all that he loves about me , He loves the scent of my skin, the softness of my hair, the way candlelight cast dancy shadows on my body, he loves my french accent when I speak German, my feet, my breast, my... and my.... and also my ......He tells me all the things he loves about me and I can almost feel wings growing , thats how much he makes me feel, like I am flying. Suddenly a heavy weight jumps on his futton. His huge chocolate labrador was wondering what was going on,  " Not now Tommy, Daddy is very very busy right now. "
Tommy woofs and goes back into his huge basket after I pet him on the head.
I laughed so hard but he brings the magic back straight away by cupping my head and looking straight into my eyes while our hips are dancing samba. After we come together , I hide my face in his shoulder so that he doesnt see my tears of joy. That's how good it feels.
He falls asleep holding me tight, I love it. He snores sightly, I try not to fall asleep as I know that I would easily outsnore him.
I can see the round silver moon from his  window and I feel so gratefull for these hours of sheer happyness.
4 am, he moves a little and that's my cue to whisper to him that I got to go home. He turns around with his eyes still closed and gives me a soft kiss on the forehead and then on the lips. This is so tender and so romantic that it turns me on again. I kiss him back and reach for his bottom half. Now he is very much awake and gets back inside my body while caressing my face and smiling  at me.
How I love his sexy stare !
After he comes he holds me tight and tells me how much he looooves having sex with me. Im still flying and keeping quiet, I better not tell him that I have never felt more alive that this moment.
 He makes me feel so alive !
After some more making out and kissing, we leave his appartment, I get into a taxi and he takes Tommy out for an early morning walk.
Sheer bliss !

Sometimes all you need is a good romp

Favourite fuckbuddy number one is away in Spain for a month, I was texting with him from my buble bath and thinking of his expert hands and soft lips on my warm body when favourite fuckbuddy number two answered a text I had sent him earlier. Igor suggested we met a little later.
At the said time, I decided to add a little spice and waited downstairs, hidden behind the front door hoping no neighbours would show up for a while.
As soon as Igor appeared in front of the huge glass door I flung it wide to a shocked Igor who smiled when I droped my black coat to flash my red bra and knickers to him. After a quick embrace, we got into the lift and started to make out heavily till the fifth floor. Once inside we had a wild roll in the hay or rather on my red bedding. I asked Igor to go slow tonight, I wasnt in the mood for a caveman. He complied and slowed down but somehow I found myself trying to recreate Volker's tenderness and failed parlously. After a while I stoped making believe Igor was romantic and sweet. I just let him be who he is and enjoyed him as Igor and not as a proxi.
I really needed to have this good time last night, I had worked hard, did a ton of paperwork and generally felt exhausted. I loved to surprise him the way I did. Nothing like a good romp to put me back on rails !
Sometimes that is all you need to function properly again.

How to Avoid an Abusive Relationship - wikiHow

How to Avoid an Abusive Relationship - wikiHow

dirty sweaty sexy

I had never done that before, we in switzerland are so obsessed with hygiene and cleanliness that we would never dream of doing that. However I had this incredibly sexy experience that was a mix of cro magnon and gentleman.
Volker, my  cute 31 year old construction worker and I, had been texting through the afternoon quite flirtily. Neither of us had time to meet during the weekend but  we had wished we could. At around 6 pm he texted again asking if I were home alone because he was downstairs. I jumped in the bathroom to splash cold water on my face and dab a bit of perfume on. I wore jogging clothes but I didnt have time to change, this would have to do. I opened the door wide, quite turned on by all our previous texting. He stepped in, smiled cheekily at me and droped his  heavy work back pack on the floor. My first thought was to tell him to go have a shower first, his clothes were dirty, there was dust even in his hair and his skin was sweaty but his hands were clean.  His eyes focused on my lips as he grabed my waiste and pulled me in for a long languid kiss.
-Where shall we do it ? he asked. I turned my head towards the living room and he lifted me up while I jumped up to wrap my legs around his hips.
He carried me so all the way to the large brown leather couch and there instead of throwing me on it and jumping on me, he sat on the couch with me still around him and we made out in this position. Clothes came off slowly, one by one, and kissing became more sexual and heavy. I bent over to kiss his sixpack while he managed to bend over me to kiss my neck. What a contorsionist !
By now I couldnt care less that his clothes were dirty, his hair messy and his face badly unshaved. His raw sexappeal was seriously turning me on. I didnt even mind his rugged face slightly scratching my cheeks and I was not afraid of his cavemanlike moves either. He was all man, sweat and all but he was a gentle and considerate lover, he made sure I came before he did and afterwards he fell asleep on top of me while still holding me in his long arms, his right hand cupping the back of my head . When he awoke later he smiled and said he was sorry to be so tired but he had been working since 6 am. Seriously ? It had been tender, warm and cuddly, I wonder how a construction worker can be such a fine creativ lover and I told him so. He answered that not all construction workers are illeterate brutes who mindlessly shag all that moves, they can be as chosy and as  passionate as any men. On the field most of the workers keep braging about all the women they shag all the time ( yeah right ) but Volker never talks about his sexlife. In fact he is so quiet about his life that his boss once asked him if he were gay. He cleverly answered that if he were gay he would still indeed have lots of  sex stories to talk about but he just considers his sexlife to be private. We both agreed that it is those who talk the most about it that get laid the less.
I sat on the couch facing him with my legs around him and his around me. My head rested on his left shoulder while his rested against mine. Our arms  were around each other and our eyes were closed. Things were getting hot again and we had sex in that weird position that felt wonderful although a tad uncomfortable when I put my hands on the couch and lifted my pelvis to meet his. So glad I went to pilates last night. Later on we still had our eyes closed waiting for our hearts to beat at a normal rate when I whispered :
- I wonder if you are that fantastic with all the people you sleep with.
-I only sleep with you. I almost did cartwheels ! He must really like me then.
-You do ? I tried to sound nonchalent.
-Yeah. Im not saying  I want an exclusive thing but I only sleep with you.
-Me too.....but ....why me ?
-I dont know, but I am a good judge of character and It feels like I can actually trust  you....
What does that even mean ? I guess that will have to do.
-Cool, me too.
Hmm sounds good, a great fuck and a pep talk.
He left after kissing me a douzain times more. I watched him walked the street looking like a rough construction worker, who knew he could be such a loving cuddly cat ?

when you leave a guy.....

Ok, now I dont want anyone to call me bitchy but I officially ended things with my brazilian shagbuddy today since he did not seem to understand what "no" means. Last month he freaked me out by ringing at 3 am so frantically he broke my door bell. I could have forgiven him if he had said " oops sorry, I guess I was drunk/stoned/mistaken/sleepwalking " but when I confronted him about it the next day he denied it entirely even when I said I actually saw him ( I was hiding behind the window scared out of my witts ) ! He not only lied, which is very silly in this case, he  accused me of making it up ! Ladies if a man starts telling you its your imagination instead of answering your questions, you know it is time to let go. That guy in particular is sexy and great in bed but I decided not to date him anymore because the type of irresponsible behaviour he is showing could escalade into something worse even uncontrollable. But I wanted to be nice about it so each time he would ask to see me I would always say no, I even pretended I had met somebody. When he asked me pointblank to shag him I texted back,
-sorry never gonna happen again, you know I dont do relationships.
This morning he came to the center and asked if we were done, I confirmed that we are. He held out his hand for me to shake and I said it was too silly he ought to give me a kiss on the cheek to say goodbye, a handshake is so formal.
But he walked away with his nose up in the air....Only to return a few minutes later to invite me for a coffee ! I said I really dont have time and my life is a little too complicated to have someone like him in it. I was trying to be diplomatic, I hope it will be enough. That guy is freaking me out now.
I always said it was gonna be sexual only, I did explain I was not interested in something long term or serious, he got some great rolls in the hay with me without any strings attached, what the f... does he want now ?
Have you noticed that when a man leaves you he just stubs your heart coldly and wont give any explanations but when a woman no longer wants to date a guy he gets very demanding and outraged ?
To make matter worse my official stalker just rang me out of the blue from a new number to ask me out, grrrrrrr is there any normal man around ?
I am so fed up with drama queens, stalkers, crazies and emotional fuck ups.
GRRRRR

Drunken sex

We all know that drunken sex is a waste of everybody's time but I had a really cute  experience last night.
My God-daughter and her fiancé were in Zurich and we decided to have a japanese dinner . We had a wonderful time and I loved seeing them so happy and so in love even after six years together, bless them.
Around eleven p.m. I started to walk home because it was such a lovely starry night. As I turned into the long street that leads to mine, I noticed a man sitting on the pavement and listening to music, I distinguished the apple green nylon jacket but couldnt see the actual features of the face but this is not something you want to do in the middle of the night with a stranger in the street anyway.  I walked on quickly and set my mp3 to listen to Kylie Minogue. The man jumped up and run after me ! I nearly missed a heartbeat when he grabbed my arm.
Martin !
Suddenly my east german shagbuddy stood there before me in the middle of the night with a silly big grin and I realised he was drunk when he stumbled over me for a kiss.
-What are you doing here Martin ?
-I have been partying and I wanted to spend some time alone before going home.
-In the street ? Near my street ?
-Errr yeah. What are you listening to ?
-Errr Amy Winehouse ( I was embarrassed to be cought with romantic songs )
- Shall we have a walk in the park ?
He took my hand and we walked, or rather I walked and he zig.zaged, to the park till we found a bench.
It was pitch dark and we were all alone.
He was getting amorous and kept trying to undress me but I wouldnt let him. Years ago I dated an alcoholic and we often had al fresco sex in situations like this. I always gave in and hated myself afterwards. I had flashbacks of Carlos and freaked out, I straddled Martin and grabed his hands off my shirt.
-Shatz, do you remember what happened last saturday ?
-I'd rather not.
-You behaved like a primitive  cro magnon and I'd like to understand why.
-I am  embarassed  to have treated you so brutally, I dont know why I did it.
-Because it didnt get too out of hand, Im willing to put it down to experience but I never want you to do this to me ever again. I dont like brutality at all.
-Ok
-I mean it ! Never again.
Martin's embarassement was genuine. I felt a wave of tenderness for him and deposited a small kiss on his forehead. He jumped and asked what I was doing.
-what do you mean ? 
-You kissed my forehead, why did you kiss my forehead ?
-Is it that unpleasant ?
-No it just that it feels funny.
He was quite serious and asked me point blank :
-What  was your childhood like ?
-What ?
-What's the name of your religion ?
-Why ?
-Because I wanna know.
-You are sooo drunk, lets go back to my place for a strong cup of coffee.
-Im not drunk.
-Oh you  soooo are , come on.
I managed to walk back to my building with Martin wrapped around me. Later on in my kitchen I was making coffee while he kept kissing my back and tried to undress me. I led him to my balcony where I made him drink his coffee  which he liked so much he even drank mine.
He was feeling better already and we could actually have a nice conversation.
Some men get agressive when they drink and some become over romantic and laugh a lot.
Im pleased to say Martin fits the second category just like my ex hubby does.
He gave me a long long  languid kiss that made my head spin and said :
-I want your body,  I want it now.
-You got it.
-I do ?
-Yeah.
We laid on my bed, in each other arms, making out slowly. He whispered that he loved my beautiful ass and my gorgeous breasts, my silky skin and my sweet lips and and ....and.
That felt so good !
The sex itself was not as explosive as usual but we came anyway before he fell asleep in my arms.
It was nice, warm and comfy. My cat jumped up and cuddled up to him. It was so cute watching them play together. When Martin  left he was feeling so much better as when he had stumbled in, walking upright and smiling, blowing me air kisses from the stair case. Was is destiny that put me on his path ? Or was he waiting in my street hoping to see me ? Was he looking for a dignified way to apologize ? I have no idea but it turned out nicely.


-

My crasy night with Jekyll and Hyde

My east german shagbuddy and I had been tiptoeing around each other all week. Yesterday I knew he would come and I turned down three hot  men whom I know to be fabulous lovers who are free of complications because I wanted my fucked up drama queen. There he was, on fire. He just jumped out of his clothes and practically run to my bedroom. He had been wanting this since last sunday but I wasnt free when he was and he had been off drinking when I was. But there we were now, Martin admired my new red beddings that matched my red gstring and at first we kissed and cuddled slowly and romantically for long moments filled with sensuous desire and.....no wood. He admited he was recovering from a hangover and that affected his erectile function. ( If he knows drinking shots tempers his erections, then why does he keep on drinking ? ) I purred that it didnt matter and that we can make each other happy anyway. And we did  !
He kissed my feet and sucked my toes till my head was almost spinning and asked if a man had ever done that to me, I said once but not as good as he does. He kissed and cupped every inch of me and we rolled over a few times laughing.
He got back on top of me and said that this really was my favourite position, I replied that yes I love that position but I also like it when Im on top or when he is on the side or when we are sitting up or when we.
Martin, cupped  my head and asked pointblank :
 You in love with me ? right ?
I stared back totally speechless.
Maybe a little bit in love with me ?  ja ?
Why would you say that ? I asked, trying to gain time, not knowing what to say.
You look at me that way and you love it when we have sex,  you get so  out of control.
So that's how men measure girls love ? We really are different species !
You look at me the same way and you also love having sex with me so does that mean that you ?
Are you in love with me ?
Martin shut me off with some hard french kissing till I could barely breathe.
What was I supposed to say ? " I could love you but you are a  fucked up, complicated, complex, compelling, annoying east german drama queen ?  "
I worked hard to fall out of love with him and I finally get to enjoy him on my terms. About six weeks ago he once said I didnt actually have him so why does he start a discussion about love that he is not capable of finishing ? It would have been rude to say no, it would have scared him away if I had said yes. Why did he put me on the spot like that ? Is he too dumb to understand love terrifies me ?
After this weird non discussion about love, he went from romantic to insane mode. He had a smoke on my balcony, stark naked. Did he not feel the cold ? Hopefully no one was at their window at one am. As he returned to bed he asked if he could take his pillows (my breasts)  home with him, I giggled and he began to fondle them and kiss them, and fondle them more until he was frantically squeezing them as if he really wanted to detach them. His kisses did not feel like kisses at all, it was as he was trying to devour me and  suffocate me at the same time. He would come up for air asking who needs air anyway and dive back down on me. I couldnt move as  he was pinning me to the bed almost agressively. That was not enjoyable at all. I barely recognised the sweet lover that had asked me if I loved him half an hour before. This was a raw  Cro Magnon who was brutally taking what he wanted and ignored my complaining nos. At some point he left the bedroom. He returned fully dressed to say he had thought of sleeping here but would be going home after all, and he wanted me to think of him.
Say what ?
Somehow that turned me on and I just pulled him back on my bed with all his clothes on.
Bad idea.
By now he was in full  Neanderthalian  mode and just jumped on me, twisting, biting and groping brutally, biting my neck painfully , bruising my breasts and thighs.
I hated what he was doing to me but at the same time I couldnt bear to let him go !
Martin  was treating me like his sex toy, like his rubber doll, and I was furious, shouting at him in french to let go of me. Paradoxally when he climbed  out of my body  and walked to the door , I run after him naked and held him tight in my arms.  He dropped his back pack and dragged me into  the living room where some more madness took place. Again I wanted him to leave because he was really hurting me but some unidentified part of me wanted him more and more even if it hurt.
Look at you, Martin sighed , You are besides yourself. I have never seen you like this.
Besides  myself ?  Im not the one biting and groping here.
I answered You have been dressed up for nearly an hour yet you cant seem to leave, why ?
His reaction was to kiss me up and down slowly gently, lovingly.
It felt surreal, this fully dressed giant on his knees kissing my naked body. Then we reversed roles and  he was moaning so loud that  I sincerely hoped all the neighbours were either out partying or deeply sleeping.  I stopped when Martin said it was hurting.
Hurting ? But you were almost coming ? How painful could it be ?
I know, that's so bizzare, it hurts but it feels good at the same time. I want it and I dont then I want it.
So he too had been feeling this ambivalence. Or maybe he is just bipolar.
Do you ever masturbate thinking of me ? Martin smiled.
No, I never masturbate.
What if I want  you to ?
I said no ! If you want any action with me, come here and we'll do it together. I insisted.
Hmmm sounds good to me, he flirted.
That night was getting weirder and weirder. Now I really wanted him to leave.
Kuss mich, ( kiss me) he ordered in a low intimate voice.
He stood so close with face inches away from mine, crazy love burning in his half closed eyes.
I complied and it was all going to start again when my achy body reminded me that I was dealing with Mister Hyde tonight. He needs to go now, I thought , while his long bony hands started to roughly explore my bruised body again.
What do you say when you want a man to leave ?
You ask him to stay.
Cheri, I whispered, stay here tonight , we can play some more then go to sleep and have morning sex....you like that dont you ? Come on stay, dont go....
Man's natural instinct to not do as he is asked kicked in and he left, after kissing me so hard I could barely breathe.
Once alone, I rolled up in a foetal position with my cat in my arms wondering what had happened here tonight. What should I feel ? Why did he do that ? Shall I see him again ? Will he realise how he acted ?
This morning I could barely get up. my body is covered in bruises, specially my breasts and there are some hematomas on my neck and jaw where he bit me. Is the dude crasy or was that a reaction to my not answering his question last night ? I truely dont understand what we did last night.

P.S.
One week later as I walked home from dinner in town, I noticed a man sitting on the street, listening to his Ipod. As I quickened my pace, the man got up and jumped on me ! Before getting too scared I realised it was Martin, stone drunk . almost falling down me while trying to kiss me. We walked hand in hand to a park and talked. This was his way to handle this was to overdrink as to not being accountable but I talked about it anyway. He was so embarrassed and couldn't explained his actions, I said if it ever happens again I will never talk to him ever again, he noded silently and we sealed with a kiss.

How to Have Great Sex With a Wonderful Guy Without Falling in Love - wikiHow

How to Have Great Sex With a Wonderful Guy Without Falling in Love - wikiHow

How to Love Being Single and Not in a Relationship - wikiHow

How to Love Being Single and Not in a Relationship - wikiHow

I feel so much better to be free of love !

Indeed ! Yours truely feels lighter and so very relieved to have escaped the tyrannie of love.
Since I pulled that little stunt with my german sexfriend, I have hardly given him a thought, turned him down once and had a couple of great rolls in the hay with another two newbies. I attended a festival and a few professional events, spent time with my familly and cought up on my favourite shows while my cat supported me by purring endlessly in my arms. Its so wonderful not to have a man on my mind , I have gone back to being the boss of not only my sexlife but of my life in general. Additionally I was able to concentrate on work and totally give myself to a brand new project that's very dear to me. Yes ladies... I am pleased to announce....drum rolls....that I have actually finished writing my book ! Of course the real work starts now, there is some editing to do and some administration work involved , but I will let you know how it goes. In fact , the creation and completion of a book feels almost as good as really good sex ! who knew ? I guess I must have , lol.
This week I had been thinking of Volker with very nice shag flashbacks and was tempted to call him but I resisted the urge and just pushed him out of my mind. Surprisingly , it had not been very hard to do.  Last night Volker poped in my head again and I pushed him away, I went on my balcony to do some writing when who called ? That's right.
It turns out he had been thinking of me too yesterday.
But he did not resist calling me, I told him that I too was thinking of him, he was in one of the most romantic outdoor bars of zurich and was wondering if he should come see me or not. I went cocky and said to ring twice when he will come. Did he think I would talk him into coming ? I might have if I were in love but being lovefree means he has no power over me. How cool is that ?
I quickly pimped up my bedroom and made myself pretty. My east german fuckbuddy turned up smiling and happy to see me.  I had hardly closed the door that we were making out like a teenage couple. He did his best to remind me why I like him so much. We undressed slowly as we rolled over my bed, panting and moaning. He went ballistic when he kissed my feet in their new sexy high heeled red sandals. He cupped my face and kept  kissing  me sensously while we made love three times. I felt as if I was growing wings and flying. All throughout our frolics I just kept giving my body  to Volker and avoided thinking altogether. I enjoyed every move, savoured every moment but I kept my heart to myself and did not let it take part in our sexgames.
At some point my lover came so hard he fell on top of  me and slept.  My cat jumped on the bed and Volker naturally rolled on his side to put one arm around her and one around my hips. It was so lovely to have my darling cat purring her whiskers off, comfortably between us. How can I  describe how beautiful this felt ?  Yet I kept my focus of not losing my heart to him  instead  I have reached a point where I can fully participate in the joy of talking to him, laughing with him, climaxing with him even sleeping with him while my cat purrs in his arms.  I can melt with Volker without falling desperately in love with him. All the best of loving someone without the pains of it. Since Im not constantly analysing what he says or what he does, I can relax and be my cheery smily self and that reminds him why he was attracted to me in the first place.
When he went home at 2am , we kissed endlessly by the door, in front of the lift and on top of the stairs. He had a hard time unglueing  himself off my body. I watched him walk down the street and he was practically dancing ! So cute ! Im so pleased to have all this without enduring love.

How to fall out of love.

My good friend M told me that, in his opinion ,I was  falling in love with Volker and in denial about it. A lady reader wrote to me that it was showing her that at least I wasnt becoming a robot, another lady suggested I give it a try to see how far it could go since exposing oneself belongs to the territory of relationships. Well M and some lady readers.... I admit I was starting to devellop some strong feelings for Volker, which is why his words were affecting me. When you are in love with someone, you are in fact giving them an open invitation to hurt you at will, anytime they please. A happily  married friend of mine revealed that her husband knew how to push her buttons and could destroy her easily , should he chose to, but she trusts him to be a decent man who wont do such a thing, knowing her husband I know that he is a really good man and she is safe with him. So yes I was falling slowly, dangerously in love and starting to feel the downs as well as the ups of this state. But trusting ? Exposing myself ? Depending emotionally on someone ?
Aw hell no !
This is not how I want to live. I love being the boss of my sexlife, I enjoy being the boss of my everyday life in general. I love not being accountable to one man for anything, I love being balanced and independant, I love being able to make decisions on the spot regarding work or leisure without consulting. I love waking up alone with my cat in my arms, beauty cream on my face and wollen socks on my feet without having to pretend to look perfect all the time. Cooking pasta all week if I so desire and scoffing some fatty dessert at 2am in front of a Pedro Almodovar or Quantin Tarantino dvd are perks of a single woman that I dont wish to lose. Reading till late or having a long soak in the bath without being told to come to bed because its late, are privileges. Do I ever feel lonely ? No I never feel lonely, I have familly and friends I can reach out to. Do I need constant compagnionship ? Nooooo it would drive insane in the long run. Like all of you, I have good and bad moments but I love my life the way it is, I have worked hard to become independant and refuse to risk losing this.
After a period od denial, yes M you were right as usual, I thought about it long and hard and decided that I needed to fall out of love with Volker. Sleeping around with lots of other men wasnt working because I would immediately think of him afterwards. How did I manage ? By immersing myself into my work and always keeping my head busy, I forbade myself to call him and went for swims or read lenghty complicated novels in order to always have something else on my mind. The more I was missing him the more I avoided contact, easy to do since this is the festival season and he was probably attending lots of concerst after work. I talked to a couple of friends, meditated a lot, went a couple of garden parties and nearly drawned into paperwork. Then on monday I arranged to see Igor, my favourite shagbuddy. I enjoyed him to the full and loved his no nonsense attitude, reminded me of who I am. On wednesday I run into a man I had a major crush on a couple of years ago... didnt feel a thing. By thursday I felt strong enough to make contact with Volker but how could I do that without sounding clingy or needy ?
I took a pic of my breast in a black lacy bra and texted it to him without a word.
His reaction was immediate.
-Lovely ! What are their names ?
-We are the breasts of your secret lover.
-Lol, sublime !
-We would be happy to feel your large hands and sexy mouth on us and on Chantal again sometimes.
-I cant this week, I have musicians friends coming over and we are gonna jam.
-Nice, Im going to Interlaken this weekend anyway, I was just having erotic thoughts of you, have fun.
-You have fun too. 
There ! I had reminded him of how sexy and how funny I can be, I hadnt said anything lovy and showed that I had a life with or without him. Now the ball was in his camp but at least I had gotten some reaction from my east german cro magnon. The center was packed that day and I didnt get a chance to check my mobile until a couple of hours later. Imagine my surprise when I found 3 texts from Volker and a picture of his dick ! He had taken his pants down to photograph his manhood and wrote : This is how you make me feel. YAY ! He still wanted me after all. His texts were more of a monologue.
-I would love to fuck you right now if I wasnt at work.
-How about I come to your house at six o'clock ?
-No that wont work because Im picking my mates up at nine. But I would have loved to. No there wont be enough time.


I read his texts and wondered why he thought three hours wouldnt be long enough to have sex with me, get changed and meet his friends. I calmly answered
-thats ok because I am gonna be home before seven.
What do you think he wrote back ?
-Seven it is then.
If six o'clock would  not leave enough time, how would an hour less be better ?
Seven o'clock came, I was a little nervous to say the least. There he was. Standing in front of me, smiling, confidant, horny. We barely said a word, he kissed me romantically on the door step and practically undressed me in the hall. His jeans and shirt came off as we stumbled on my bed and there was the magic again. Part of me was ridiculously happy that Volker was back into my arms and the rest of me decided to just enjoy without doing any thinking. He gave his best last night, staring adoringly into my eyes while he was drawing circles in my body with his now very erected manhood. I taught him that, he has no idea that it is a black move but he knows I love it.  Cupping my head and whispering my name. Caressing my legs and planting small kisses on my feet. Compliments and sweet nothings. He was giving me everything he knows that drives me out of control. In fact I almost bit my lips a couple of times and turned my head away from his gaze as I felt like screaming I love you !!!!between moans and sighs. Whenever he was not looking at my eyes, I would look at him and repeat to myself  "you are just another fuckbuddy like Igor, nothing more."  After a wave of multi orgasms that shook him to the core, he fell on me and rested a while before turning on his side and marvelling  at me. He loves doing this post sex, just laying by my side, looking at me silently,  kissing my lips or  my hand, patting my back and smiling. These are times when I am disheveled, sweaty and  out of breath but I feel so beautiful and alive reflected in the loving eyes of my lover. I could feel myself falling for him all over again and I closed my eyes pretending to fall asleep when the loving stare was becoming unbearable.
Volker fell asleep holding me while I offered a silent thank you prayer to the Lord. Does that sound inapropriate ? What is wrong with two consenting adults making love . Does that sound weird ? I always consider a evening or a night of wonderful sex with a gorgeous stranger to be a gift from life so yes I said thank you for this special moment of happyness. I normally enjoy to cuddle up to my cro magnon when he sleeps but this time I forced myself to get up anf have a shower in order to take romantism and intimacy out of the equation. He was still sleeping when I returned to lay by his side and put my arms around him. Was I sure I wanted to break an emotional bond to him ? Oh yeah I was sure, I wont lose myself even for the sake of magical moments. Instead I would train to have both the beauty of our love making and then my peace of mind after he would close the door.
He made some noises and grabbed my hand, I knew he was awake when he turned around and showed off a really sizable erection. How did he manage to get so much wood ?  Had he been staring at the pic of my breasts all day ? Hmmm he was the perfect dream lover again for another hour at the end of which he exploded  so hard he was grunting and screaming. He roared like an animal and I felt quite proud to know that my body was causing this erotic madness.
Later he kept me in his arms for a nice long cuddle, telling me all about his musician friends come from east germany, their music room, their concerts and their plans. I wondered if he wasnt late to meet them and he revealed he told his friend he would be there around ten pm. Funny how men can always organize themsleves when they really want to get laid, isnit ?
We kissed passionately and instead of making goo goo eyes at him, I observed him as he explained about his music making computer and talked about a young trisomic neighbour of his. I observed coldly, looking for faults or silly mimics... nothing to complain about. Volker is handsome in a manly rugged
neandherthalian kind of way. Older looking that his thirty years. He does make silly faces when he wants to make a point or when he pretends to pout but this is in fact quite cute. Still not someone I cant entrust my heart to, he is a little unstable, lives like a hippy and doesnt have any real plan. Thats it ! Im not gonna fall in love with this man, but I will continue to love shagging him.....
When he got up to get dressed I didnt cling to him nor try to make him stay. We kissed some more by my front door, he kissed my cat goodnight too. As he left ,I felt good, satisfied and free ! What a feeling !
A smile on my face and a song in my heart.
I had unhooked myself of the man I had almost fallen in love with. There was however one final touch to add to my Volker weaning program, after showering again and tidying up I rang this brezilian guy who works late, he came running to my bed and we had a nice couple of romps. Why did I do this ? Simply because I wanted to see if I could. When Volker leaves, I linger around in bed, seek his scent on my pillows, cuddle my cat with my eyes closed reliving every second of our night together and fall asleep dreaming of him. Not this time I thought. The brazilian was quite entertaining, simple, easy to talk to, very uncomplicated, very brezilian. The anti thesis of Volker in fact. I wanted to see if I could have sex with another man without thinking of my german fuckbuddy... and I did. Even when I closed my eyes and pictured his face, it just wouldnt stay there. yay for brazilians ! Ladies and Gentlemen, it is now official.... I have fallen out of love with Volker W. and am now myself again.
Yay for me.

Dont wanna fall in love

You know how they say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else ? It doesnt always work. Unless you have a sex bomb like Igor to get underneath of. Im coping with the realisation that I might have developed some feelings for Martin and I really am not happy about it for a number of reasons.
My friend M, the only man I respect enough to listen to, has a theory that Martin words to me, a couple of weeks ago, hurt me because I might be falling in love and we all know that the ones we love are the ones who have the power to hurt us at will. If thats the case I dont want to be reminded of how love feels.
I miss the jerk everyday but I refuse to be a victim,
I have practically been sitting on my hands not to dial his number, I miss his touch like a junky crave his fix. Before Martin becomes my own crack, I am taking a few steps, im not calling or texting and I have had a couple of satisfactory sex dates. However my thoughts always turned to him afterwards.
How annoying ! How do I get that guy out of my head ? I want him out of my head now !  Tonight I was feeling on fire, I tried to immerse myself in paperwork or a complicated novel and it didnt work. Whom shall I call to have a nice time with, I wondered. I just told Ayo to get lost a couple of days ago and Karim is way too clingy, I'd never hear the end of it. The Brazilian man told me that he is not a second choice, I guess he must have checked my facebook page, oops ! That cute saoudian informatician did ask me out but Im not sure.... whom ? That serbian mountain of  muscles who got offended when I refused to get in his car ? I dont think so. I just never get in a car with a man I dont know, end of story. Whom ?
Who do you think I called that came running fifteen minutes later ? Thats right. Igor, the king of wood, the giver of hot hot hot sex that never asks questions. Igor ! I have often turned  poor Igor down because of Martin so it has a nice symetrie to it. My caveman waltzed in and took me right on the dining table, not very dreamlike but quite efficient. Martin did pop into my mind a few times but I pushed him away kissing Igor hard. Of course I noticed the difference and missed the tenderness and the adoring gaze but this loving sex comes at a really high price that im not willing to pay. Even if Martin could have been  a new chance of loving, he is not gonna love me back, he is a thirty year old man who still lives like a hippy and when he will be my age, my age, I shall be a little old lady of seventy years. Whatever we have in common, there is just too much going against us and I have no desire to hurt this way. Therefore I focused on Igor and enjoyed it to the point of being quite noisy. Did I mention that tonight  Zurich's barometer is over 30 ° ? I left the window open and thought nothing of it till some woman started screaming that we could at least shut the window when some people are trying to get some sleep. We broke out in hysterics, that was really funny, so funny in fact that we had to take a break, giggling that we were. Igor is gone home now and I have no thoughts of Martin, at least for now. Im gonna keep fighting this love danger before something really bad happens, stay tuned !

Just because he likes you a lot, doesnt mean he loves you.

This is a tragic mistake we all make and need to stop making for the sake of our sanity. Even I, had some issues regarding the " doubt ". When a man you date for a while, is regularly giving you some fabulous sex, looks at you adoringly and enjoys talking  to you for hours about different topics, you would think that he might like you a little, right ?
Wrong.
How crasy is it to imagine that the one man who makes you feel wonderful, loves your cooking, shares a few center of interest with you and keeps telling you about all the thing he loves about you, from the scent of your skin to the sound of your voice, how wildly insane is it to supose that maybe, just maybe....he might actually like you more than  it appears ?
As time goes by, he keeps showing you that he really really likes you very much. Till one day you find yourself wondering if there is more to it. Does he love you ? Is that what he is trying to say ? He is so caring and very considerate... is it because he .....loves you ? What would you do with this love anyway ? You are probably just misreading the signals but....you have a doubt. Suddenly you cant help wondering about it.
Let me illustrate this by something that happened to me only 13 days ago. I had had a hot hot hot very steamy yummy sex evening with my soon to be ex shagbuddy Martin followed by a long cuddle and some conversation about his home town. I was leaving on the next day for a week holls in Portugal, my backpack was still half empty in the hall. As we were kissing goodnight for the hundredth time when he nicely wished me a great hollidays before asking me how many portuguese I was gonna screw that week ! I pointed out that it was a girlfriend holliday with Caroline who happens to be married and screwing around was definitely not on the menu that week. He insisted, with a smile, that maybe I would bring a cute portuguese back in my luggage and I jokingly said : Why would I screw some portuguese on my hollidays when I have you ?
Martin  immediately answered, with a smile, " But you dont have me ".
I was mortified ! How could I have embarassed myself this way ? I felt so exposed and so vulnerable that within a second I giggled that I was only joking. He kissed me some more after that but I couldnt stop thinking of what he had said.
But you dont have me ! Sounds even colder in german : Mich hast du nicht.
Here is a man who always makes stupid innuendos about how our love making could be dangerous, about how people can fall in love kissing the way we do. He sometimes points to my forehead saying : Martin is here. And I just giggle politely when he does this, am I so wrong in hoping he might have shown me the same courtesy when it was my turn to make an innocent joke ?
I have been home for three days and havent rang or texted him. I ignored calls from Igor and Jerome, postponed a couple of others and spent a really wild evening with my new brazilian hottie.
Am I angry that Martin said this ? In fact Im more angry with myself for showing vulnerability for a split second. Could it be that we were seeing each other too often ? going too far ? Absolutely, and that means Martin gave himself the right to get familiar enough to the point of being rude. I still desire him but im gonna create a distance between us, either we break up again or he will be just another fuckbuddy like Igor or Karim. With this exemple I wish to show you, in case you didnt know it, that just because your lover really likes you, it doesnt mean he loves you. Sadly...

Sex with clothes on

My east German shagbuddy and I had already had a roll in the hay and had gotten dressed again. I was just thinking that it had not been as good as before. He had not looked at me straight in the eyes untill we started having sex and he wasnt as cuddly as usual, what was wrong ? However when we started getting down to the nitty gritty he was my dream lover again....BUT without the magic .  Later on, we were dressed, sitting on my couch, playing with my cat and talking about bio nourishment as opposed to yucky micro waved processed industrial precooked meals. My boredom was growing into something more annoying. Here he was bitching about coca cola and television making people oblivious to nature and yet he drinks alcohol ? At some point we started saying goodnight and I gave him a kiss in the neck...while caressing his sixpack through his shirt, he liked that. Playfully I started to plant lots of slow kisses on his tummy, still through his shirt... he really liked this. Was that an erection that was bulging in his jeans ? Indeed it was ! I began to caress it through the rough fabric and still kept kissing his shirted chest and tummy. I looked up and noticed his eyes were crossing slightly, something Martin always does when he is in the throws of passion. When he started moaning I discretly took my lace panties off and zipped his jeans down to free up his very hard dick which jumped straight into my hungry mouth. Martin was twisting and gasping till I straddled him, impaling myself on his manhood. Now that was hot ! He grabed my hips to dig himself deeper into my body. His eyes locked into mine and I cupped his face in my hands while we kissed and kissed and kissed till he came in one long scream. At last ! I felt connected again, we stayed in this position till our hearts stopped racing and we could breathe normally again. I hadnt had sex with clothes on in such a long time I had forgotten how much fun that was. Besides when you have a lot of sex with the same man, it is really important to keep it exciting by doing different things.
Martin left soon after that because he had to work early on the next morning, but now, he had a large smile on his face.

The Jekyll and Hyde of sex

He   drives me crasy. I call him the Jekyll and Hyde of sex.
Whenever M and I  meet, I have no idea whom im gonna be sleeping with. We are secret lovers for a number of reasons, one of them being that he is  twenty years younger than myself and I dont want outsiders to mess up our connection with questions , silly comments and critics.
So whenever we do get together  we already know that night will be dedicated to volupty and pleasure. He loves high heels and lingerie, french perfume and candle lights. We have the same taste in music and I always put on something slow and sensuous on the stereo , like Seal, Nat King Cole, Joao Gilberto or the Platters. Butterflies are  dancing tango in my stomac when he rings the bell and I know he is on his way up. He pauses at the door  and kisses me tenderly then I know it is my prince charming who picks me up in his arms, walks us slowly to my bedroom with my legs wrapped around his hips and undresses me while kissing. He will say how much he desires me,  that  he loves to see me come till I cry , how he loves the colours of my face when he is inside me , how the candlelights dancing on my skin makes it so lickable.
 There will be hours of slow sensuous gentle loving and we wont stop fusing  until we melt into each other.
The beauty of his caress and the magic of his touch are just overwhelming.He calls my name and looks right into my eyes , i feel so close to my lover... After coming together we will just lay in each other's arms basquing in the afterglow of multi orgasms and look at each other quietly, whispering about how good this feels and how we shouldnt be so irresistibly attracted to each other and he will again wonder if we are addicted to our secret steamy nights of passion or just to each other.
I like him a lot when he is mister romance !
Other nights  he kicks  the front door shut behind him, pushes me against a wall,  grabs my face to kiss me hard and starts talking dirty to me. He wants me right now !  By that time I know im dealing with cro magnon so I just grab him by the belt and drag him to my bedroom where he throws me on the bed and fucks me vigorously for hours. We will roll over, get ourselves all entangled and sweaty, he will pull my hair , bite my shoulder and scratch my back. He wants me to hurt him too, squeeze his dick hard, handle him roughly and take charge ( he said he loves it when im in control ) At some point he will suggest something that I will refuse straight away , he once got his belt slowly out of his jeans and pretended to hit the air with it, he smiled as he asked if I wanted to try, I remained calm and said a firm NO followed by a passionate french kiss. Of course I cannot tell him that I was once a battered child therefore brutality is ugly to me in all its forms. Im not toying with this, not ever.
Another time M wondered what bondage would be like and I declined. Last night he wraped his long fingers around my neck and started to gently squeeze. at first I didnt realise what he was doing  but  I did when he nearly choked me with his eyes half closed . LET GO ! I gulped,, his fingers came off my throat , he looked at his hand while I went on,  the hanging man  erection thing doesnt work on girls, i dont have a dick in case you havent noticed.
Doesnt that make you come even stronger ? he asked, No , it bloody doesnt !
Tut mir so leid, ( am so sorry ). To his defense, whenever I say no, M  stops immediately and doesnt argue.
If he behaved differentelly I might not deal with it so leniently, but he is reasonable about it.
I love it when he is crasy.
Whichever of his alter egos Im dealing with, our post sex is beautiful and cuddly. We have never ever discussed how unusual this all is, I prefer not to have a serious discussion with neither Jekyll nor Hyde. As long as we can have fabulous sex  and things dont get out of control, Im willing to play and play and play and have a fabulous time along the way.

My commitment to being single

Every now and then, there will be a man, so special, so wonderfull, so considerate, so sexy, so clever and so compelling that I will be tempted to believe in the illusion of monogamy and love. A good man, a normal man with his share of imperfections and mystery. A man who looks at me as if I were 20 years old, 6 " tall and 50 kgs. A man who suggests but never imposes, who encourages rather than pushes. A man who makes a personal conversation sounds like a friendly chat rather than a third degree. A man whose touch makes me want only him and no other. A real man who doesnt question nor want to change who I am. One who doesnt feel threatened by me, who doesnt need to brutalise me or squash me to feel like a man. A man I dont feel in conflict with. A lover who gives me everything and more and takes all I have to give him without trying to force me into anything else. A man who understands who I am and what I do and takes what I have to offer without judging or challenging me.
Whenever I date such a man, as I do now, I am slighty tempted to maybe give in to his loving words and tender embrace..... should I give it one more chance ? Do I have to be so ironical and bossy with my men ? Does this one deserve the privilege of  fidelity ? Shall I soften up ?  Should I ? Should I ?
However, I remember that even Prince charming can turn into a dominating domestic tyran given half a chance  and I go to work hard on myself  to not listen to  the loving whispers in my ears and avoid the loving eye contact so intense and magical when we make love.  Yes he might have been worth it and yes we have so much in common, this feels so right it is scary,  but the chances of him turning out to be like any other guy are so high that I will not compromise my singlehood for him and will therefore handle this beautiful man like I do any other. 
So serious is my commitment to remaining single and in charge of my life.
Pheww ! Temptation is gone, I am the boss of my sexlife again.

Martin got back into my pants !

Oh what a wonderful night I have just had !  My head is still in the clouds, my body is still aching, I Martin, the 30 year old east german kid who broke up with me 5 months ago because he " wanted to be loved/ a soul mate/ a woman for life/ this kind of sexual extasy and closeness only within a loving relationship" had been trying twice before to get back into my pants. Unsucessfuly.
Yesterday he tried a brand new aproach and it worked !
He just materialised in front of me at the center yesterday and greeted me warmly. Did he rehearse ? Martin looked happy, smily and confidant, he was fun again. I didnt have time to think, when he said he was happy to see me , I answered likewise. As he said I looked good, I blushed and purred that so did he. We talked about his work, restauring old houses, we talked about my fitness program that seem to agree with me. We talked and talked, smiling and flirting like two old buddies until I really had to do some work. I pointed to my cheek for a peck and he put so much sensuality in this innocent kiss, caressing my cheek, resting his right hand on my left hip, closing his eyes, taking in my perfume. I nearly told him to come home with me. I was on fire. I offered him to call me next saturday when I`ll return   from a week away....adding that this time I will actually answer.
The rest of my shift was done with tons of questions on my mind. Does he want to get back into my pants ? Does he want a revenge fuck ? Is he gonna tease me then say " oops, sorry I want to be loved " ? Did he not find a bloody soul mate then ? Is he now open to a sex friendship without love ? What shall I do ? What shall I do ?
As I went home I treated myself to a buble bath, put up some new candles, fed my cat and changed my bedding. I knew he would not wait for another week, he had been desiring me for months. My body was on fire, clouding my judgement and stoping me from being mean to Martin. A text shone on my screen " Cant wait anymore, please let me come now ", aha ! I knew it !
I kept him waiting for a few minutes and then I texted back " oui ".
Martin told me later that he finds the way I say oui to be a great turn on.
I was standing at the door when he stepped out of the lift.  He didnt know what to expect either... I hadnt had sex in about 10 days and I really wanted to get laid, specially with someone new and exciting. I love it when a man comes back after breaking up with me earlier.
They all came back, each and everyone of them...except for the only one who really mattered, Ismet.
Back toMartin, I locked the door behind us and we stood there looking at each other for a while. I didnt tell him off, he didnt apoplogize. The break up did not come up at all.We just stared at each other untill he cupped my face and gave me one of his wonderful long languid romantic french kiss he is so good at.
I melted.
Soon we were sitting on my bed, playing with my cat. He noticed I had really sexy shoes on. What is it with that guy and shoes ? Gay ? Fetishist ?
I wore a long black silk nighty with white lace trimming, white high heeled sandals. Martin looked intensely at my mouth and leaned in for a kiss , I asked him if he was sure, he was. I straddled him and took his shirt off, my cat jumped off the bed and went to groom her beautiful self in her basket.
What followed what absolutely incredible.
Nearly five hours of making love, gently, sensously, almost lovingly.
My eastern promess was gazing into my eyes, whispering sweet nothings in my ears, kissing, licking, biting, caressing, groping, touching, kissing, kissing, kissing. and kissing again. Did I mention the kissing ?
My head was spinning from all the pleasure he was giving me abundantly. My heart was racing, my voice was almost broken from all the moaning and screaming.
I must have come a million time. Last time I felt so high, so happy sexually was in Paris a couple of years ago with the best one night stand of my life.
Last night Martin surprised me, he gave himself so completely to me, he did stuff he hadnt before when we were seing each other. And he even introduced me to the world of...foot erotism. I was catching my breath after a hundreth orgasm when suddenlly he started kissing my legs, nice, down down down then he kissed my ankle, ok thats nice too, but then he kissed my shoe ! What ! my shoe ! Hey ! this is the mouth thats gonna kiss mine ! Fortunately these shoes I only use indoors for special dates, therefore they are really clean. Playfully he asked if I often wear shoes to bed...only when you are here, I purred.
My kinky east german gently took my white shoe off and began...sucking my toes ! Normally I would be ticklish but the way he did it was so deliciously sexy I nearly came again. I had no idea Martin could be so kinky, and I had not seen this extremely refined side of his lovemaking. What a yummy surprise.
He drank some soda, when some spilled on my arm he licked it gently off.
It was so dream like... he was on top of me holding my head, smiling at me tenderly and purring some love words I prentended not to hear. It occured to me that had I been a young girl or even a woman without much experience, I could easily have mistaken this for love.
But since I am the boss of my sexlife, I didnt react when he said  " we fit together, that thing between us is not easy but we fit together " As we came together at the end, I was out of breath and whispered how wonderful it was that we actually came together and he seductively answered " well... when you got the right woman ".
While he went on the balcony to smoke a cigarette, I checked my clock.
1.30 AM !
What ! We made love for nearly four hours ! Who does that ? I didnt know white men, let alone germans could achieve that !
He returned to bed and kissed my back from my hips all the way to my neck and off we went again on a trip to magicland. I kept expecting him to stab me in the back with some bitchy announcement  but he didnt, I was overwhelmed by his tenderness and the beautiful way he made me feel. When he got up for a glass of water I checked the clock again, 2.30 am !
Martin made love to me for five hours last night ! I was speechless. He must have really been wanting it, or maybe he hadnt found someone as sexy as me.
He probably found something prettier, younger, slimmer yes but not as sexy !
We didnt discuss the break up, he did ask if I had met anyone nice and if I had enjoyed them like I enjoy him. I diplomatically answered that it was none of his business and distracted him with kisses.  As we ate some truffles,Martin casually mentioned that it was not a problem for me to love chocolate but I could not love a man. Again I distracted him with kisses.
Oh how I had missed that magic.
At some point he was falling asleep on top of me, I  argued with myself to keep my head cool, afterall we had been in this situation before, he sleeping trustfully on top of my body , holding my hands and kissing my hair, and still he broke up for no real reason. So I fully immerssed myself in those hours of magic with Martin without any hesitations or fear but I didnt lose myself in them. He was spooning me in front of a james bond movie and I wondered if he was gonna sleep here, no, I thought, no  he cant sleep here, its too much. this night has been perfect and I dont want any discussions at 8 am when I will get up and get ready for Church, now I want to shower, play with my cat, have a cup of chocolate and daydream about the fabulous multi Os he gave me all night.
However , it didnt seem polite to chuck him out after the ocean of pleasure he drowned me in. Did he feel my sudden nervousness ?  Did he hear my thoughts ? Martin asked if it was ok if he would go home to sleep because he likes to sleep late on sundays. Of course its ok, I answered relieved. Why was it ok, he wondered. Because I have never ever asked you to stay to sleep, of course its ok, I insisted. He asked what I was gonna do after he left, pfff, questions questions.
As he was leaving , we kissed endelessly by my front door ( If that door could talk she would write a best seller and a movie script, hahaha ). The kissing became so intense that Martin lifted me up and pushed me against the door to kiss me some more. For a moment I was tempted to rip his clothes off and make love to him again but my body was getting a bit sore and achy so I calmed him down. He gave me his funny crooked smile and blew me a kiss from the stair case saying " call me ".
Yummy yummy yummy
P.S.
A week later I returned from my trip away , spoke with my children, cuddled with my darling cat, unpacked ,did my laundry,  and was downloading some pics on my computer when Martin texted. He remembered I was coming home today. I confirmed I had gotten home and had missed my cat a lot.
I have missed you too, he wrote back,  may I come and see you ?
I considered it for a minute as I looked around me. Mess everywhere, washed clothes hanging to dry in everyroom, my bags still half unpacked, a mountain of bits and pieces on my desk and my couch , my bed not even made up yet... If I were reasonable I would have an early night, snore for a few hours and carry on organising tomorrow before going to zumba class.
Was I gonna be sensible ?
The thought of Martin's kissing and his large hands on my body swept away all sense out of me and I texted him back to come in two hours.
I reorganised my drying laundry, fed my cat, tidied up a little, made up a romantic bed and put up lots of candles everywhere. A nice long shower relaxed my slightly achy muscles and by the time Martin knocked on my door I wore my sexiest black negligé with brazilian pink high heels. He loved loved loved my lingerie and nearly panted over my pink shoes. How nice it is to get ready for a man who apreciates my efforts.
He greeted my cat and apologised for needing her mom's attention as soon as she got home, my cat miewed her aproval and observed us from her basket while chewing on her toys. There we were.
Martin giggled that I was striping his clothes off before he even had time to take off his shoes. What did the dude expect ? He must know by now if I let him come here at eleven pm , I have no time nor intention to talk about my week's program. I thought he couldnt possibly top last saturday but he did. Martin was looking at my legs and began kissing my knees, soon we were rolling all over my bed, exploring each other sensously. That mix of gentleness and raw sexyness is such a turn on ! Again he will hardly let me do anything for him, it's like he gets off on watching me come. At some point he was  practically dancing inside my body and kissing my neck as he said something really lovely that I am not allowing myself to hear and  he actually said it in french ! For a couple of second I jumped back into reality and thought " what ? he didnt just say that  did he  ? besides we all know men dont control themselves during sex and its impossible to believe a word said then, we have nothing in common except this , OMG if he remembers he said that he will freak out and run away again ". Fortunately he didnt realise he had said this and as I pretended I hadnt heard it , it was never mentioned. We went on and on shagging tenderly. We were having a glass of cold milk much later when he said that im so turned on by him it almost scares him, why do I like him so much, he wanted to know. I explained the reason why I like him that much is because making love with him is like magic. He savoured that compliment before I asked what it was like for him, something I never ever ask men usually.
Why then does he love shagging me so much ? Gefuhle, he said.
In german that means feelings, but I must have misunderstood, it couldnt be. Martin added in a low sexy intimate voive that he never had it so good as with me, he feels that happy only with me. That could be the reason why he came back after such a stupid breakup five months ago. I really dont want a serious conversation with my east german lover otherwise I would be curious to find out more but I rather avoid this  fight altogether, lets just enjoy this fabulous sex he gives me for now. Carpe Diem.
At some point he came so hard he fell asleep and it was such a weird feeling. He was holding my left wrist in his right hand  while his left arm was around my neck. What should I do ? This felt so good but  I didnt want to give into it, the illusion of intimacy was so marvellous it was tough to resist. Yet I remembered how nice it was to sleep besides a man who just made me so happy, how much trust one needs to fall asleep near someone.
My cat jumped back on the bed and curled up against me. That was wonderful.
I had to think of something sexual to take the romance out of the equation, and it occured to me that he might wake up wih a hard on and we would shag again. Good, I thought, this is not about getting closer, its just about recharging our batteries before we have another round of shagging. That is acceptable.
I did my best not to snore and I savoured this moment intensely. When he did wake up he stared into my eyes silently, I closed my eyes as this was a little too wonderful and we did have another fabulous  shag ! The things he says to me , the way he looks at me are so intense and so beautiful that if I wasnt me, if I wasnt the boss of my sexlife, I might actually have imagined that the dude has feelings for me. It was 5.30 am when he dressed up to leave, I didnt make any effort to ask him to stay, it had been so dreamlike I just wanted to cuddle up to my cat and snore till midday.
Here is the situation, I have no idea how long Martin will keep making love to me like he cares but I will just go with the flow till he back stabs me unexpectedly again, just having a fabulous time while waiting for this to happen. One thing puzzles me however. When he ditched me, it was because we were getting too close, our love making was too intimate for a loveless connection and and and, What about now ? we still have a loveless connection and we have never been closer ! He is so much more intimate with me now like he had never been before, and thats not too close ? Who will ever understand men's logic ?

The " sure thing " man

Everywoman should have one. A sure-thing man.
This is the kind of man that will always say yes whenever you call. Nevermind if you havent spoken to him in months, if you forgot his very existence in your shagbuddies's arms. The sure-thing guy is always happy to hear from you and before you think of a diplomatic excuse why you never call him and wonder how to get him into your pants, it is he who will ask if you want him to come over.
Once he is there with you he will just give you fantastic sex without asking any silly questions or making unreasonable demands. He is happy to get laid and goes straight to the point. He is attractive, funny, warm and unpretentious, he could probably get a relationship but he doesnt want one. He rather have sex with people he knows and feels confortable with, than cruise for strangers in bars. This is even better than a sexfriend since you dont have to bother cultivating the connection with phone calls, emails and meaningless conversations. You can have an affair or a relationship  and pick up your your sure-thing guy after the break up.  Just  think of it as your own private whore that you dont have to pay for. Another advantage is he doesnt expect to stay the night so there is no need to pretend yawning or say you must get up really early. Its a most conveniant kind of lover ! We should all have one, I have two !